At the End of My Rope!
By Aurone
@Aurone (4755)
United States
July 10, 2007 3:59pm CST
I hate to dump on everyone, but I am at the end of my rope!
My husband is in graduate school and has been ever since I have know him. He comes home every day with the "grad school is hard poor little me routine. No one has ever been through what I have been through" His negative attitude is oppressing me. I am miserable and he is making me miserable! Our relationship is nonexistant, we don't do anything together, I basically don't exist to him. He basically wants to be miserable with his computer! I have tried couples therapy, I have gone to therapy, and I am even on prozac. I have asked him whats wrong, tried to fix the things he has asked for and still nothing changes. I have told him how I feel and he doesn't seem to care. I cry all the time. I have put my life on hold for him and I just can't see doing it much longer.
He wasn't like this when we got married. But I have lived through almost two years of this mess and I just don't think I can take much more! Does anyone have any advice?! We were happy once, I just want us to be happy again.
4 people like this
10 responses
@HighReed1 (1126)
• United States
11 Jul 07
I can relate to your situation.
My husband was in Tech School and I was home with 2 little ones and pregnant. He would get home from school and sleep. I would go out cruising for McDonalds that still carried blueberry pie. It was VERY depressing!
It got much better after he finished school. We actually had a LIFE again!
There is hope! I don't know how much longer he has 'til he's finished with school, but I would try to hold on. If he doesn't want to do things, do something alone. Indulge in a hobby. I started checking my family history. And roaming the library.
You need to take some 'sanity time' for yourself.
4 people like this
@chrys84 (118)
• United States
10 Jul 07
That's really sad to hear, i hate reading stories about relationships going down the drain, because it discourages me. I really want to get married one day and i want it to work. But life isn't a fairytale and sometimes things don't go according to plan. Can i ask you a question? Do you and your family go to church? If not it would be a great start. These are the kinds of problems you can hand over to GOD and let Him take care of. If you're not the church going type then just pray. God listens to all His people, He wants you to find a relationship with Him so He can help you. If you do already go to church then ask for your church to help you. When you have more people praying for you, it's like yelling at God with a bull horn :) i wish you luck and love in your future and i really hope for the best for you and your family!
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
11 Jul 07
It seems like grad school is putting a lot of pressure on him and he can't think about anything else. I believe that as long as he's under this pressure, nothing is going to change. You're both in a tough spot right now. I wish I had some advice for you, but it sounds like you've already tried everything. The only thing I can suggest is trying to wait for him to get past this rough time in his life. I wish you the best of luck! Relationships are hard enough without all the extra stress.
2 people like this
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
11 Jul 07
"when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on it" just memorized it from a notepad I had long time ago..
I really do not know if tying a knot and hanging at the end of your rope will do you good rather than falling out..but I'm hoping it will, and then hoping even more that your hubby will begin to see you as his wife again.
there is hope, i can only advice you to Pray because God do listens and He knows exactly waht's goin on with your marriage.
Our prayers are with you! :)
@Healthkeep (996)
• Israel
11 Jul 07
It sounds awful - you suffer because he sufferes. Maby he is the one who needs help? I went through some depressive periods in my life (no prozac needed, but I felt kind of down). I've changed so much - for the good - people sometimes are amazed when they meet me.
There are ways to change one's way of seeing the world. It is a long way (it might take a few years), but you seem to love your husband, and it can be a mission of great profit - you would get closer to each other, share some great experiences with each other etc.
If you want some advice about some ways to do it, let me know.
2 people like this
@Healthkeep (996)
• Israel
11 Jul 07
Well, Yoga is great! Not much for weight loss, but certainly as a health inducer and a great tool for some peace of mind.
As a part of my consulting, I also help people with health challanges (such as weight problem, which is a very common problem nowdays, unfortunatly).
Have you thought about excercise on a regular basis? Maby even take your husband along with you for some 1 hour walks? It would certainly do good as much as health is concerned, and might even boost your relationship since you are having some quality time toghether.
1 person likes this
@gordy13 (9)
•
11 Jul 07
I went through something similar, at the end of the day you have to give it a try, with one proviso, you have to have a realistic time scale. I know that sounds a bit hard but if it is not going to work then for your own, as well as your families sake, it is best to move on.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
12 Jul 07
I just don't take that "poor me" crap!!! My fiance was in Viet Nam, saw combat, and still has a lot of his "react don't act" military training. I've been VERY GENTLY trying to break him of that.
"I didn't get to do HALF the things I needed to do today, and then I didn't get to do half the things I WANTEd to either!!!"
I know him. Were there 40 hours in a day he'd say the SAME THING!! I called him on this tonight, and I did this very gently. It worked, and he listened. It's just like the kitchen counter.
"I need bigger counters!"
"No you don't." I told him. "If the counters were bigger, you'd just clutter them up with more stuff!"
YUP!!! I know that because I am the same way!!!!
I just don't buy into that "poor me" crap and the less I buy into it, the more he learns to deal with life in other ways. I don't give him that act so I don't take it either.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
11 Jul 07
Did he actually participate in couples therapy or just go to please you?
I lived that way for years. And in the end he left me anyway.
I'd say give him choices - he changes his behavior or you leave. Then take care of yourself. Ultimately you are the only one who can.
@nolipo (407)
• United States
12 Jul 07
Grad school can be tough. I guess it depends on how much you love him. He probably has a lot of concerns and fears about when he's done. can he find a job. will he be able to provide for his family..etc. If you can realize that it's not you and that he is going through a whole bunch of stuff. Not to mention he sees that your not doing good yourself. and that can be an added thing on his mind, just try to just be there, let him vent, whine whatever. Becuase you know when he is through school and has a good job, he will feel better. The hardest part is trying to be supportive, it does wear you down. But if you can keep up that will help him and will help you in the long run too. All I can say is hang in there, be supportive (even if he doesnt seem to be aprieciative) and just love the man, not the actions.
hope that helps
1 person likes this
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
12 Jul 07
Your husband is focused on his education and his career. You are a given to him. He takes it for granted you will take this abuse and like it..but he is wrong.
I have seen many couples break up right after they finish their education. I don't know the exact reason but it happens.Maybe the male get bored with his plain unexciting dull wife and wants a bit of freedom to sow his oats. So pray for a crop failure and try to get him into reality that you are his responsiblity too..just as much as school,,job,,and his family and friends..Don't let him make you a door mat..stick up for your rights as his WIFE...
