Do you ever try to do something really nice for someone but it backfires on you?

The problem lies w/ them, not you. Your heart was loving and if you get that kind of feedback, pat yourself on the back because love is hard for alot of people to handle and they are reacting cuz they can't handle that someone cares about them. My friend was working at an office and there was this smart mouth, look at me time woman, and my friend a little overweight and kind of quiet, and this woman annoyed her, but she heard that she had not money to buy her kids presents my friend went home and found many games that her son didn't play anymore and brought them to work and gave them to her. That coworker had a reputation to keep up so she reacted rudely. My friend didn't care because she knew she was doing it out of love, and where there is love it prevails. The next day the woman thanked her and they became good friends. Cheryl

When they asked why you did something, did they do so in a way that was offensive? I assume so since it upset you. I wondered if maybe they thought it was nice and couldn't figure out why someone would be so nice, like they were unfamiliar with the notion. But I don't believe you did anything wrong. I too have second guessed myself after doing something nice. All that comforts me is that I know I did it in the right spirit, it was meant for good, and I can't fully understand the mindset of the recipient. If I knew what they were thinking, their reaction might make sense to me. It's just too bad we can't do that. I'm glad to know there are people out there like you. We need more of you around the world!

Well some people suspect ulterior motives because they have been hurt and people have put conditions on their kindness. It takes quite a while to get them to know that what you did was out of the kindness of your heart and you expected nothing in return. You also have to know when to draw the line. For instance if you got a ride several times, it is okay to buy something for the driver and it is okay to offer to pay for the gas, but not to volunteer others to do it. You should not have bought the gift for the waiting room. It assumes that the doctor cannot afford it. I would say sending a card for his birthday would be more appropriate. People might suspect you of buying his friendship, and perhaps getting a discount on your bill. You have to use your better judgment and if it does not feel right deep inside, do not do it. Also your friend may have felt insulted and figured you thought she wasn't feeding her husband good enough because she used only canned soup. It would have been better if when she said how good the soup was, that you offered to give her some to take home and ask if she wanted the recipe.

Hello CoffeeAnyone!:-) Sometimes people do things nicely that are not reflected back the same way. We don't get the kind of response that we deserve or we were anticipating. Sometimes other people do it deliberately and other times unknowingly. There is also a possibility that we don't understand their reaction and we assume that they haven't appreciated our good intentions and nice actions. That's why I try to give benefit of doubt to others. I remember you from one of my discussions here on mylot. I really liked your response there, especially the sincerity, passion and enthusiasm with which you responded. I really valued your comment and spent most of my time in replying to your comment and was expecting you to get back but perhaps you have been busy. I have too experienced it in past when I did something for someone with very positive intentions and sometimes even on other's request or wish but when I did, it backfired on me. I have many instances to relate here but I'll restrict myself to only one. In my job, before coming to studies, I enjoyed trust, a closer relation and confidence of my boss even though I was one of those who criticized him the most, usually on work related issues and strategies. Our job was a sort of consultant type where we also handled different projects. I have had the honor of leading some of them. There was this colleague who and my boss could never go along with each other. My this colleague requested me to do something so that our boss also give him some project. Well, one day my boss called me on his official residence and after we discussed work related issues, He asked me for suggestion about whom should be given a forthcoming project. I suggested the very colleague who had requested me to get him some project. He started talking about him and told me that how annoyed he felt about that colleague. I told my boss that he is a nice guy and a trustworthy person and he can handle the project adequately. My boss agreed and next day called that colleague and handed him over the project. To my utter surprise and dismay, that colleague came right to me, after our boss handed him over the project, and asked me why I talked to the boss about this project. I told him that he himself asked me to get him some project. He said, "well I didn't ask for this particular project". I was looking at him in disbelief as there was no point that he has clarified about this and that, he was desperate about getting anything he could lay his hands on. He insulted me in front of some other colleagues but I just moved on, as there was nothing I could argue on. I really never expected any thanks as he was a friend and what I did was according to merit and hence nothing special. But I never expected the kind of response he gave especially when he requested for it in first place. I was disappointed but then this is life and it happens al the time. In French we say, "C'est la vie" (this is life):-) Well that was one of my stories. I hope you won't be too bored reading it:-)

that happened to me to... at least something similar... people ask questions when they shouldn't and not put questions when they should... but we shouldn't blame them... you need a little patience... and some time... cos people tend to run when they are afraid of something... and in the end... life is a "woman who is thoroughly disliked", and the you die, but before you die you should "boghie-boghie" the "woman who is thoroughly disliked":P:)... if you know what I mean:)... all the best me friend

i got a lot of people around me.........considered them as my trsuted friends but can't be expected that from them. I know one old woman asking my help to talk to her daughter who is far from her and the children. she asked a help from me to write and when i tried they have talked but the daughter doesn't have a trust on her mother anymore. She tried to aske help from me that she will send money on my name and just give the amount directly to her sons not through her mother. later on the mother got mad and she sue me to people in authority that i am now enterig their private life........i don't know what to do because she asked my helped and i did and even spent most of my time for them just to reunited with her daughter who is far from them.............is it now my fault of helping them?

I have that happen alot of the time also. I just tell them that it is for a friend that I thought could use a smile. I have done fundraisers and the person that received the profits from them just look at me and not even say thankyou. hugs