Husband dislikes ring I wear (gift from first husband)
By faithriver
@faithriver (43)
United States
July 17, 2007 1:19am CST
Recently I posted a discussion about my friend whose fiance refuses to buy her a wedding ring -- ooOOOOoooo boy, that sort of opened a can of worms! You see, my friend in the course of these discussions remarked about a ring that I wear on my right hand. It was a gift from my first husband who is now deceased.
I am remarried now, and I have a wedding ring on my left hand, but I still wear the other ring on my right hand because:
a) it was a gift my first husband gave me when our daughter was born (was not a wedding or engagement ring)
b) it is a family piece of jewelry and it means a lot to me that I get to wear it (I feel it honors his memory and his family)
and
c) I really like it!
Trouble is, it sort of bugs my current husband. He has never asked me NOT to wear it, but once or twice he has said he wonders why I wear it.
So.... opinions on this one??
thank you!!
4 responses
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Did your husband pass away while you two were still married or did you get a divorce and then he passed away later? If you had gotten a divorce first, then I could understand why your husband wouldn't want you to wear the ring, because it was from an ex. However, if you are a widow, then I think you need to explain to your husband the meaning behind the ring. Just because your husband passed away doesn't mean he no longer means anything to you, and since the ring was given to you when your daughter was born, it has more of a meaning than just becuase it came from your husband.
1 person likes this
@maroussiaf (30)
• France
30 Jul 07
Yes your late husband does mean something to you! He was the first man you committed to and the father of your daughter! He is as much a part of you as your new husband is. Is he going to ask you to forget ebout your daughter because she isn't his? I totally understand that he can be jaleous, I have a husband myself who can't bare the idea of me having had a life before him (we met, I was 30...), but this experience made you the person you are today and that he loves! I guess he loves your daughter too! Just explain your feelings to him, tell him it represents the birth of your daughter and that it might heurt HER that he asks you to forget about her father. Maybe you could aks your daughter's opinion and have her join the conversation... just a thought.
@NewbieHelper (308)
• Canada
17 Jul 07
Have you explained the ring's significance in a clear way to your husband? To let him know that you associate the ring with the event of your daughter's birth and the OTHER things the ring means to you (other than just liking it)? So that your husband knows that you're wearing it for certain reasons instead of thinking of your late husband every time you look at the ring?
Maybe if you assure your present husband that there are very different associations surrounding the piece of jewelry, he will stop thinking of your husband when he sees the ring.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
31 Jul 07
Yeah, there's some type of insecurity. I mean, who could ever be better than the deceased husband anyway? He'll forever be at his shadow of greatness, and everyday he has to deal with the fact that his wife still lingers for the deceased.
If I were you, you should at least be a little more sensitive about the feelings of your new husband. Put yourself in his shoes, if ever he had a deceased wife, and he tells you he loves her so much, and he puts a picture of her in your bedroom, wouldn't you be insecure? Well, maybe that's how he feels about your ring.
I say you try to detach yourself from the ring for now. Try your best to stay away from it little-by-little. The past needs to be let go in order for you to embrace the future.
Good luck!
@ChupoLibro (54)
• United States
20 Jul 07
He's just worried that you still hold more love for your 1st hubby than you do him and he just needs to be reassured more often. If that doesn't help, then I think he's insecure and it's something he'll have to deal with with your help or a therapist's help. I see nothing wrong with remembering someone that was important to you who was also the father of at least one of your children, and whom you lost against your will. He is no longer around in physical form and therefore he should have no worries.
