What is your view on forgiving...and forgetting?

Thank you, my friend. You are really wise, I could notice that just by seeing the way you put your words together! I haven't been through many things on this life, and I am sure I have still a lot to learn. However, I'm passing through love, right now, and it's from there that I learn. I don't know if you think a 15 years old boy can love, but I am quite sure that what I feel inside IS love. Loving without being loved back... My greatest achievement would be conquering that woman, and I have to trust myself to do it. I said that some thigns can not be forgetting, and this is one of those things...

You are always impressing me with your knowleadge and your skill in using the right words at the right time! Well, I may be wise for you and for some other people here in myLot, but my mother does consider me a dumb. For her, I am just a dumb boy, you know? She thinks I have no knowleadge at all, about life. Well, I'm sorry if you got it wrong, Mr., but I wrote Conquering, instead of Mastering. Conquering, making her love you, if you know what I mean. Have a nice day, we shall meet each other again.

Well my young friend in years...from what you posted today and others before I would say you are definitely...wise beyond your years. Maybe you have only been around the sun 15 times but somewhere along your short journey on this plane you have developed a considerable amount of mature insight. I respect what you said about "being proud to remember that you got through the worst moments of your life...and now you are alright." That is so true, often the most desperate experiences develop an internal strength that would not be there otherwise. You have also brought up a valid perpective about not being able to forget...even if we want to. How true. You made a good point in saying that we cannot 'forget how to read.' I really appreciate your interesting, well thought out angle on this topic...thank you. You are always welcome here...you add a lot to the discussions. Your open-mindedness and willingness to learn reveals that you have a great outlook on life for a person of any age. And I think you share a common view of many Mylotters...we are also here to learn!

thanks with all he did to me getting out and aay from him was the best thing I could have done Hugs and Blessings

I appreciate your honesty in saying you are not sure...the question doesn't come with easy answers. It is regrettable that your ex caused you harm...but the good thing is you found a way out and have also put him out of your mind. Sometimes that is the best way to move on whether we forgive or forget. Being with the person who caused harm serves as a constant reminder and being away from their sphere of influence can be very healing. I am glad you found a better life without him...you deserve it. Take good care...bright blessings.

I know lying is a tough one to forgive...I have been there and throuht about it a lot. What I discovered when people close to me have lied is that it is a coping method. It is hard for people to honest with others when they cannot be honest with themselves. If people need to lie to themselves to avoid facing their worst fears...they will end up lying to even those they love. So experience has shown me that an understanding of their problem has allowed me to forgive them on more than one occassion. Adultery is another thing...many people commit adultery when they cannot face the truth of what is lacking within their relationship. To me a lack of emotional saftey is at the core of a lot of seemingly 'unforgiveable acts' that people do. Not that I think any of it is right...nor am I justifying their position. I am only stating what I know through my work as a life coach and group leader. There are many things I have learned in observing how others move through their traumatic life experiences. Having said that I absolutely agree that a repetitive pattern of lying or adultery is cause for concern. When people are unwilling or unable to accept responsibility for the choices they make...it is better to distance oneself and work on the forgiving/forgetting apart from the perpetrator. Holding ourselves and others accountable is probably one of the hardest things for many people to do...because they have to face their demons...and then do something about it. Your views on every topic never fail to add an interesting perspective. Thanks again Willowlady.

That is so true...but in our mortal forms we are not always able to emulate the light, love and forgivenss of the Divine. I hear you loud and clear when you say to let go of all the things that are not positive, helpful in learning and loving others and self. You have presented a wonderful philosophy and a simple recipe for forgiving and forgetting. Thank you once again healwell for adding your own brand of wisdom to the topic.

Your choices are great examples of the benefits received when we are able to forgive. There is an uplifting release of tension after holding the pain for so long...you are right it does relax. Forgiveness and acceptance do bring about greater tolerance...and with that the ability to forget and move on can be easier....eventually. Your experiences and addition to the discussion are appreciated.

Hi again... Your statement about forgiveness being necessary to live a peaceful life adds another good angle to the discussion. Also the reminder of how many times we have all been forgiven by others...that is so true. On the forgetting topic a wise 15 year old member said he thinks it is hard to forget because some things are impossible to do. He used the example that we could not forget to read...and I liked that example. The hard-wiring that remains over larger traumas and how easily they can be triggered is a valid view too...glad you brought that up. Yes, the story of the women with her murdered child is a pivotal example. I think you are right..no one could say for sure how we would react unless we were living the circumstances ourselves and you are right sometimes we do pleasantly surprise ourselves with the way we face duanting life challenges. Like you...and the way I know you will handle the root canal when the time is right! Nice hearing from you again...thanks for the keen observations.

I have read your comments to Jeanne's response. With me the pain started 18 months ago and I did my best and forgave but it is hard when it is your only child who had shown no remorse for her actions and finally she said well I thought you were supposed to die but you didn't. Now we have become totally estranged since last Christmas. I had to make an end to the same thing happening over and over again. She has made a half-hearted attempt to establish a relationship again but I just can't do it.

I understand what you are saying...and your point is similar to others. I added some additions comments to Jeanne's on the idea of forgetting. Maybe that is more aligned to the way you see things. Your input is appreciated...this has turned into one of the most interesting talking points among all the discussions I have posted.

Yes, the forgetting part can be challenging. I value your openness and the integrity of your viewpoint. We all have to decide what we can and cannot live with and what we will release or hold. The gift of free choice allows us that...and I appreciate your willingness to add your experiences to the topic.

You have added much wisdom and truth in one, strong, powerful statement of truth, love honor and respect. Thank you for the brief, but eloqeuent addition to the discussion.

So are you saying that wiping out the need for retribution as in forgive the debt for a repeated crime is nobel and pratical? You feel there is no need for discipline in our world and everyone should be free to do as they please? You see that I think the justice of GOD allows us to apply forms of discipline to situations when a person doesn't learn and continues to commit criminal acts. I have a story to share, have you heard of my story? Retaliation is the sin that we are to forgive, retribution and discipline for moral and righteous reasons are not against the laws of GOD. Of course that is my opinion, you can keep yours if it still feels good for you, and the people that harm and lie to you, I'm sure they love your response to them... Peace and Love,

Wow, youdontsay!!! I've never heard "forgetting" defined that way. It makes so much sense!!! With that definition in mind, I realize that I can and DO forget! I keep the memory of the event to help me avoid it in the future -- but when I forgive, I acknowledge the other person's own issues which caused them to behave as they did, and also understand that they will eventually pay for it at the hands of a "higher authority."

Hi again youdontsay, What you describe in your counselling work is what I have also seen in my work as a group leader and life ooach. You have stated the benefits of forgiveness in a concise way when you said that; "we don'd completely heal from the hurt until we let them go...let the feelings go and that you have seen many people's lives open up and thrive once they have worked through the forgiveness." It is an eloquent summary of the idea of forgiveness. I agree with you that whatever we hold so tightly to us can become a tie that binds. One Buddhist teaching that came to mind when I read your post is; 'The root of all human suffering comes from out attachments, mental, pysical, spiritual or emotional." Thanks you for always adding an expansive view to the topic material.

Well after reading your closing comments I am very pleased you chose to add your very insightful comments to the discussion. Thank you for the 'gems' acknowledgment I appreciate it. I have so many ideas buzzing around in my head that it is good to have another outlet besides my regular work as a free lance writr. Anyway AnoChadudhary...you have a very good grasp on the whole idea of forgiving and forgetting and I am glad you chose to participate and hope you will again. Perhaps the wisest thing is your statement that forgiving only changes our lives..and it does in very profound ways. Your emphasis on forgiving oneself is a biggie...and often more difficult than forgiving others. It is a very multi-layered process...and whatever we choose it can have far-reaching ripple effects. Sounds like you have learned many valuable life lessons...and it is good to hear about them...thanks for adding your persepctive. Hope you will come again.

i guess, you're right, i really have moved on from this experience. i hope that i would be able to forgive her and forget the pain that she's caused.

I hear your pain through your words. It sounds as though you have come quite a way in your healing journey and are doing your best to move on...may the rest of your journey provide greater ease...and more inner peace. For me, forgetting does not mean we accept or condone what happened...but that within the forgiving...and in some ways forgetting we relinquish and release attachments to the energy around the event. In my journey a willingness to release all attachment to the memory, the event and the person...the pain associated it with it also began to dissolve. I know from personal experience...I have had many daunting things occur. However, they have faded in the intensity of the original event as I was willing to allow myself to forgive...but then that is only a personal perspective. Wishing you the light-filled blessings to illuminate the shadows from the past.

I think the idea of 'forgetting' needs a little more definition. I agree with you that we rarely ever totally forget something that was a traumatic event. What I have found in my experiences is years later something may trigger the memory and bring it back. However, the rest of the time it lies within what I call the 'memory banks of time' and are only recalled if and when needed. Forgetting completely would mean we'd probably have to re-learn the lesson again. So no, I think the tough lessons teach us to be more discerning with who we trust and allow into the inner ripple of our soul path experience. I do my best to live by the fool/hurt me once...shame on you...fool/hurt me twice or more...shame on me. I obviously did not learn my life lesson the first time around. I am glad you came back and added another perspective to you experiences...and glad to know your healing journey has moved you to safe, higher ground. Hope you will visit again..there will be more discussions like this one..because I love to read and write about humans being..rather than humans doing.

Your comments here are part of the reason I posted a second part of to this topic. Forgetting is probably not the best word...because I agree if we forgot...the same thing might re-occur. I think it is more forgiving...and then disengaging for all the energy around the event. So yes, I agree I don't think we ever truly forget...just make a choice to integrate the events and begin to life life again. I appreciate your little input...little input..but big ideas!.

Hello to you... Your have added much personal insight to the discussion and it is appreciated. Your father sounds like an excellent role model and you have obviously chosen to integrate his wonderful philosophy and make it your own. In regard to the forgetting part I actually posted a sequel to this original post because I agree with your view. It is hard to truly forget traumatic, hurtful events...if we are honest they are hardwired into our pyche. I respect what you said about not wanting to resurrect the old energies...by releasing them it does make it easier to live in the present and to create better tomorrows.

I always have that thought of forgiving, but I have to take things one at a time. Your parents should be proud of you, as you did turn out to be a good person after all those sufferings that you experienced. As for me, I'll continue my journey in life and hope that I learn more from it!;)

Hi raijin, Your thoughtful assessment of the topic and disucssion is appreciated. I am constantly amazed by the responses I read on the perspective site. When I post something I do so because I truly am interested in hearing what other members have to say...and have never been disappointed...including your comments. I understand your 'push-pull' on the idea of forgivenss. I don't think anyone who has been hurt, betrayed, used, abused, victimized or suffered through the atrocities of humanity finds it 'easy' to forgive. I know I sure didn't. It is part of why I wrote a 33 chapter book that I am planning to market. My family upbriging created a lot of suffering in my earlier life. It took years to work through all the layers of pain, anger, fear, sadness, loss, victimization I felt. Yet with a lot of hard work, a determination to heal my life and become whole...things have changed and I was able to forgive both my parents for the choices they made that had such and adverse effect on my life, health and mental and physical well-being. I chose to forgive because I knew the forgivenss would set me free. As long as I kept clutching on to my pain I was still being controlled by my father...as he did while I was growing up. Setting him free to work out his soul path and the consequences of his choices allowed me to let go...and let God take things over. It took me many years to reach this point...but part of became easier when I stated my intent to Source to help me let go and move on. I received the spiritual help through my free choice and a readiness receive. The power of intent, asking to receive...and opening to it can and does have a profoundly spiritual effect on people's live. I know that for sure through my personal and professional experience. Wishing you a light-filled journy in whatever you choose to do.

Don't stand on shakey ground, there is more to forgiveness than you are teaching and promoting. I'm trying to work all things together all aspects, to hole liars accountable is not hate, and to do good is not wrong. Forgiveness of the heart, and by asking there are two issues at work... They work together.

I believe in remembering, and forgiving especially when a person is repentant, forgiving as a rule but also holding people accountable for their actions. These thought usually get turned into mind games, the truth is really more simplistic and great peace can be obtained when we all learn to work together.

Thanks for stopping by for a visit and adding your inimitableviewpoint to the discussion. I will check out the reference to your discussion and get back to you. There is no doubt that the many atrocities that many experience seem incredibily difficult to forgive. However, as many other Mylotters have stated the decision to forgive and release the energy around any event can and does liberate. The more we focus attention on the acts of the perpetrator, the more we are enslaved by the association. Not any easy thing for anyone to work through...but from the responses I see here...many are doing it. I always appreciate hearing from you...your perspectives are interesting...and on this site...all perspectives are welcome. That is, all those who honor and respect the opinions of others...whether they agree or not.

Ahhh' I should have known... May I be the one to invite you to a place that you are just going to love... :) Have you been to the site Communati? Communati.com Read my article about Communati and consider joining, the site is Canadian born, and you will really like having your interests expanded as there are other professional writers seeking to help other writers become professional. I love to bring assets together. I think I know why we are on the same train, for we are heading in the same direction. :)

There are great wonders to behold, a struggle from a time of old. One to one, two become one with Love they grow. Let's talk about words and definitions the value of meaning... Let's talk about Love and Peace and being honest and a flawed leadership and the lies that have prospered the corruption of the system and how people have subverted the truth to make fools of the good and allowed evil to flourish. Self righteousness? Pure joy that flows from knowing the truth, and sharing what we know to be true. I'll listen to you if you'll listen to me... Eventually I'll manage to make my words sing... There is a song building up inside of me, I have a need to share... It's all because I care... You'll see if I can get you to open your eyes, you'll see something new and old and beyond where you are and where you will be. You'll see... The sea from afar, the clouds in the sky, on wings gliding the world is not just passing you by, you'll fly... Sleep with the angels tonight and always forever, Peace and Blessings, Sincerely, Gary

Greetings again TGWB... When I read more of what you write without the rough edges the essence of your content comes through on a differnt resonance. I do value your comparison to the parallel destination...we come together in each other's path for what I believe is a reason..a season or...a lifetime. We have been drawn into these dicussions because there is a resonance there..and I will check out the site you suggested. I am clearer now with your agreement with the concept that we are all students and teachers to each other along the discovery trails of life. However...whomever the teacher is...I recoil when they leave no room for free choice within any discussion. That is something Creator gave each of us...so we can learn, experience and move through transformational changes in our own time...according our individual level of awarenss. As long as those boundaries are kept in place...I am willing to listen to anyone on anything. However..the moment someone starts ranting and making everyone else wrong by the rightness of their convictions they have revealed more of their true nature than they may know...or understand. It is not our work here to brow-beat anyone into thinking the way we do that is how cults begin and remain in place. Free choice says each of us has a right to choose. Respecting differences was the one thing every great master teaches...as Jesus said...Love and treat others the way you would like to be treated. Intense brow beating of a fellow brother or sister does not fit with the doctrines I have been taught within my religous/spiritual studies from Christianity, Buddhism, Suffism, Judiasm, Aboriginal Spirituality. There are common threads of truth about love, respect, honor, compassion, forgivenss...and anyone who studies...can see the Universality of certain spiritual truths. The rest of it is dogma that humanity has created for their own needs. Nothing wrong with that either if it helps you get where you are going...that is the beauty of free will...an eternal exploration of Self in relation to Source...and doesn't that make life an ever-changing...but expansive journey...ahhh yes...at least from my perspective anyway.

Hello anonymiti Welcome to the perspectives website...thanks for flying by with your angel wings to join the discussion. It sounds as though you had a lot to work through in your relationship with your your ex husband. I agree with you that the pain of betrayal and deception can be a difficult thing to forgive...it does take time and a willingness to do so of, course. I appreciated your honesty when you said that 'hating him would take over your life." The way you describe the fact that you don't care about him anymore is a big clue to me that you really are over him and have moved on. After a story like that it is wonderful to hear that your life is good and that you have found a soul-mate who nourishes your spirit and helps you fly above the suffering from your past. Your last comment about receiving your reward for putting up with such a Jack---A@!#% for so long provided a chuckle. It could also be the Universe's way of giving you a big pat on the back for doing your healing work around forgiving...and mostly forgetting so you could move on and embrace the life you now have. A wonderful example of the discussion...thank you for sharing...come again!

Your view is appreciated and you could be right that we never forget...but we can also choose not to remember or re-visit things as often. By remembering less ...our minds can focus on creating some new, happy experiences. Works for me.