Best yo mama Joke

OKOK here;'s my YO MAMA JOKE!! @@"There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal. Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud a*s trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in." hope ulike it^^;;dotmyspot.com

I have lots of jokes. I like the yo momma jokes. Here is one. Yo Momma is so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the trojan man! Ha, I like that one.

not the best ive heard...just the only one i could think of right now...i heard it on mtv's "yo momma"... - yo momma so fat...she could trick or treat at two houses at the same time... i thought that was pretty funny...it was also around halloween time when i heard it, so that made it even more funny...that yo momma show is pretty original television...oooou weeee...

I can't say which one is the best because I seriously don't like these kind of jokes. To me it sounds like you people are trying to find ways to insult each others mother without getting into trouble because it's 'just a joke'. It might also be because it envolves a lot of fat jokes and I know a lot of people who are fat because of diseases they have and jokes like these keep people thinking that the only way people can get fat is by eating the wrong food. Perhaps I'm thinking it over way to much but this is why I can't enjoy these types of jokes and don't think there is a best yo momma joke as I wouldn't define it as a joke.

One of the best interviews!! ! Interviewer: Tell me about yourself. Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology. Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before! Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya. Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering. Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years. Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6. Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it. Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned. Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!! Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life? Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative. Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study? Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!! Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked? Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai) Interviewer: And which languages have you used? Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages. Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB? Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD! Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language? Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly. Interviewer: What is your general project experience? Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline! Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job? Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows. Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience? Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes! Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company? Candidate: Not much. 1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 3. I believe in flexi-timings. 4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection? Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS .

PROFESSOR Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho? MUNNA BHAI Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CIRCUIT Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai. MUNNA BHAI Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai. CIRCUIT Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko. MUNNA BHAI Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega. CIRCUIT Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAMU Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya? GIRL Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CIRCUIT Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please. MUNNABHAI Kyun tera dost chor hai kya? CIRCUIT Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAMU Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao. MUNNA BHAI Tamil kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai? MAMU Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PROFESSOR Akal badi ki bhais? MUNNA BHAI Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MUNNA BHAI Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai? CIRCUIT Bhai, gaadi hai. MUNNA BHAI Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai? CIRCUIT Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CIRCUIT Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya? MAMU Nehin. CIRCUIT To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MUNNA BHAI Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha. MAMU Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya? MUNNA BHAI Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MUNNA BHAI Mamu, tu kitna pada hai? MAMU B.A. MUNNA BHAI Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAMU Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai. MAMU KA DOST Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CIRCUIT Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai? SHORT CIRCUIT Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~