Help me Improve...I am all Ears!!!

Hello CoffeeAnyone!:-) Thank you very much for pointing out a negative thing about my behavior here and your criticism:-) Following are my reasons for doing it: Many things that we take for granted are subjective and not objective; Morality, Ethics, Sense of Right and Wrong are often subjective matters though we have universally accepted norms too. Moral, ethical, right or wrong of one may or may not be so for other. Human behavior is not that simply interpreted, there are too many grey areas there. There are many things, however objectively right they might be, can be treated as wrong subjectively. I'll give you examples to clear my point. I always thought that one must be on giving end, never taking or accepting anything. When I moved to France, initially we friends used to live together which is known as 'collocation' here. we cooked together. Whenever anybody brought something it was noted and at the end of month everybody shared. While others always put the things they brought into expenditure, I, many a time didn't bother to make things count which I used to bring. This behavior was noted by a friend unconsciously. Similarly when it was about going out or gifts or anything, I used to be on giving end and always hesitated and/or refused to take. All this I was doing unintentionally in my own sense of right. Behavior of my friends was slowly becoming strange for me. They started sharing less with me, started avoiding instances where I could spend or give. They too were doing subconsciously or unintentionally. I was like what's wrong with them or what's wrong with me. One day, I sat down with one of them and while our mood was light, I posed him the same question that I have posed here. He said nothing is wrong about me, everything is fine. I asked him to ponder and think for a while if there is wrong. He still said, smilingly, there is nothing wrong. I insisted and he thought for a while then he said, "I think you are a bit disrespectful". It was a real surprise for me, I asked him again what he said, he said I don't know what I want to say but you are un caring...a second statement. I asked him if he could explain. Then he started slowly and said No, you are unjust...third statement...I asked again if he could explain and he then started and slowly got passionate...He told me that I don't accept anything from them and always try to give them. He said that I am unjust because what I liked for myself, I didn't like for them i.e. giving. He said that I am disrespectful because I didn't respect their feelings...and he continued with a long passionate speech. It was really enlightening for me. I really thought that what I was doing unintentionally in my own sense of "right" was not that right, that I was really not caring for their emotions, that I was unjust with their feelings. I started accepting their gifts and others who hadn't talked to me again became slowly normal. This is in this sense and spirit that I ask people and I truly respect if somebody come up with genuine, sincere and loving advice for my correction. I really can narrate some other instances too where others (my family, friends, colleagues or even neighbors and other people) have helped me a lot to correct myself, to improve, to move forward and to mend one of my wrongs, which though may be 'right' in my own sense. I talk to GOD very often, privately, in public, any where I want to. I share with HIM almost everything that matters in my life. I get HIS help directly or indirectly but in HIS own system, we are supposed to be social, to help each other build ourselves, to join hands for a collective good and to be part of a divine system and a greater reality by our combined efforts. I have been and I am lucky to have many great people around me, who really care, who will stop me and will say that I am wrong at some place, who appreciates too, who respect and encourage also. I want to enjoy every bit of their sharing with me in ups and downs of my life and this is one of the ways to reach out:-) I am not sure if I am making any sense, I have tried to speak my mind as I felt. I thank you for this opportunity:-)

I really like what you said about friends here. It is true that the best friends are the ones from whom you can learn, and who can tell you when there are things that you can improve on. I have often asked my friends such things myself, though I'm not sure quite so formally. As for the making sense thing, don't worry, I'll tell you if you're not making sense to me. There's no point in conversing otherwise, if you're only guessing at things! And I enjoy the long posts that you make, which shouldn't be surprising as I sometimes tend towards long ones myself. I can't think of much else that I could say to help you in this case though. I really do have a very good opinion of you!

Thanks lecanis, for reassurance that you will be frank about sense thing. I'll trust you on that:-)

lecanis! Friends are like mirrors. A person uses mirror to know if there is something wrong in appearance and needed to be corrected. If mirror is so blur that it doesn't show the shortcoming in appearance then it's useless. True friends are the ones from whom one can learn if he/she is all right or if something is needed to be corrected. No body is perfect, it implies that if a friend never tells you your faults/shortcomings and errors then there is something wrong with friendship. you have pointed out one thing and I really appreciate it. In fact in the last reply to your post (about trust in husband and wife), I was myself thinking that now we know each other enough that you will frankly say that whatever I said was absurd and not making sense but still I thought that out of care and politeness you won't say such a thing, that's why I apologized. I say that because I am usually not sure that my post is making any sense. A long nonsense is more frustrating than a short non sense:-). I am really glad that you mentioned it, so that I'll be careful in future. I would really appreciate if there is anything more you would like to say or add:-)

Hello Naseem00!:-) Thank you for sharing the story. You are right that one shouldn't seek correction for other's pleasure and I don't do it for this reason. I have explained my reasons in reply to #4. I can tell you that there are friends and family members who do it with honesty and sincerity for me and they have helped a lot. It can be misused though, just as you said. Thanks for sharing your views:-)

LOL! redyellowblackdog, If I submit inedited version of my post, which I sometimes do, then perhaps you will not even be able to understand what I said because it contains too many errors. Actually they do point out my superficial errors but there are things buried deep in subconscious, it's that what I try to bring out of them because these subconscious matters create the real problems in the long term. I would really appreciate if you could come up with more things, I really mean it:-)

Come up with more things? Meaning criticisms of your posts? Okay, but this is really nit picking because it is not anything serious. This entire question can be seen as "fishing for compliments". This is because there really is nothing wrong with your posts overall. I suspect you know that. Your question makes it look as if you are looking for someone to point out that your posts are very good. This sort of behavior, asking for a criticism of something that is done very well, is often times called, "fishing for compliments.". If "fishing for compliments" is the biggest faux pax you commit here at myLot, you have nothing to worry about.

You are very wise as to the intentions of people here on mylot, redyellowblackdog! however I have not much chance given my last lines in discussion starter:-)

Hello emisle! I don't think I have to change to please others. My family and friends have done it honestly in past and I apreciate it. Please read my reply to #4. Thanks!

Hello Rtlsnk316! and welcome to mylot:-) Thank you very much for daring:-) I can assure you that I am what I am. I don't care what other people think about me when it's about principles, beliefs and such. In many occasions, I have gone against whole of my society, family and friends but still I remained true to what I thought was right. I do more catharsis then I allow others to look into me. But then, no body is perfect. Sometimes, it is possible that I am not seeing something about my own self, something that is unreasonably disturbing or unlikeable about me. It's here that I need help from others. From people who care and can give me honest opinion. For me it has been healthy process and it has helped me improve little by little. Humans are social animals, there is probably nothing more precious than a friend who can tell me my shortcoming just to correct it, thus helping me moving forward. I really appreciate your input and would like to see you around pointing my errors to me:-)

That's ok, I won't be judging you since, as I mentioned, I do not know you at all, but you sound like a person who can take the heat from people. Continuing with the honesty, you sound like a person I could get along with being so open and all, but, I stand up for what I said, maybe an opinion here and there from people you care about it's a good thing every now and then, but eventually after having your "cards read" follow up with wathever they had said to you so you can improve your errors, negative side and all. You have a nice one.

Hello nill_07!:-) "Try to keep/remain secreet in secreet" I didn't understand your suggestion here, can you explain please?