Are you a good daughter-in-law?

I don’t know about good or bad, but I have been a very compromising daughter-in-law. Let me explain: Ten years of marriage and living with my in-laws in a joint family has taken its toll on my mind and physique. At 34, my hair has greyed beyond the normal acceptance level and I look way beyond 40. Contributing to the family’s monthly expense has left my husband and me almost penniless and it’s been 2yrs we have taken even a weekend holiday. I have no control over my house (its not my house anyway, its my in-laws), my family (everything from the monthly grocery to the daily menu is decided by my mom-in-law), my money (though I work, most of my money goes to the bank, to compensate for my husband’s contribution to the family expense). We buy clothes just once a year, that too maximum 3sets as whenever we buy, we have to buy for the entire family, whether they need it or not. Girls in my office go on shopping sprees. I avoid them. Compromising within the family infrastructure on everything, starting from space and ending with food, has left me bitter. I am an only child of working parents but post-marriage, I have never had a second helping of anything I liked, food is just evenly distributed among all of us by my mom-in-law. Though my in-laws are nice people and take care of my son throughout the day, yet I just can’t take it anymore. Its their life, their family, their home….its just not mine. I don’t know if I am just selfish or many women in my place face the same predicament.

i'd like to think i'm a good daughter-in-law. i've so far no rift with my mother-in-law for the past 6 years that her son and i have been married. maybe it helps that we're not living together in the same house. for about 8 months, she did live with us last year to take care of my newborn daughter and we got along fine. we just mind our own business and try not to get into each other's business. i show my respect for her by consulting her about decisions i make regarding the baby and that's just fine with her. i guess she appreciated that i valued her opinions.

Actually two years ago my father in law tried that on me. I learned from my husband to stand up for myself. So I did that day. He wanted MY truck home at a certain time. He didn't want me going to MY PARENTS house because my parents and I weren't getting along so great but we did of course make up. He wanted everything his way or no way. Well being 26 I am consider an adult so I took things in my own hands and told him it was my life I will make my choices that I need to make, he wasn't going to tell me how to run my life. Well of course he didn't like it and at the time we were living on his property and he told me to leave. So I did I packed my things and left. To this day I don't talk to him.. He is not my father. I only have one father and my husband understand that. So of course I don't listen to them in-laws that is.

As far as I know, I am a good daughter in-law but not submissive to my mother in-law. I object/reject and state my affirmation when needed. I don't bumped at her, I keep a space for respect and understanding because I value our relationship.