Whenever I don't do how my mom likes she still threatens me

You need to sit down with her one day and have a nice conversation about your career and how you're doing well being out on your own. Then slowly venture into talking about how, though you're doing so well in life, you feel as if she doesn't see how well you're doing since she still has the need to take care of you. Because, essentially, that's what she's trying to do, take care of you. She's not going about it in a good way, but deep down, she doesn't want to admit you're an adult and don't NEED her to walk every step with you. You do need to show her the other ways you NEED her. Do you have children? Ask her advice about a something that you need help with. Ask for a recipe she made when you were younger and you want to make it. Show her in other ways that her wisdom and knowledge are needed, and maybe she'll back off on pushing her wisdom and knowledge on you in other areas of your life where it isn't needed.

This is truly sad and pathetic for your mom! You know if I were you believe me I know I would do this. I would say to my mother go ahead and call him then! Your Pastor is only going to give you more love and support to help you get disconnected from this type of abuse from your mom and in turn maybe help you help your mom! Sounds like this is a life long issue with your mom. It is just so sad that she is so insecure about herself and is afraid of life really! I am sure she is afraid all of you kids well abandon her and she will live lonely for the rest of her life with no one to care for her as she gets older! I mean I don't know for sure but this could be a reason why she is still trying to hold on and keep you connected. She probably feels you won't do it on your own and eventually cut all ties! It was probably tough for your mom growing up and she had some major hurts that caused her to be this way! It is hard to take this from our Moms but they need love and understanding to. Maybe if you confronted her on some issues without judgement and see if she is open to change? Maybe you already have? This is hard I know! My family isn't perfect either. I am 47 now and I tried so hard to be the perfect mom but I realize I was not and my kids didn't learn a some things because I didn't know how to be that great awesome parent that teaches their kids all the wonderful things they should learn in life because I wasn't taught. I tried though and I guess that is all we can do. Now I feel like instead of condeming my parents for what they didn't do I need to just show them love because that is what everyone deserves! Of course if they were abusive I would try to show that love but keep my distance as I wont' put myself through abuse from no one! Hope I made sense here I tend to babble on to much!

I am sorry that you are having such difficulty with your mom. It sounds like she has some issues and may need counseling to help her from being so mean to you. I would not worry about her calling the pastor as the pastor may take your side on this. You do not have to call her every day. You have your own life to live and have things to do. Fortunately my parents were never like that to me. You are an adult so she can not tell you what to do anymore.

At your age don't you think it is time you stood up to your mother? I am shocked an adult would allows this to continue all the best urban

My mom used to do this to me when I was younger, she didn't threaten anything, she just went telling everybody that I did something wrong and made this person mad enough about it so they will either yell at me or tell others how bad I am. One day I got sick of it, so when mom did it again, I actually told this person even worse things I've done and that I would do it to them if they keep interfering LOL silly me! So they think I'm bad and then never interfere as much. There was also a time I played them around, funny how they got mixed up anyway. But I know what you mean, and I feel that you haven't done anything about it, so it keeps happening. I'm sure our mothers love us, but like everyone else, they make mistakes too. It shouldn't be hard to correct them, I hope you find a way with your mother.

You are taking life, (and your mom) way too seriously. Lighten up! Theres nothing she can do to hurt you. Your Pastor is just a man. Theres nothing he can do to hurt you either. Learn to Laugh! Laugh at your mom when she calls.. . Laugh at her and maybe soon you will be laughing with her.. . Laugh at your Pastor. Hes not important.....You just think he is, and He wants, and needs you, to keep on thinking like that. Like I just said, "I'd laugh and laugh" at those 2 silly people who love to control your life.

What a difficult position to be in hun. Your mum has been a bully for years and she still believes she has the right to threaten you now. I can't see how her calling your pastor would result in anything, however. For what it's worth, hun, I think you are going ot have to stand up to her and tell her straight that she no longer has the right to bully you.

I am having the same problem with my mother. She is 65 and I think the older she gets the more difficult she gets. Her latest thing is that she called me up to tell me that she is very mad at me that I don't treat her husband better. Well first of all none of my brother and sisters and I can stand her husband. He is one of those know-it-alls and is very crabby. He is constantly yelling at the kids. After a couple of hours of listening to that we are all ready to leave. So she tells me that because I have been avoiding them that she has now changed her will and removed me from being in charge of the will. What??? Is that what happens when you get older you start threatening about your will. Well I didn't quite know how to react. But we discussed and I decided that I wasn't gonna cut her out of my life, but I have limited time I spend with her and this has definitely put a wedge between us. I have to live my life and not worry about whether she likes it or not. I think you have to do the same. Life is short and we can't let our mothers still tell us how to live it.

Aw, just tell her to keep her nose off your life. I mean you're a grown girl now and you should learn to defend yourself somehow. You don't really have to follow everything that your mom tells you to do if you know that these things are not making you happy.

I would thank her for raising me and then I would remind her that I am a grown woman now. Call her when you are able to call and don't let her try to make you feel guilty. What good is telling the pastor what you are doing? Will he hunt you down with a shotgun? It sounds like your mother still needs to feel needed. Call her every now and then and ask her advice on something.

I think your realtionship with your mom never has really grown. Somewhere in there she should have come to terms that you are an adult and respected you as an adult. It sounds like you still ahve the same relationship that you did when you were a child and thats kind of sad.

Living some distance away from your Mother it should not be too difficult for you to get the upper hand in this miserable situation. The next time you are talking to her and she threatens to call your pastor tell her to go right ahead then quietly hang up. If she calls you again tell her that you do not care to listen to her threats any more and ask her not to call you. Maybe you could tell her this, "You are my Mother and by that virtue I love you but at this point in time I really do not like you." Tell her if you wish to talk to her you will call her. Don't call her - let her stew. Good luck in this - but remember you are an adult and your Mother should stop her childish behavior. Be strong for yourself.

There's really nothing you can do to stop her behavior. The only thing you can really do is to change your own. If you give in to her threats, then she will see she still has the upper hand, but if you ignore her, then she will see that her threats don't work at all to control you or anyone else. I wonder what would happen if she did call your pastor? Would he believe her, or see that she is a deeply troubled woman who is in constant need to attention and is bent on manipulating people? I'm sorry that you gre up with such an abusive woman, but you are not alone and you have friends here on Mylot who understand just how you feel.

I think your mom is in a rut like a broken record and she is not aware of it. She just says it and doesn`t mean it and you take it serious.

Some mothers are manipulating, dominating and with bad character.They think that they have the eternal right to abuse with their children and this is forever. You must be strong character if you need to survive or just find the best way to stay as far away from her as it`s possible.

well,i'm not a woman ,so,maybe I will never experience what you experience.but,i feel it really very unconceivable!when you are a child,your mom whine ,criticize ,or even abuse you,this is not an abnormal thing. She always tells you what 's right and what 's wrong or what you should do and what you should not do.However ,as a adult ,you have your own idea and could make decisions yourself ,it's unnecessary for you to be interfered too much.To say the least ,you will be still all right even if you make wrong decisions or have big sufferings in that you could get lessons from that so as never to make it as such next time. If i were you,I would have stayed and talked to her with my own thoughts at pains,I believe she will understand you finnally! so,good luck to you!1

No matter how old we are, we always have a need for the love of our mother. Sadly, we don't always get it or, at least, don't get it in a healthy way. Most parents want to do right by their children but many don't always know how. She may not have learned how to be the parent you deserve because she didn't get it herself. Whatever the reason for her being the way she is, you can't change her. What you can do is try to give yourself what you need and deserve from a parent: love and acceptance. And that means protecting yourself and developing a plan for how you will deal with her. Be specific in your plan about how you will respond when she behaves inappropriately, such as coming up with a short sentence to end or change conversation. You know her well. You know when she will try to control you and how. Use that knowledge to protect yourself in a way that will not escalate conflict by simply finding ways to disengage. Perhaps that means no contact or limited contact. Decide on what perameters work best for you. Who knows, perhaps she will learn by your example. Be prepared. When you try to change the dynamic, she will act like a child and become more manipulative and antagonistic. The more you refuse to respond to her threats, which is a form of abuse and emotional abandonment, she will resist and spin off into emotional turmoil. Above all, take care of yourself. It's not your fault she's the way she is. You might want to seek resources to help with your healing from and dealing with the continued abuse.