Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

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I was sent this by email and thought you all would like it. Enjoy! Day 683 of my captivity; My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my comtempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates of what I am capable. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a `good little hunter` I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary comfinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear noises and smell the food. I overheard the my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now.