What Am I Missing?
By sigma77
@sigma77 (5383)
United States
June 29, 2007 12:34pm CST
Suppose a man of about 60 years gets together with a woman about 25-30 years younger or so. She has one or two kids and is divorced and struggling to make a living supporting her kids. Both adults like each other and get along well. The kid(s) like the older man, even though he is much older than their father. The adults decide to live together with the possibility of getting married at some point.
The man is happy because he is with a nice woman who cares about him. It also gives him a chance to provide for the woman and her children. He is happy to do this. Furthermore, as time goes by, they grow deeper in love and stay together as a family. Both are happy because the woman gets support and a better life for her and the kids. And once the man passes on, say in about 25 or so years, she will be set for life and still be young enough to enjoy it all and maybe find another relationship. The woman does not want any more children. And she is not involved with him only for financial reasons.
Even though there is a big difference in ages, what might be the disadvantages to this type of relationship? As I stated, both adults and children are happy with this arrangement. What might possibly make this dificult based on the age differences? Thanks for any input.
7 people like this
23 responses
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
11 Jul 07
I might say the communication gap will occur at same point. Older people have different views than younger people, no matter how happy they are, there must be something which they disagree on. But I think as long as they could compromise, this relationship can go along pretty well.
1 person likes this
@thangeritz (41)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
I'm 25 yrs old,no kids, and my bf is 27 yrs older than i am..He has kids which i adore and love so much..age is just a number..as long as theyre happy together that's all that matters..
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Sugar, it is personal, and as adults, you can do what you want. Feelings and emotions are not right or wrong, just feelings. If you are happy, and she is, go for it. The only set back is the age difference later. Medicare income, and physical things. Get my drift? God bless, good luck. Live for today, as tomorrow may or may not come. Be happy.
1 person likes this
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
5 Jul 07
To me it should be based if they are happy or not. That they should be able to be happy and that they can do what they want. As long as the kids are accepting him. That they are doing what they want.That she might not ever found that type of love again.
@qutevarun (75)
• India
30 Jun 07
relationships with people having wide age differences doesn't last forever or unhappy. i dont personally like those kindof relationships. its for ourselves that we live and we need to make people related with us happy. its not money that comes first. love and stuff are way lot important than money. can an old person show the love that a woman demands? i dont think so. and what will the lady do after he expires. as you said may find another relationship. hmmm why does she have to if she loves him seriously. she could have lived much happily if she chosen a younger person. well thats my opinion as i said i dont like such relationships. hope you got me
@Booffy (364)
• Australia
5 Jul 07
try to give another view of this.. I am 56 my future wife is 34 she has a little 5 year old son... i love this lady and she me... i accept that she has son and to me this is package deal the intent is bring him up in different country than his birth, but still holding on to the customs and culture of his birth country as well as addapt to new country, at 5 years old his brain is like spung and just soak up everything, this will also be the first time my future wife will have ventured outside her country. For my part I am willing to put a lot of hard work and love into this relationship. Love will win out
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
30 Jun 07
Age certainly is just a number! Provided they are healthy, men are quite capable of satisfying a woman and, in any case, there is MUCH more to a physical relationship than the 'basic act'. I see no reason why, if they love each other, they should not have a blissful and fulfilling relationship.
Most of the difficulties will come from other people's attitudes. They should be prepared for comments from family and friends, funny looks at hotels when they book a room together and things like that. So long as they have a sense of humour, it shouldn't be a big problem.
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3138)
•
30 Jun 07
Really it is up to the individuals. No matter what others say people are allowed to make their own choices when it comes down to choosing a life partner as long as you're both adults. Think about it this way though, why is this more acceptable when it's an older man, but if a woman of 60 was settling down with a man of 30 or even 40 there are raised eyebrows or much worse...? It is not up to anyone else to pass judgement but you could also remember that a man of 60 might have children of his own who feel left out when he gets together with a woman potentially younger than them. They might be wondering what will happen to their inheritance now he's with a younger woman. Of course they will wonder is this woman after their father's money, it's only natural. If the man told his children that he was leaving everything to them and the younger woman knew about this and was accepting of it, then that's also something to consider. Personally, if I had children, I would not cut them out of my will if someone new came into my life, I've heard of this happening often and it's actually quite sad to hear things like that.
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Great points. I agree with what you are saying. It does seem more natural for an older man and younger woman to be together than the other way around. But, I think it could work either way. Perhaps, it would be best to figure out inheritances before getting married. If it was me, I would not want to leave my kids out of things.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I don't see a problem in this type of relationship, sigma. As long as there is mutual respect and affection among all the involved parties, who's to say that it shouldn't work out well.
1 person likes this
@kprabhu (439)
• India
30 Jun 07
i dont see any other dis attitudes because everyone relations ship happy!but at the same time if i was in the persons positions i never give up with anyone!
@hazelan (89)
• China
30 Jun 07
Oh!Love is a complex question.It's always got headache to the person.In my view,Maybe the woman gets together with the old man for make a living.If the old man is poor,I am sure she will leave him.The relationship is no value.It is not love.Why most of women always want to dependent on man? She will get happiness unless an woman is independent!
1 person likes this
@mejluvya (213)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I've seen this first hand but the opposite way around. A man of twenty dating and eventually living with a woman of 40. He was looking for a mother figure and she was looking for someone she could control and turn into whatever she wanted. It didn't work out,but they both learned from the experience. The only thing that would bother me about being in that relationship, as a woman I would always be wondering will he leave me for someone younger and prettier, or when will he decide that I am too old for him. And maybe trying to look through the man's eyes, will she meet someone closer to her own age and leave because he's more fit, has more hair, whatever. Those are just doubts and no matter who you are in a relationship with everyone has doubts and concerns especially if they are in love, it's natural. If these two really care for each other and are happy and the children are happy then I say go with your heart, if it doesn't work out there is always a life lesson to be learned, if you learn that lesson then you are a better person for it.
@tumalty1980 (256)
•
30 Jun 07
Ages in just a number and shouldnt make a differance to a relationship, There are many thing that may happen as with any relationship that can make thing difficult, growing apart, getting on each others nerves and so on
1 person likes this
@markdykeman (48)
• Canada
30 Jun 07
The only problem that I can see is the man will soon be a senior citizen and health problems tend to arise as a person gets older. This is natural, nothing wrong with it, but the woman needs to realise that her partner is going to go through life changes much sooner than her. Moreover, she will gradually have to take on more and more responsibility at a time in life when a woman her age normally wouldn't have to care for an aging partner. Just something to think about. Otherwise, more power to them.
1 person likes this
@pramodthakur (2365)
• India
30 Jun 07
If woman is young and wants to unit with other male, I see nothing wrong. As first is no more then why should a woman live a lonely life. If she is finding another partner, she must live with him and start a new life. This will provide moral as well as financial support to that woman and children also. Though children are grown up till next relation. Man and woman both have every right to live as per their convenience with anybody. Old traditon need not to follow. We should go ahead with the present atmosphere. I think this is your case or your friend's case.
1 person likes this
@Bee1955 (3882)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I am 16 years older than my husband. Besides falling in love and not living alone anymore - we discovered my being older has economic enhancements to our marraige. Such as extra income, maturity and wisdom in certain matters and discounts that come with certain age levels (insurance, retail stores. etc). My daughter is a year older than he is and gets along very well with him. My grandchildren adore him. Yes, we got the teasing from our friends, but that was settled long ago. Problems? Never. Good luck and love to you both! Bee and Brion in WV
1 person likes this
@sweetaspie52 (2359)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I do not see anything wrong with this my sister Ruth was married to a man 25 years older than her and they had a happy life together they had 28 years of marriage when my sister passed away,they were engage for 4 years I believe before they tied the knot she was 14 when they met and got married at 18 although never had any children thre marriage was good
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I don't see anything missing here....The age difference really isn't that great as far as I can see..To me it sounds like a perfect, ideal scenerio.. .I've heard stories about a man say in his 80s marrying a woman in her 20s---now there I would be a bit suspicious and the mind would think...ah, hah, she obviously IS after his money, and most times the man is filthy rich
1 person likes this
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
30 Jun 07
As already said 'Age is just a number' is true. When we have love in our heart then age is not a factor. It is good that the woman gets support for her and her child adn the man get a family. It is really good for the children to have both parents. The husband and wife get support of each other and they make a perfect family together. Good luck to such people.
1 person likes this
