My Poor Son I feel so bad and i dont know what to do for him!!!!

I know you ache for your son. But you can't make his father into a parent. The most you can do is to keep reminding your son that adults make their own choices and that children are never responsible for their parents' choices. But most of all, allow him to talk it out and write it out and be angry. His feelings are real and natural. Let him know that feeling angry is o.k. even if some angry behaviors are NOT o.k. His age is a rocky one even without all his current issues. And believe it or not, you will both grow through it. I used to agnonize over my children's feelings about their father after he left us. But there really is nothing we can do to change the situation except to be there for them and affirm them as good and loved by you. I hope things improve soon, but don't be surprised if they don't. It is a long journey into adulthood and your son is just beginning.

I feel so sorry for your son. I think it may be best to just let your son handle matters. He knows what he is feeling and in due time he will tell his father. Maybe they will be able to have a relationship at a later time. Sounds like it is just not the right time for son right now. Good luck to you.

i understand what you felt..but i think its better if you have a long talk with his father about it the grievances of his son likewise to your son also and let your son know about it ..i mean about his dad's wife/girlfriend not allowing his dad to meet him..i think communication is the best solutions of this kind of problem...

That is really sad- A dad that hasn’t had much contact with his son or daughter in 6 years- He should be ashamed of himself- I think you should make it clear to your son that it is not your son’s fault- NO WAY--- no how- Tell him that his father is an adult and should make an attempt at seeing his kids- He is a deadbeat dad- Why is he now trying to contact your son? I feel for you- Hopefully your son can forgive him- if he starts to act like a dad again- and they can mend their relationship- I would be certain to tell him that you love him always- no matter what he chooses.

Its a normal feeling of resentment that your child is feeling towads the father. At least even in the least form of communication he was able to expres how he felt about his father. We cant point fingers but of course its nice to have a father and a mother as the child grows up.This could affect the child as he grows up with out the father and having this hate or resentment towards him. You as the mother could explain the things that the child may not understand and you should be able to let him understand that things are not like what he sees outside with those families happily living together. its easier said than done but its life and you should try to make you son feel good about what you both have, you have each other and you should work to make it a good and healthy relationship with your son.

I have gone through almost the same thing. I have a 17yr old son who was born when I was 16. His father was very physically abusive and I ended up leaving him. Not long after that break up, I met my currant husband, who treated my son like his own from the very beginning. We raised my son thinking that my husband was his father. When my son was 11, we told him the truth. (Thank God he took it extremely well) However, the next step was arranging to "meet" his real fathers family. His grandmother adores him and treats him like a king. BUT, my son's father, has since re-married and now has 2 little girls. His wife wants absolutely NOTHING to do with my son, even though she's never met him. She has also made it very clear that she does not want my ex to have anything to do with him either, my son is his ONLY son. So...for a while, my son had a few visits with his father, but these visits were always kept secret from his wife. She found out and told him and his whole family that if she ever found out that my ex had one more visit with my son, she was taking their daughters, leaving him and him and his family would never see the girls again. My son seems to be taking this well, but I have the feeling he is hurt by the fact that his father will not stand up for his right to see his son. My advice? Sit down with your son, and explain to him that you understand his pain, and that it is NOT his fault at all. Also, I would try to contact the girlfriend and ask her if she could please just discuss this situation with you and ask her if you guys can come to some kind of arrangement. Let her know that visits between your son and his father can be arranged without you even being there. If that's what she's worried about. Make sure she understands that you have no problem with her, and if there was any fighting between you and her in the past, just apologize and tell her you want to start fresh, even if you don't think you have any reason to say you're sorry. If taking away your son's pain, and getting his father to see him means swallowing your own pride...then it is worth it. Does your ex have parents? Brothers or sisters? Any other family member's who would be interested in seeing your son....that would definitely help the situation. Good luck and I really hope things work out for you and your boy.

Sweetie all you can do is be there for him and let him talk about it answer his Questions as good as you can, it is up to his Dad to sort things out at his End and I am sorry if he really loved his Kids he would not let anyone stop him from seeing his Kids and that is my Attitude Your Son will hurt but you just need to give him lots of love and support and be there you can not do anything else at all It is hard I know it is believe me but you will get through it with your Son

Kids grow up a lot faster these days and they are aware of what is going on. I believe that you should be honest with him about everything. But, first assure him that none of this is his fault. It is a terrible thing when children blame themselves for things that could not possibly be their fault. Let him know that his father loves him and why his father has chosen to stay away. I know that after a break up it is tempting to make the spouse that left, the bad guy, and he very well may be, but it is important to do what is best for the child. If I were you, I would put him in counseling. I would also encourage him to express his anger and get it out in a constructive and positive way.

i know your heart goes out to him and to be honest there is a few things you can do but it is really going to be up to the dad and to your son. i had a dad once that was great. i was the apple of his eye. then one day a woman came into his life they got married and well she got pregant and basically gave my dad a choice. you see when him and my mom split up my mom kept me from him for many years. i was 5 years old before i got to see him but we became cloe very fast. then when i was about 10 is when he met this new one. i was still only able to see him at that time when my mom was on one of her drinking and partying weeks and my grandparents sneeked me there. so my dad choose to let me go. he knew my grandparents would make sure i was ok and he knew he couldnt go through losing another child the way he lost me. well i didnt understnd that as i grew up i thought i was a bad kid. i thought i was stupid, ugly, and so many more things. i was always wondering what did i do to him. it took till i was about 21 to find out the whole thing and for me to believe it. i had kids and i wanted then to have a grandpa so i got ahold of him and thigns were great for a bout 2 years then she told him basically she didnt like it. my sisters and brothers were still in school and young teens so once again he let me and my kids go. it took that and everything else to make me see it wasnt me. it was him. i was mad , upset, and ready to hate him forever but as i got to reach my late 20s i relized he gave away me to have what he could not of had with me. i forgave him but still we dont speak. i dont want to give him more pain so i stay away. he wishes i would come back but i know what will happen and i will not let my kids be a part of that. my kids were young and still dont understand what happened to there grandpa van. so as you can see i have been in both spots you are now. the best thing you can do is talk to your son he is old enough for hard truths and in the end it will be better for him. you dont have to be very blunt but in a sweet way try and let him know. first though i would speak with the father and tell him what is going on and tell him to stop ripping his childs heart the way he is. make the chioce. be a man and stand up before the two of them have kids and he loses all control or step aside and slip down under the table. depending on what he choses will depend on what should be done. i would suggest getting your son someone to talk to that he has alone and not you or anyone else speaks with them. a friend, teacher, consulor, etc. it helps when a child has someone of all there own that is not a family member to talk with. they feel freer to express there true thoughts. the best thing you can do though is let him know he is loved, wanted, and a gret son. keep the doors open between you for good talking as well. if he feels like yelling, punching or whatever else let him. dont let him walk all over you but if he wants to hit something get him a punching bag lol. if he wants to scream hand him a pillow. dont let your guard down though and try to make excuses for things he will do because his dad is a butt to put it mildly lol. alot of parents do that trying to make up for what the other has done. good luck

You are right; your son is very angry and he needs to find a way to vent his frustration in a healthy way before he does damage to himself. He is old enough that you can be truthful with him. Keep reassuring him that he is not the problem, but rather that his father has a problem with his own priorities and that is why you are no longer married to him. Also, reassure him that he is not obligated to talk to his dad and he can pick and choose if and when he wants to communicate with him. The more power he feels he has over the situation, the less angry he will be.

I have not expirence in this susiation so you do not have to listen to me. The only thing I can tell you is love him and tell him everyday that you love him. Tell him he is the one of the most important people in your life. Be honest to a point with him and let him know that even if his father has not seen him, his father still might love him. I know that is no consulation. Encourage the father to come alone to see his son and daughter if he loves them so much. If the father really loves his kids then he will endure this abuse he gets from his son and be a man a take it.

oh dear, i don't know how you can explain this to your son without demonising the 'other women' and making it seem like it's entirely her fault. which it may or may not be. i suppose he will have a harder time growing up and accepting this situation in his family. i think he will come to terms with it eventually and realise that it's not his fault. it's just harder when he's a pre-teen and teen. hopefully by the time he's in his twenties he will see the situation for what it was.

Poor kid. Talk once to your ex husband to come over and help. I think when his dad tell your son he will surely understand that the problem is not him. Give your kid all the love. I love children. I am always worried for their well being and happiness. take care of your kid and do what it needs to make him happy. God bless