Do you ever worry that you're "that needy friend"?

I am not that kind, I am rather the lonely and sometimes selfish that calls you once in a decade (but this once is good lol). But this made me remember my sister, which is the opposite: she is "needy" of "needy friends" precisely... she has some kind of psicologist complexe and is always finding friends that "need her advices" or so. Sometimes that is good, but sometimes it is totally fictional and made of in his mind, and that cause her troubles... that scares me sometimes...

No, I don't worry that I am that needy friend. I don't normally call people, they end up calling me. I call often, but not to the point that I would be worried about that. I dont necessarily label my friends as to how many times they call. If they need me they should call me or if they just need to hang out and get things off of their chest. I welcome these calls and want to do all that I can to be a good friend, so I don't think anyone is too needy. Some people just need more attention than others at different times of their life. Stop worrying so much!

Hi lecanis this is so true we all have these needy friends.LOL I do have many of them I seem to attract them.Hahahahaha But I dont mind I feel sorry for them and if I cant help I will. Everyone needs somebody in their life that they can count on. I always try to be a good friend.

Hello lecanis. How are you now? I just gotten out from my days of hibernation but pretty much laying low for a while still. With regards to my best friends, I know that they quite busy with their own life. I know where to look and when to holler them. I do not even need to yell when I needed them. They will be there beside me within seconds. No questions ask. Days will stretch to a month without communication but we all know that we can rely on each other in times of need. I have some friends whom I considered a mere acquaintances who only remember you when they are down and need my help. I really don't categorize all my friends. I treat them all fairly.

i think i'm the person and i don't bother friends because i can't trust them for really reassuring and encourage me,so i trust my mum for sure as she is THE best then my husband and father both giveme good support ,but not that girlie emotional support for that my mum or my sisters are there.currently my daughter not interacting in her talks is a matter of concern for me though she sings all her rhymes and she has never been sick in her life ,sooo.... she is 2.8 and no talking of her is because i didn't talk to her out of ignorance.so do u have any suggestions lecanis or is it too much then u can ignore.thnx

Hello lecanis!:-) I'll try to be to the point: Do you ever worry that for one of your friends, you're that person? I think, I am sure that I am not. But, I have been at some point in my life before I found my spiritual friend but even with him, I am not. He contacts me whenever I need or otherwise I can contact him without bothering much. As for my other friends, I ask for advice only once, if they entertain my request, well and good, if not, well, I am not bothered and our relationship remains the same. In this case, I believe that there must be something of their not getting back to me. If any, it would be my partner no one else but even in this case too, I believe I am not "that needy friend". I think friendship should be a freeing experience, making us more and more strong to deal with our problems in an optimistic and realistic way without needing much external help. I am glad that through the course of several years, I was able to make some of my friends much less dependant compared to what they were before. Do you assign these types of labels to your friends? I very loosely assign these labels or perhaps I don't assign at all as such. All of my friends have developed themselves and have evolved through time, thus not allowing me to assign such labels as such. If there's any, I would try my best to free him/her so that we can enjoy friendship on higher level where we mutually benefit from each others knowledge and experience. I am actually working on some of my new friends and hope to finish my job sooner than later. Do you find yourself sorting your friends by what type of friend they are, or describing your group of friends on multiple levels? I sort my friends but not by this definition. I sort them out by the level of understanding and their knowledge of me as well as their field of expertise. It helps me take a different tone when there are sub groups and I need to address some issue. I enjoy talking to some of my friends just on spirituality, with others, more on politics and war issues and yet with others on social issues, crimes and welfare etc. There are some with whom I can talk about anything. I like to discuss issues with them and it gives me insight and perspective and an overall picture of the affairs. Am I asking too many questions in one discussion? NO, you have asked just three questions excluding this one which wasn't a question as such:-)

Nope not me, my friends get on me cause I never call or come by. I like my, "me time" I reckon and I just figured so does everyone else. So I don't like to bother people. Now I had one lunatic friend not so long ago, that was practically a stalker. She called at least 10 times a day, came over every day, always asking "are you mad at me?" and worrying I didn't like her. When she got to the point of pitching a fit cause I picked going to a movie with my husband over going to one with her, I dropped the friendship. That was getting a be a bit too much.

In my younger days I tended to attract those who needed a shoulder to cry on, needed someone to give them good advise or just a kind pair of ears to listen to their needs. Now I am not so tolerant as I have my own family and all my time is wrapped up with them. I find alot of people are very selfish and only want to be friends if they can get something out of it, so I tend to keep my distance now. I have 2 really good mates and they are so kind and giving it is hard to believe I have been fortunate enough to have them as friends. I listen to other people moan about their so called friends and all I can say is why do you put up with it? Maybe its a good thing or not, but the older I get the less patience I have and my thoughts are that I would rather be with my family than take up all my time with someone who only needs me when it suits them. Once bitten, twice shy is how I behave now and it takes me a long time to trust people now, so I am not very good at being a friend to someone who is needy, unless of course they need my help in a genuine way and then I am someone who will listen, never judge and support them, but this sort of relationship is hard to find. I know this sounds synical, but I suppose I can only go by my past experiences. xx

No, I know I am not a needy friend. I am just the opposite--too independent to call on others. I have trouble accepting assistance, always feeling I have to return any favors immediately. I feel like I'm in debt or something! I want to do for others and that is not always good. Sometimes I can feel superior when I do for others. Sometimes I like the attention I get that way, or because I feel more in control. There must be a happy medium here somewhere!

I was thinking Lecanis if you had performed Legilimency on me!! In fact I have been waiting for a response to an email from one of my best friends for about 3 months now. I have written to her 3 times and she has not yet replied back. I really don't know if anything is wrong with her. I am not sure if I have done anything wrong or hurt her feelings in any way. I guess I wouldn't have because we don't correspond that frequently.. just once in a while or so. But she usually replies to me as soon as she sees my email. This time I don't understand why she hasn't replied after even 3 mails. I was wondering whether I am pestering her very frequently. But I don't think once a month or once in 2 months is pestering. I have never felt that loving a person means corresponding with them so frequently that they get tired of replying back. But now, maybe I think I deserve some feedback from someone I consider a dear friend, else they don't feel that much for me anymore...or am I wrong?

I'm sure I'm not that needy friend. I don't want to bother my friend.I'd like to be a good friend for them. Sometimes I do call them several times but it's only if I need their answer immediately. In occasinal, I'm not gonna do it coz I don't like to disturb them and make them thinking I'm annoying which might make them avoid me.

I don't worry at all. I KNOW that I am not that type of friend. I am one that is always avoiding those types of people. No you are not asking too many questions. If anyone recognizes themselves here then maybe they should read on and learn.

Friends are there for each other. It's sort of a give & take relationship. Just make sure that you are reasonable in your requests and help them when it's their turn to ask you for something.

No I am not a needey friend. Actually I really dont have very many friends, and if anything I'm the one their needy too. It dont bother me too much though. If I can help them or give them reassurance or attetion I will.

Nope I never worry about being seen as "needy" because I know people don't see me that way at all - in fact quite the opposite which can bring it's own problems. I often wish I really was as independent and self-sufficient as people think I am! I had a "needy" friend and really she was exhausting. There were times during our friendship when I felt my whole life was revolving around her - in fact it probably was! We were friends for a good few years but it fizzled out once I started putting my foot down a bit and called time on being at her beck and call 24/7. It was a shame because she was actually a nice person and fun to be around a lot of the time but I just couldn't cope with her demands lol!! Actually in real life my friends are quite like my friends list on myLot. I have serious friends for my more "intellectual" moments, crazy friends for my fun moments and then there's what I call my "special interest" friends - for example I have a few that I only ever socialise with for music events or whatever because they like the same sort of things I do and others that I know through campaigning groups that I'm involved with. I get along well with all of them because they all appeal to different sides of my personality I think. They don't mix well though - I've tried mixing them before and it's never worked well.

No I'm afraid that I have neglected many of my friends. I tend to isolate myself sometimes. I have had some friends that were way too needy. It kind of scares me sometimes. I have a hard time standing up to people sometimes and telling them that I need a little space.

I guess I somewhat "sort" my friends in terms of what kind of "energy exchange" we have. Some (whom, I confess, I generally avoid) I think of as "black holes" and "energy sinks," and I suppose they might be the "needy friend" you're describing here. Then there are the ones who feel like they are always pushing energy AT me (even if it is in a well-meaning way), they are usually very vibrant and energetic people who can't sit still, and whereas I do enjoy their company, I generally get worn out pretty quickly. The people I like best are the ones with whom there just seems to be a "shared space" into which there is a sort of give-and-take, without any tendency fot the psychic energy to flow in a particular direction.

No, lecanis, I never worry that I am that person because it would take a major disaster for me to continually call on my friends. In fact, I am always being accused of just the opposite. They always say, "Why don't you call more often?" I have one very good friend who I always know when she is going through a tough time because she will call me 10 times a day. Usually this is after a breakup with her boyfriend. I know things are going smooth with her when she might skip a whole day without calling me. I love being there for my friends, but I usually try to work out my own problems on my own.

I think I have turned into that type of friend because I have email a new friend and have not heard from her. I think for me it is because I have more time then she does. I cannot work and my children are grown, she is working, raising her two chidren and taking care of her mother. I did all that before now it is her turn. I will sit back and wait until she has the time to write. I will spend time doing other things on the internet and try to keep myself busy.

Interesting question Lecanis. Sometimes my work as a life coach can blur the line in friendships...and I learned that one the hard way. When people hear that my hubby and I do life coaching we have had people want to 'pick our brains' to assist them in resolving their personal problems. Now what we do may be theraputic but we do not consider ourselves 'therapists.. We may coach, advise, suggest...but never 'tell' anyone what to do..they have to choose to use what we offer..or not. So earlier in our careers would did find it hard to keep professional boundaries in tact within 'friendships.' It took awhile but now old and new friends know we do this for a living..and do not call us in needy ways anymore. Now there is a difference in giving a friend a hard, or lending an ear in times of real need..or crisis. But work is work...pleasure is pleasure...and we keep those lines intact..for personal and professional reasons. We say to all our clients that..."You train people how to treat you." So when I have been in need I have certainly leaned on my friends for support. However, I am in independent person by nature...and believe in finding my own answers. So once things settle down I thank my friends for their support...but do not lean on them indefinitely. However, in your case Lecanis you have a lot on your plate right now and it is good to know you have some support from caring friends. We all need each other at different times and to varying degrees. If you are concerned why not ask them. If you feel people are taking advantage of your generous, caring heart...maybe it is time to establish some bondaries. I think the healthiest friendships involve genuine connections...with some room to grow and a respect for personal space. Now that is just how I see it..but then that is why we have these forums...so that is it for now. Continue to take good care of yourself. Wishing you and yours light-filled blessings.