which is better for children?
By mighty_mara
@mighty_mara (161)
United States
July 16, 2007 1:53pm CST
my husband works all night and sleeps all day. he is the sole provider for all in the house. when he is home and awake he complains about how money is spent, how the children behave, how the house looks, how i speak, everything. he used to call our daughter a pig but i told him it was uncalled for so now he says " mommy says i cant call you a pig but...." he tells me i cant leave because i am in the child abuse registry for neglect (when my adhd daughter ran off) and he will get custody. so my ?? is is it better to bring in all the money and put everyone and everything down or do you think that with help from someone i could win custody and get out from under his thumb and keep my kids safe?
3 people like this
5 responses
@mikesgal4ever1999 (732)
• United States
17 Jul 07
My husband works nights and sleeps days and I hear a lot of the same things however he doesn't control me. We discuss things like adults should (well most of the time LOL) I have a child that is ADHD, ODD, and BiPolar as well as learning disabled (talk about a mix of emotions there) and he has run off too and they didnt' report me in a registry just because of that. I reported him as running away and the circumstances behind that. Doesn't seem like someone did right by you and didnt' understand your situation. Document everything (but dont' let him catch you) and written is better than nothing. Tape recordings would be AWESOME and any eye witness accounts of anything as well. And just because you have a 'difficult' older daughter, doesn't mean that he would automatically get custody. I would call a lawyer NOW or a legal service. Also a womens shelter. They cater to situations like this and what you are going through is ABUSE, period. Doesn't matter if its mental or physical, its still abuse. Get a job--even if its only a few hours a day, its something and you would be bringing in your own money. Start a seperate account to save your money in. A woman's shelter would help you with more ideas. There is help out there hun...go and look for it but dont' let him know EVER what you are doing. Best Wishes hun (from someone who has been there done that)
@mighty_mara (161)
• United States
17 Jul 07
great advice except that the older daughter is only 5 and due to comments made by him because "i wasnt doing my job" i quit working so as to not leave him alone with her. but otherwise yes i have been documenting in a journal everything. i write at night when he goes to work, seal that days entry in a ziplock, and bury under the house.
@billgate08 (16)
• China
17 Jul 07
I don't think your husbend is a good one.Expecially,he call your daughter apig,so what is he and you,i't stupid,and it's wrong and cruel to the child.We are easy to harmed.I have the experience.i don't want this thing happen after me. God bless!!!
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
17 Jul 07
You probably have a better chance at getting custody if you had all your things in life together. So if I was you, I would find a job and then find a place for you and the kids to live. You need to show the system you can do it and then I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem getting full custody. But in most cases, they give the person who has a stable home and job custody. You need to have a job and a home. But with him being so controlling, that must be hard. I would move out, stay with a family member for now and then get back on your feet.
And if he is calling your daughter a pig, that is a form of abuse. Keep records of everything.
And you may be in the registry because your child ran off, but kids do things like that, it doens't mean you were at fault. Just stay strong. It will work out. Take it day by day.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
16 Jul 07
It sounds like he is a controlling and emotionally abusive man. You need to take all the documentation to a lawyer and possibly consider a women's shelter if you don't have family and friends to stay with. You will be more likely to retain custody if you leave him now on your own before the kids' home life gets any worse and the authorities get involved. If that happens they could say that you "allowed" his emotional abuse of your daughter by not leaving him sooner.
He has no right to be treating you and the children this way...you deserve better!
@13thWITCH (8)
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
that is something.
for a marriage to be like that, something must have happened between the two of you and its retaliation time now. Your husband trying to get back to you by hurting the children. although...how can he do that? i sense so much anger.
i say,document everything. get proof that although he is the bread winner, he is malicious and is hurtful to the family. get yourself a job. and fight for the kids...oh, keep your fingers crossed too.
