Contemplating Divorce but Your Church is Against It

As someone who has been married for 25 years I think I can say that I have seen all the ups and downs of marriage. There have been at least 3 times that I seriously contemplated divorce, but my faith and my church's views stalled me. There were times when I felt so absolutely miserable, like I could never be happy. I thought the only way I would ever be happy was to get out of this situation. I was wrong. Not taking the easy way out forced me to look for other alternatives. There were times when I was trying so hard to work on my marriage. I would go to the counselor but my husband would not. Then there were times when I was just angry and didn't want it to work out and he was seeing a counselor without me. I am thankful that our faith and spiritual views kept us in the marriage. We got it together, after many, many years of mistakes and now I know what a truly fulfilling and happy marriage can be. I know that there are exceptions. If there is abuse or addiction involved, but in most cases if you stay with it and are determined to make it work you will be rewarded with a lifelong partner that you can grow old with. Most of the time it's simply our inability to effectively communicate with each other. Then we become angry and dissatisfied and feel cut off from each other. I don't know your situation, or if there are children involved. There were times when it was only for the sake of my children that I kept going. I know how hard this is. You want someone to tell you it's okay, just get out and everything will be okay. Unfortunatly the problems you have will only follow you to the next relationship if there not resolved now. My counselor helped me to focus on my own problems and fix the things in myself that I wasn't happy with. I became a happier person in an unhappy marriage but then my husband started working on his problems and together we grew stronger. There is hope this can be fixed. It is up to you and how much you want it.

I was in an abusive marriage and was not willing to walk away. I wanted to work it out. Abuse is an exception but I was not willing to give up without a fight. I think it was pride more than anything that kept me from walking away because, in the end, it was my EX that walked away. As for the Church, I had justifiable cause for the ending of my marriage and received an annulment. I do think it is too easy to just walk away without doing everything you possibly can to make it work... church or no church. I believe God brought my current husband into my life for a reason. We were together a short time and then broke up. I moved to a different city and didn't see him for a year. But he found his way back to me and we have both changed because of our relationship. We have had a lot of downs and quitting has been an option (for him), but we have hung in there and hopefully will continue to hang in there forever. When I see signs of a breakdown again, I will seek counselling. I don't expect my husband to join me but you can't change the other person. You can only change yourself and they will respond to your change by changing themselves. I am not trying to sway you one way or the other if you feel your mind is made up. I am just giving you my opinion and my experience. Good luck to you, my friend.

I agree with acdc...you are the one who is actually living your life, not the church...so why should you be the martyr adn live in sorrow and misery just to keep the church happy? I doubt very much God would want that at all....And if you fear the members of your church are goin to give you flack for it, pipe up and explain to them that your sorrow, your unhappy marriage is holding you back not only in life overall but as far as your religious you goes as well and thats not acceptable....If ppl bring god into the equation you simply need to say that its between you and God and the two of you have an understanding.....Honestly, do you think God would want you to continue living like this knowing you dont want to be in that situation...I doubt he would....I think he'd most certainly understand and agree with your choice to divorce should you go that route

The church follows the law of the land and that is in the Holy Bible. There is not conflict legally speaking. Morally however, of course, divorce should not be done but if the problem is really serious and only divorce is the ultimate remedy, then why not, divorce.

You could choose to see this as a test from God. Another event in your life that He has send your way to make you a better person. Lots of us, transfer our conscience to our church. The bottom line is doing what is the best for you. And be prepared for alot of stormy water. A good year of hard time but then you will be happy and most probably your spouse too.

We may get many chances in life but we have only one life to live.Dont spend the rest of your life miserable when you could enjoy it.I am sure you read your bible and you have your own beliefs about marriage and divorce and if you feel like getting the divorce is doing the right thing then that is what is best for you and your husband in the long run.It's your life, make the choice to improve it so you won't end up with regrets.

I think its better for you to be happy, than worry about what god thinks about a divorce. I think his main idea/goal for us, is to live a happy life. So if you're unhappy in your marriage, end it, and change things to make yourself happy. Good Luck Hun.