How can an argument get so out of control that you ask for a divorce? PART TWO
By vokey9472
@vokey9472 (1486)
United States
June 29, 2007 12:24pm CST
Ok, for those of you that have been responding to my original discussion about the fight my husband and I had, here is where we stand as of today (friday, june 29th).
He asked me when I was leaving and I said "When h3ll freezes over". He got mad and stomped out of the house. I went about my business. He showed back up a few hours later and said he had been thinking. He realized that if I did leave him, he wouldn't even know where to begin with our finances and stuff. I handle all the money and the bills and everything. I shrugged my shoulders and told him I wasn't in the mood to fight.
He said he didn't want to fight either and then he made dinner. He even cleaned up after. I was a bit suprised and then I asked him what he was up to. He said that while he was out, he realized that I was unhappy because he wasn't being the type of husband I deserved and he was sorry. I don't trust his "new attitude" but I will see what happens. I also told him that I loved him and wanted to be with him, but I wanted the man I married and not this jerk that I have been dealing with for the last few months. He agreed to go to the doctor and see if he is suffering from depression or something as he agrees that he has changed a lot in the last few months and those changes are not for the better.
We will see what happens. Keep praying for us. Thanks.
4 people like this
11 responses
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I will keep praying. I hope he is being secere but be in your guard. Please keep us informed about the situation. I hate to see relationships in such trouble.Good luck!
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
He is such a phony. I knew he wasn't going to stick to his "new attitude" and he didn't even make it past Friday afternoon. I wasn't expecting much and I got exactly what I figured I would get. So no disappointment there. I have been thinking about it and I think maybe my marriage is on it's last leg. I have to think about it some more, but right now, I just don't see the point of trying to save it.
Ok, and this weekend I did get asked out by a younger guy. THat was a total ego boost. I said no, but it reminded me that I am not that old and I could still start over. So it gave me some things to think about.
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
4 Jul 07
Well, it is just my son. He is only 5 and thinks that things are ok. We try super hard never to fight in front of our son and to try to pretend things are ok between us. The whole silent treatment thing is not really affecting our son that I can tell. I will give my husband some credit, he has been much more attentive to our son the last week or so. He has gotten up early and played with our son more. He has even been making sure that our son gets his bath and bed time story on time. He may be a jerk to me and not talking to me, but he is not neglecting his son and for that I am grateful.
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
4 Jul 07
of course i will keep praying for you,I can see why you are suspicious of hubby. what an awful situation. what do the kiddies think?
@lizbeckwith (28)
• United States
29 Jun 07
That sounds like he has depression. My husband has sever recurring depression, and he does that kind of stuff. I think the comment about the bills was his way of working up to telling you he was wrong. Men are fragile like that. I think that you guys can work through this, but he does need to get some help for the suspected depression. You can also go to counseling with him when you two feel ready to find out where improvements can be made on both ends. I know that I found out there was a few things I did to set my husband off that I didn't even realize until they were pointed out. But, your situation could be different. Good lcuk to you, and I hope everything works out.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I sometimes think I don't need to go to therapy. My husband knew exactly what kind of person he was getting when he married me. I have been told by lots of people that I have changed since getting married, but they always say that I am a better person. I am not sure what that says about me before I got married, but people will tell me "you have really mellowed since you got married" or "you are so much nicer now than you were before" or my personal favorite "it's so nice not to be scared of you anymore". Seriously, was I really that horrible before I got married??
Anyways, right now, I am not even willing to consider trying therapy with him. I don't see the point. Besides, we are not even talking to each other right now so therapy would just be us paying a lot of money to sit in silence. We do that already for free.
@lizbeckwith (28)
• United States
3 Jul 07
This is a really tough one. I feel that if it's to the point where no one wants to try, it's better to just end it. I understand how hard that is when there's kids involved, but kids get affected heavily when their parents are unhappy. I would say, as sad as it is, that maybe you should talk to a lawyer. My prayers are with you.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I understand exactly what you are going through. there is 15 years difference between my husband and I and he was married one time for 17 years before we met and he divorced prior. He had a miserable first marriage and his wife cheated on him and married the other guy. I do all of our bills, finances, and things around the home plus I work online every day. We argue over the childish things because he will not take the time to get on the adult level with me. He treats me like I do not exist alot of times but when it comes to the point of leaving each other, he is lost also. I just pray to the lord to keep us together and to make him be there for me and understand. They are just so stubborn at times and selfish. I think they do appreciate us but we do not get told that or treated well alot of times and we question ourself of them. I will pray for you and your husband to be able to stay together and stay strong with one another. It takes two to make it work and he needs to meet you in the middle.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I am praying for a miracle too. This roller coaster of a marriage has been going on for almost 4 years. I am sick of it. When things are good, they are really really good. When things are bad, they are super duper bad. THe bad times have been happening more and more and lasting longer and longer. I cannot continue like this. I love my husband more than anything, but I have to love myself and my son even more than I love my husband. I think maybe it is time to accept that this marriage cannot be saved. At least it cannot be saved by me alone.
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
whether it's for real or not It's good to know that you two are still together and that he has a changed of mind and an attitude. I'll pray for your marriage to get better and better..we have so many shattered families now a days, so many broken lives.So many troubled kids brought about by parents divorce.We don't need one just yet.Hope he sees the doctor soon and get help if ever.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Sometimes a couple has to hit rock bottom before they can start putting the pieces of their marriage back together. Good for you for standing your ground. He needed to see what life would be like without and best of all, he is getting some help. If he is depressed, then he needs to get help.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I agree with the first comment that you got here... but it sounds just like my hubby. he is very high temper and dont even care who that is... but he is quickly calm down after all and then he will act like nothing happen. I am not sure how your hubby is, but just like I told you... be strong and be yourself, we dont need his help at all. You know he might talk to his friends about this problem and then his friend tell him that he might end up with nothing and loose a lot of money on this stupid thing. so wait and see ok? I dont want to say this but you have a son here so you should focus on him more better.
when guy tried to make up for you, he will do just about anything to make you forgive him quickly and he will keep saying " I love you so much and I dont want to loose you either" lolz... I heard those words like a million times
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
My son is the person I am thinking the most about. I will not have him grown up in a house that full of hate and emotional poison. I grew up in a house like that and it took me years of therapy to be able to forgive my mother for choosing to stay in her marriage instead of caring how it was affecting me and my sister. Things either need to change and stay changed, or I need to accept that my marriage is over and move on.
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Awww I am soo glad he realized his ways that he has been acting differently, so many don't realize it until the divorce proceedings have started. Perhaps marriage counseling might help too, they have many that are with your church or on a sliding scale to help out with costs. I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
Yeah, his "new attitude" lasted through Friday afternoon. He hasn't even bothered with a shower since Friday. I knew it wouldn't last. It never does. Yes, I am feeling very bitter and unhappy today. I think maybe I need to see the doctor about anger and depression. My sister told me I seemed very angry all weekend. I thought I was pretty happy this weekend but I guess not.
@suzieb (188)
• United States
29 Jun 07
WOW! When my husband storms out he usually goes to the bar or a friends house. Eather way he talks to people about what a witch I am. When he comes back he doesn't do any of that stuff. Just tries to kiss me, like I'm not still mad!
Sounds like something worth working on. Good luck.
@guss2000 (2232)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I just responded to your other discussion before I realized there was a part 2. Anyway, I'm glad you and your husband are trying to work things out. Me and mine are too.
Taking it day by day is the best I can do for me at this point and hope everything works out for the best.
@jnallen_487 (800)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean but I really think something else is going on here. Just sounds like the classic case of someone who is cheating. Maybe he went out of the house, went to his mistress and talked to her. Maybe she helped him decide that it wouldn't be the best for him financially if he left you. I'm not saying this is true. I don't know you or your husband so I don't know the whole story. But I just think there has to be more to it and something just smells awfully fishy here.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I seriously doubt my husband is cheating. I am the one more likely to cheat. Not to mention that the only women my husband has any contact with are my mother, my grandmother, my sister and his mother. He isn't the type to go out and meet anyone. He is such a homebody that it drives me nuts. I go out to bars and clubs and stuff while he sits at home playing video games.
I think he just realized that since I have handled everything since the day we got married, he really would be lost as to what is going on with our finances. Heck, the credit cards in his name and he has no idea what our limits are, the PIN numbers or even when the payments are due. It is his credit rating and he knows nothing about it. I think he realized that if he left or I left, he wouldn't have anyone to play mommy for him. OK, today I am feeling bitter.
@blena07 (105)
• Malaysia
30 Jun 07
Well I am in your situation I have going through these kind of trauma for the past five years.I wonder ever he will change it's attitude,it getting worse as aech passing dates.Maybe he has too much ego.Deep down I home he change but I doubt it.I have in thought of going through divorce proceedings.Well i think you stand in a better position and your hubby will compromise.As for me I am in the losing end. I will keep you in my prayers
