What do I say to my 25 year old son who just attended the funeral of his best
By sodapop
@sodapop (977)
United States
July 15, 2007 8:38pm CST
friend and room mate for three years. All this guy wanted to do was go to college. He had I forget what you call it, it was cancer of the blood. He fought it for a year and a half and always said he would graduate college. That was his goal for life. He didn't make it. He was doing so good and then all of a sudden...he was registered for fall classes. My son is a strong christian, but this one is hard for me to explain. If you needed it, he would give a stranger the shirt off his back. He did everything for everybody. He was always there. My son said that there was a lot of college kids at the funeral, which I guess is good. My son was a pall bearer. I am so in shock, and more than half way across the country on business. I don't know what to do or say to my son except cry with him over the phone. Any suggestions? I don't even know who or when they will pack up his stuff from the house. I'm just lost....
6 people like this
9 responses
@sodapop (977)
• United States
16 Jul 07
I know it's normal to die, it's just hard when they are young. And why did he have to suffer for so long, it's just not fair. This is when I start thinking God should have taken someone in jail, who will never become of anything, instead of this good human being. That's what is so hard.
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
21 Jul 07
Sometimes the best thing to do is just be there for your son and listen when he wants to cry or talk. Giving a shoulder for him to cry on is probably all you really can do at the moment, whether you are far away or right next to him. Just comfort him the best you can...I'm sure it will be a big help to him. I'm so sorry for the loss of this friend hon.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
23 Jul 07
You know, no matter how old our kids get, they will always need their mommies. And right now your son needs you more than ever. Like I said, just be there for him and comfort him, even if it's just by holding him while he cries (and tell him that it's ok for a grown man to cry and that it doesn't make him a "sissy".....Aunt Carryl said so). It's going to take him a while to come to terms with everything, and he might even need to go to a grief counselor, but hey, it will help if that's what he decides to do. Hugs to you my friend. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder too.
@sodapop (977)
• United States
23 Jul 07
Thank you, it really makes you wonder why him and not somebody like me who has lived a good life. He was so young, with such a smart brain, and a good heart. Today my son packed up about half of his stuff, and all the other room mates helped. Then they loaded up the car and all together took it to his parents. This is when I think it really hit my son. As long as his stuff was there, my son seemed to be handling it ok, not good, but just ok. Now, it's really hitting him hard. It's even made it hard for me to get on myLot the last couple of days.
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13387)
• United States
16 Jul 07
I think the only thing that you can do is to be there for your son and give him your ears and listen to him and your shoulder to cry on. Just tell him how sorry you are about the loss of his friend and roommate and give your sympathies to everyone there. His roommate worked hard to get where he was at and sounded like a good person as well and is now resting in peace in heaven.
1 person likes this
@tholitz (1127)
• Philippines
16 Jul 07
Maybe tell him that God had every reason for whatever is happening in our world and life. I think it would be better if you could be with him in this lonely days, to be his cry on and comforting shoulder. Remember that he had lost someone he dearly love (a bestfriend) and it would be great that someone who loves him is there to comfort him in this sorrow and unhappy moment. Give him some encouraging words and enlighting verses from the bible and I know he could get it through and have a normal life once again.
@sodapop (977)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I know he will get through it, but it's just so hard right now. All we have is faith and each other. He was the first friend my son made in college at the age of 17, and they have done everything together...even help each other grow up. And now he had to help burry him. It's just tearing him up inside. I know he will have a normal life down the road, but he's having trouble seeing it right now.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 Jul 07
You are doing it. Your son he can come to you and talk if he needs to or cry. You are there for him and he knows it.There isn't anything that you can say, but you can be there.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
16 Jul 07
You need to make a strong gesture. Sometimes you don't have to say anything to make someone feel better. If you can, you need to fly to him right away. Even if you can only stay for a day or two. Go to him, don't cry with him over the phone...let him cry on your shoulder. And just comfort him, you don't have to have a speech made, he will be so happy to see you...and you coming will show him how much you care, and that he isn't alone even though his friend is gone :(
This is such a sad story! I am sorry for his loss, so sad! I hope he feels better!
@sodapop (977)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Thank you for your kind words. He is one not to show his feelings, but anybody who knows him, knows he is torn up really bad inside. I can't fly to him right now because of my job, and it's killing me. He doesn't want to fly to me and be away from the friends in the house. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I can't win. Well, nobody wins in this situation.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
16 Jul 07
It's really tough to answer such a question. Why do all the children have to go hungry? Why are child abusers get to live and babies die. The only thing I know Is that God is in control even if and when it dosen't seem that way. He loves us and he can see our future and knows whats best for us. Maybe all you can do is cry with your son maybe thats all thats needed. Just pray for the words and God will give them to you when they are needed
@moneytalks07 (219)
•
16 Jul 07
I don't think you have to say anything. He's 25 he can cope with it afterall it's something we have no control over or we can't stop.
@moneytalks07 (219)
•
18 Jul 07
My grandmother who was very close to me past away last year and yes it was hard to cope with it as a young adult too but hey I did so hopefully your son can too.
