Any Suggestions to help a Husband stand up to His Mother ?

Oh boy, I sure don't envy you! I had a little trouble with that with my husband when we met, but it wasn't his mom, it was his children. Rather than fight and argue with him over and over, I let him fall flat on his face a few times, and yes, some of those times were expensive lessons to learn. After that, I would quietly discuss things with him and learned that as long as I was around, he didn't get pushed into this guilt thing by his kids. If your husband is in agreement with you that he can't say no to mom, maybe you should have an agreement that he shouldn't go to mothers by himself when there is a major issue on the table. I know it sounds lame, but mama's gotta let go!

crazyhorse, what the hell is wrong with you? So what if you pay your own bills? You think that is such a great accomplishment that you need to be condescending and ignorant towards people whom you don't deem to be as together as you? And what is do you mean "some immagrant runs into you"? You assume all immigrants don't have insurance? Or all you all high and mighty compared to them, too? Only people who have mental problems go around casting such harsh judgement on someone who is just reaching out for sympathy and a little advice. I suggest you change your name to "high horse".

Well he needs to learn to stand up to and tell her that he is able to make his own choices, Ok she co signed but she did not buy the Car you are the ones paying for it so it is your Choice what car you wanted Is he scared of his Mum or does he just not want to hurt her?

Sorry to hear that your having problems with your mil. I agree, your husband should have considered your thoughts. Your husband isn't the only one that will be driving the car around. You need to look at 1. Can you afford the payments, 2. How is it good on gas.3. Will it fit your entire family comfortably, 4. Storage, will you be able to put your groceries, strollers, and other things. Those are most important things when looking for a car. You also need to tell her, you can tell her in a nice, sweet manner about it where it doesn't come off as your being the big bad daughter in law. Also, what car did your husband and mother in law pick out for your family? Plus I like to say from the bottom of my heart, I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. Also sorry that you had to deal with a cruel person, that should of have left that out of the discussion and faced the problem at hand.

My, when mothers have that hold over their sons it can be impossible to break. I know, I had it for years until she stepped over the mark and they didn't speak for years. Sadly it is something your husband has to do, which may take some time. Try to tell him that big decisions like this have to be decided as a couple and not with his mother. Be truthful with him and try and get him to see what she is doing is causing anguish with you. Good luck i hope he can come to his senses;)

36 yrs old is not a baby any more, he should leave mama alone and manager his own family together with his wife. You need to wake him up, is time to be a man not relaying on his mother for any thing.

I think she should have ask your opinion too. She co-signed him and that may be the reason your husband just went ahead with her decision. Just forget about it. That is the best thing you can do because its not the mother to be blamed but your husband should have atleast called you and informed about the whole thing. He did not find it necessary. Anywayz just forgive and forget. That is what keeps a relationship. Take care

If he can't tell her no, then maybe you should go along whenever a decision like this needs to be made. This way he wouldn't have to face her alone to make the decision. Aside from that, I don't know if you will ever get him to stand up to her.

Me and my wife used to argue over this kind of stuff. There was a time when I thought that i would hurt my mothers feeling if I told her to back off when she tend to over step her boundaries. She meant well and we both appreciate the fact that she trying to help out, but there are certain things that the wife want that is totally different with what my mother had in mind. So I decided to pray and had a heart to heart talk with my mother alone. And to my surprise she does understand everything I told her. She was a wife herself and had to deal with the mother-in-law in her own married life once upon a time. I think the reason why husbands like me are hesitant to tell mom to back off is because we don't want to hurt mom's feelings. But a son does not have to fear his own mother. A mother would understand. Just give it a try. Just be gentle when talking with her and be respectful. After we had a talk (my mom and me) I invited mom and my wife so we could have a try way discussion. My mom listen to my wife and my wife listen to my mom. Now they both reach an agreement that if mom is over stepping her boundaries my wife could quickly point it out to her, and its ok with mom. Mom told my wife that she tends to be pushy sometimes but she (my wife) does not have to agree with her if she don't want to. To husbands, don't be afraid to have a talk with your mother. Believe me she would understand. Now I've learn to really listen to my wife not just hearing what she had to say. There are certain thing that husband and wife should decide for themselves. And let your wife do her own thing. This is the common complaint of most wives is that she can't do her own thing in her own house or family.

Your husband doesn't seem to have a problem with the relationship. However, if it bothers you, you have to do one of two things; tell him that his mother has to learn to respect your boundaries or tell her yourself. Other than that I don't know what to say. It's really his job to stand up to his mother and if he won't do it, then you might be stuck with an overly controlling mother-in-law.

Been married for 17 years and I still haven't figured that one out. Good luck. Some men are just momma's boys for their entire lives. I have a son now, and although I have a better undertanding of a mother/son relationship than I once did, I hope to God that when the time comes, and I become a mother in law, that I will give my son and his wife the respect and space that they need. As well as the support to have a happy marriage, without intruding on their lives and overstepping my boundaries. When person want's to help someone, they need to find out what that person would consider to be "helpful" not use that postion of helping as an excuse to control their lives.

Oh dear...it sounds like you're in a similiar situation as I am. My mother in law is crazy. She has this magic spell on most of her kids. Two of them have actually "broken" it and moved away. Her only daughter moved a few states away and the mother was like "she disowned the family. she betrayed us...she doesn't love us blah, blah, blah." His parents basically black mailed us to get us to stay in her home state instead of moving. So she "won" and we didn't move. Because she dreams of having all her children and grandchildren at one big dining room table at the holidays. Even little holidays like labor day we're required to attend her stupid gatherhings. I'm so tired of it. If we don't go over there at least once a week "we hate her." Ugh! Even today my inlaws want to go to IKEA and I've already told them twice that my son and I don't want to go. But they keep calling and telling me they're going to come pick me up and we're all going to go. I said no so we'll see what happens when they get here. Should be interesting, haha! I shouldn't be forced to do what I don't want to do because they want to spend time with their grandchild whom they've already spent the last two days with! Grr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, he is still young enough to be presuaded by a mother that "means well:() but in the long run who is going to suffer? we know..you! and then Him..but never HER..lol..so educate your husband with a kind and loving fashing that you know the effect his mother is having on him..MOMMA's BOY? but for him to take you into consideration for any future dealing with buying anything or liveing conditions that concern the both of YOU..i was lucky never to have parents or in laws like this..if the mother in law was spending her money on your toys and transportation..well, then its another story..but she is trying to help..in her own fashion..give her that..but you need to remind him who he is going to be sleeping with the next 100 years..lol..you can do it..it will just take tlc and determination..but you have a good heart and a strong will..

At 36, I don't see you changing him. I think it would take her interfering in his life to the point that it really bothered him for him to stand up to her. I can't imagine what that would be if he was willing to get a car, sight unseen and no test drive. What would bother me here is that it sounds as if he is listening to mom over and above you. Your input should matter more to him than hers, i think. For me anyway, that would be the problem.