Which MARRIAGE Would be the Best?ARRANGED by parents or LOVE?
By kprabhu
@kprabhu (439)
India
July 4, 2007 7:44am CST
hello! In this fast life most of people choose their partner own but they dont consider their parents and their desires?at this situation most of parents hurted by childs!and also we heard most of couples who have applied for divorce are love marriages! it also happens in arrange but lesser than love marriage do you people agree with me?so which one is going to be better for life?
11 responses
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
14 Jul 07
kprabhu, there is a whole cultural thing here, if your culture glorifies arranged marriages, go by it if this is your culture because to go against it would mean turning the whole society against you, including the wrath of your parents who are central in the arrangement! Secondly, there are certain people, especially men who are just too shy to approach a woman-they are sort of phobic about the opposite for know good reason, for such, it would only be fair for his relatives and friends to get involvde in arranging for his marriage! Howeer, if you want my own thought on this, I would say, go after your heart, hoose for yourself, find love, get married, and blame no one if it fails!
@kprabhu (439)
• India
14 Jul 07
thanks for your valuable sugesstion. really it was very worth suggesstion and more valuable.but i have asked this question generally to the youths who hates their parents or who collapses their desires!that was the main think when i was posted this message!thank you for such a wonderful commenting!have great day!
@abiesm (373)
• Vietnam
5 Jul 07
of course marriage for love .
I don't know if it's a true answer or not , but I always think of it that way. Maybe marriage arranged by parents is more safe, but do you like to live with a person that you don't love,even though he's very very kind ?
I don't want to do that. Maybe I can choose a wrong person but it's my determination, so it's better than obbey my parents
1 person likes this
@kprabhu (439)
• India
5 Jul 07
Hi Friend! you obviously correct that we cant live where we do not like!but its in the case of one who loved some one not accepted by parents!but at the same time its make parents to depress when you over their decides or desires!Thanks for giving you valuable suggestion friend.
He Further said to them: "Be careful what you hear. The measure you deal out to others will be dealt to you. with more added;" - Mark 4:24
@soumav (42)
•
16 Jul 07
In this world u have to cope with everybody. Ur parents are first, then its d rest. But if u find someone who loves u , then u must repect him. U must talk to ur parents frankly about dis matter. If they have a choice then have a look at him.
Then decide which one is best for you. Because this is the matter of whole life.
First understand yourself then your partner.
@charlesggeorge (333)
• India
13 Jul 07
why u say like that?
i just replay ur post......ok any problem??
@kevin117 (95)
• China
14 Jul 07
well,this is a hot topics currently.personally i think,whether arranged or love marriage ,each has its strong point.There is no denying the fact that some arranged spouses lead their happy lives,and some love marriage get satisfying results to deserve too.it touches upon many factors such as economy,society,culture,religion,even politics and so on.so,which marrage would be the best? It's really hard to say.It's just not what is the best but what you choose and how you choose that matters. As for my subjective viewpoint,I trend to love marriage ,but arranged marriage never excluded.Love marriage gives me a bigger passion that i really want.
In fact,I see many many correlative cases .some happy,some suffering. If have a chace,I will tell you more . lol......
well,have each nice day!!!
@kprabhu (439)
• India
14 Jul 07
ya! this is the matter i really expect. that, the most factor is, as you said above is exactly true!it fully categorized on economy,soceity,culture, region,and politics in some what!but for me i would go to parents desires, because they really experienced in life, they know our character too, so its a little bit chance to them to choose best for us!and i hope that you felt in something, i wish you all the best 4 your life!
1 person likes this
@kprabhu (439)
• India
16 Jul 07
yes absolutly you are right,after we have grown up we have the ability to make a right decision but the think is how many of you people succeded in your decision while you choosing your partner even though their parents caring themself or not?, i think most of the people have suffered and realized that was a wrong decision or understanding after getting marriage, i am not blaming all of you buddie's but my point is one can adjustable with their parent's who have the tendency to adjustable with their life partner as long as the life end!if it so, why can't you people giving the chance to your parent's hands or their desires, why cant we take us it could be the duty to our parents!i think i am blading you, alright what a do, this is duty in mylot! have a wonderful life lol!
1 person likes this
@kevin117 (95)
• China
15 Jul 07
yeah,it's obvious that what you said is not improper.but the key piont is ,"Not every parents really know about their children (for example,it is in this way in my country).In my area,there are existing two situations.for one thing,many parents are always busy with their business and seldom have time in caring for their children.for another,these parents overly take care of their children , they always do everything whether easy or difficult for their children .As a result,these children,when growing up,never stand on their own legs and always ask for help from their parents.
The above both situations show that these parents don't truely know their children for certain,they don't know what their children really want still less of doing right things for their children(including arranged marriage).
so my father often said:If parents want to do right thing for their children,they should understand their children ,respect what their children choose and give them a safe,reliable harbour when they suffer frustration.
That is most important piont.
Personally i think,since you have grown up,you should make decision yourself and choose what you want youself.that 's why I trend to love marriage.
you are so luck,you have a pair of parents who really know your character . and I am so appreciated!
have a nice day ! lol......
@JoyceP2007 (230)
• United States
17 Jul 07
A marriage of love is the one that is going to last for life. Assuming that you've matured a little, you will more than likely be drawn to people that are similiar to what your parents may have arranged for you. After all you hold the values and beliefs that they gave to you as you grew up.
Parents are wonderful at assisting you but they can't know your deepest, inner most self. If two people love one another the marriage will last for life.
The only problem occurs when one person married for love and the other person claimed to but actually had different reasons. Then it really wasn't a marriage love anyway. It was a marriage of one person loving. No relationship that is one sided is going to last a lifetime.
@kprabhu (439)
• India
17 Jul 07
I like your comments that are very nice to read, i might think you realized your life because one cannot explain deeply such great thinks to others! i really appreciate you!and these are should valuable comments to others who read this conversation!really great thank you for your kind effort!Thank you!
1 person likes this
@humbleme (1004)
• India
7 Jul 07
Hello kprabhu, Neither love nor Arranged marriage can be ranked,cause both of these matters has success as well as failures, the main
point is total consent of the elders of the family and soceity regarding the marriage.I have a friend she was in love witha guy for around 10years, they got married but starts
fighting with in their first two months,and now they are in court, I also have another
friend she got married arranged by her parents,dated with him around six month before they get married, became very good friends( as she used to claim)then got married after knowing each other very nicely.Her marriage broke in the next 8months.The first friend returned her home but didnt get any sympathy from her famaly members,my second friend is getting lots of sympathy from her famaly as the marriage was arranged with everybody's consent.So the conclusion is Neither
Arranged Nor Love , But Succeful Marriages are madein heaven depending on the karma of past life.
@kprabhu (439)
• India
12 Jul 07
i agree with you. when you people think its fully based on one persons activity! how much he or she involve in their persons life!my point is if you take your desires of your parents then you have the capability of understanding others thought and desires automatically if it so there is no need in fight with or not adopt with the partner, that is if one knows his/her parents desire he/her can adopt with their partner who have arranged by your parents so in my point of view adjustable with parents make way for adjusting with partner this will lead the strong base for the best life!
@pramodthakur (2365)
• India
5 Jul 07
I would love to have arrange marriage.I want to give this chance of my parents. Marriage is a union of two souls. Marriage requires; intense love, respect to each others, good understanding, very less difference of opinions, to be a friend when one is in trouble, lot of compromise etc. Where these are absent, divorce/separation like thing takes place. Arrogancy is also one of the reason, generally man do not want to be flexible. If a conflict is started in marriage life and not solved immidiately, gap widens in this relationship resulting into separation.
@kprabhu (439)
• India
12 Jul 07
That was the great decison you made because the parents most responsible persons in our life!if we obey or behave their desires then they really enjoy their selfs about our dependency to them!what ever you do than this it will not hike them!so its best way to wet in the parents love!have a nice day!
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
you are right in some way. For me, the length of marriage does not really depend on whether it was arranged or by love.
Both have its advantages and disadvantages.
For me, success of marriage depends on the couple who establish it. If they nurture it with respect,love,understanding and trust, perhaps, they would end up with each other more than 50 years.
@Jessem (372)
• Mauritius
5 Jul 07
Yeah you are absolutely right. Divorce has become such common thing nowadays which wasn't few decades ago though people were marrying according to their parents' wish. Me too no longer believe in love marriages any longer koz there are so many people around me i know who married their love but later seen fighting to get their divorce.
@archie20 (39)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Sometimes its just compatibility. It can come in arranged or love marriage. If there is no compatibility even if you are in love for 5 yrs before marriage ,it will fall apart eventually.It also depends on how much a person can accomodate for the spouse. if can do it lifelong marriage will last. if not it will fall apart .
It can be anyway.
