My kids will not clean their room,
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
United States
July 25, 2007 11:20pm CST
so just a bit ago I got done cleaning it for them. I have been trying to get them to clean it for 4 days now. Usually they will at least straighten it up a bit. All of their toys are going to go to my husband's workplace, because he can store them their. They also keep telling me that they've hung up their clothes, or put them in their dresser. I found a heaping pile of clothes on their closet floor. I'm not sure they are dirty or clean or a mix of both, so they all have to be washed again.
I am getting tired of washing and washing their clothes, just to have to wash them again because instead of putting them away, they've thrown them on a heap on the floor. I told them that since they don't have toys, they will spend tomorrow hand-washing their clothes in the bathtub for something to do.
Please keep in mind, that just the 2 boys were part of this. They are almost 9 and 5. The baby was not a part of it, she has her own room.
Was I too harsh? Am I expecting too much of them? I gave them fair warning this afternoon, when I told them they needed to clean their room. I told them that if they didn't get it picked up, they would lose their toys until they could earn them back. We will set specific goals for them to be able to get their toys back.
What do you all do to get your kids to show a bit of responsibility?
6 people like this
15 responses
@amaleigh73 (499)
• United States
26 Jul 07
I don't think you were too harsh at all...actually, I think you were too easy on them. And at their ages, you are not expecting too much of them, especially the 9 year old. My children are 7 & 4 and are responsible for cleaning their rooms...are they are capable of doing it. If they want to go somewhere or go outside and their rooms are a mess, they have to clean it up before they get to do what they want. They have to put their toys away every night before they go to bed. If you make them keep after it, it won't seem like such a huge task. Now would be an excellent time to start because you just cleaned everything for them. As far as the laundry goes, I haven't run in to that with my children so I don't have any advice on that. You could try making clean up time like a game. Put on their favorite song and challenge them to have things cleaned up before the song ends, give them an incentive or reward if they get it done in time. Good luck!
4 people like this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
My children have the same rule. Their room needs to be cleaned up every evening. But occasionally, we are not home in the evening, and they miss picking it up. Then it starts to get messy. They will usually do an okay job of picking it up, but over time it ends up turning into a pigsty.
@ang_2906 (76)
•
26 Jul 07
I have done and said all of what you mentioned with my daughter. She never hangs her clothes up properly and I end up washing things when I know it was in her pile of clean washing the day before and couldn't possibly have worn it. I have used the tactic of her washing the clothes herself and this does work for me in the short term but I have to put them through the machine as well to make sure they get washed properly.
She never has order in her room with toys etc. My partner goes in there and removes items that are on the floor and hides them to see if she will miss them. usually its jewellery. We hear her moaning to her friends when she's going to a disco etc that she has no nice jewellery, but she woud have if she remembered where she'd put it in her room!
I have given up sorting her room out as I never know where to start, and it makes me cross in the process. It doesn't stay clean for very long anyway.
I certainly don't think your too harsh by making your kids do all of those chores. I will continue to try new tactics until I find one that works, or she eventually listens or her room is bare because I've taken it all away.
We all will no doubt continue to buy our kids more and more toys and clothes on christmas and birthdays etc only to get cross when we see them on the floor a couple of days later.
4 people like this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I am washing their clothes in the washer right now. They are asleep, so they don't know that I'm doing it. They worked very hard today hand-washing all of their clothes, and then laying them outside to dry. The even picked up their messes, so they could start earning a toy back.
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
26 Jul 07
No you're not expecting too much, especially of the 9 year old!! I would make them wash their clothes too! This worked even better when I got older and had to have a CERTAIN TOP to wear that day or I'd just DIE, so my mom was like "well, put your dirty clothes where they belong or wash them yourself. That's the only way you're getting your clothes when you want them"
As far as taking the toys away until they can earn them back, good job! That's perfect!! Kids should learn to work for things, even if it's something as small as working to earn their own posessions back. Use their toys as a bartering system. One toy goes for every chore not done.
3 people like this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Thanks for the kind words. My boys could care less what they wear right now. If they don't have something clean, they will wear something that doesn't fit, or something that doesn't go with the season. They are too funny.
When I was old enough to learn how to use the washer and dryer at home, my mom made me do my own clothes. She taught me a lot of life lessons. I don't agree with how she taught most of them, but I'm a better person for it. I just want my children to be able to take care of themselves when they get older.
@smartmom (826)
• United States
26 Jul 07
I think you have done the right thing here, if the usual stuff do not work, you have to change your tactic just as you have.
I had some problems with my four year old a while back, and I did just like you. I cleaned out his room, so that it was completely empty for toys. I left his books there though, and funny enough the books became very cherished.
My son had to earn his toys back as well. Every 1 hour that he behaved well and did not give trouble, he would earn a toy back. This tactic sure did wonders, and another bonus was that he started appreciating all his toys much more.
It took my sons a couple of weeks to earn all his toys back, and if he did not clean his room in the evening, the toys that were no cleaned would disappear again.
Now, my son is actually very good at cleaning, he is turning five in a month and he earns 15 cents per night that he cleans up his room, and then he gets paid on Saturdays.
My son also gets a few cents for doing other chores like helping water our vegetables, taking in the clothes from the drying line etc.
Good luck on your clean up kids mission. Keep strong, and remember not to give in. The success rate always improves with consistency.
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
We have tried the same system with our boys. They are supposed to get a quarter every time they clean their room and the living room, because they mess both up every day. I find that most of the time they don't earn anything. What do you do when your child throws a fit, or you have to fight with him to do what he's supposed to do? Do you still give him the allowance?
My older son had been diagnosed with ADHD, and we're next to positive the the younger boy has it as well, although he isn't old enough to get an accurate diagnosis yet. Getting them to do anything is a challenge. They have so much energy, but no focus.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Jul 07
Not too harsh at all. Kids need to learn responsibilty and the best way to teach them anything is by showing them consequences. What you are doing is called good parenting.
Now you have to stick with it and don't give them their stuff back too quickly.
I have done that with all my girls. Recently my daughter came across her old skateboard in her grandmothers barn. I had taken it away from her for not putting it away once too often. Apparently we had both forgotten it!
If children don't learn to be accountable now while they are young...they won't have a clue when they are older.
Good job, mom!!
1 person likes this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I agree with you. My aunt was the baby of her family. She is 14 years younger than the next older sister. She was babied like you wouldn't believe. She never had to be responsible for anything. My grandma would do everything for her. She is now 30 years old, and is barely scraping by. She has no idea how to take care of her money, her house, or her children. I don't want this to happen to my babies.
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
harsh? dont think so..your just doing a good parenting to them in order fro them to grow up as a responsible being..it might be too late to straighten them up if you try to teach them once the are old enough to do so..mind you that i have a brother like your sons..he is now 25 years old and so irresponsible he even cant manage his own mess at home..he is living with me on my house..my living room is where he made his room and many times he just sleep all day and stay up all night because he was talking to his gf in denmark..he eats on his bed and he just placed his platesand used glasses under the bed no wonder lots of ants are over powering my house..he wont wash his clothes and so when i do my laundry i tend to wash his also and guess what? he ant even fold his own clothes and he lets the rain wet it again..i was blaming myparents for raising him irresponsile specially my dad..when we are young he dont want us helping on the chores..he just let mom do everything and even get mad at mom when he saw me helping on the laundry..na dno what? look what kind of a person does he just made..an irresponsible..like disabled person..like he is just waiting for me to chew up the food and let him swallow it..ugh! teach your children till you can..your just doing fine..
4 people like this
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
26 Jul 07
My dad was just the opposite growing up. He didn't like us sitting down at anytime while he was home, unless we were doing homework, and a lot of the time, he would say we were taking too long on our homework so he'd make us stop and go do chores. He was a "50's dad" per se, because he though the food should be cooked and house should be cleaned when he got home, the wife and kids were to continue beautifying the house while he watched tv. It drove me bonkers. I never got to watch anything I wanted on tv because he hated sitcoms and all we watched were stupid shows that he wanted to watch. I was always mad at him as a kid. Now I am responsible and clean up my messes (most of the time, hehe), but I won't ever make my kids work non stop like he did. They will have their chores, but when they finish them, they'll be DONE. I won't pile more on them to "keep em busy". He hated seeing us sitting down and not doing anything.
3 people like this
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
3 Aug 07
I think you done the right thing with them. I have been trying to find something to work with my girls and nothing seems to help. My 16 yeear old refuses to put clothes away and now the 10 year old is getting bad about putting things away. I have taken stuff away from them and that never seems to work. I have grounded them and it doesn't help. They were good about it early in life.
I may try making them do it every day before they can go outside and see if that will help.
@bonico (4)
• United States
26 Jul 07
I think what you're doing is fine, it introduces them to the responsiblity that they'll have to take up when they get older. At ages 9 & 5, they should be listening to everything you tell them to do. Take away T.V. privileges or anything else until they learn to listen to you.
1 person likes this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
My husband and I do this. It seems almost unfair though, as they usually end up with a lot of nothing!! They are hardly phased by having something taken away from them. It's crazy.
@KatieS (503)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Good Job Mom! I'm really proud of you for giving them responsibilities at their age, so many parents don't ever. My dad got me up on Saturday mornings when I was a kid and got me on a list of chores, that was the only way I got any spending money for myself. My house is and has always been picked up and pretty clean my whole adult life. If my son didn't clean his room when told, I cleaned it and took stuff away from him. He is a clean adult now too. You don't want to walk into your kid's homes when they get older and see a nasty house, believe me, so you are giving them a good message now. Pat yourself on the back for me:-)
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I too had chores when I was younger and my room needed to get cleaned before we were given our allowance. I know what work ethic is. I want my children to understand the value of a dollar. Most people have to work very hard to get enough money to take care of themselves and their family. I don't want them to take things for granted.
@ethel52776 (146)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
I have the same problem with you. Though I only have one daughter, but my God, she is such a mess! Her toys were all over the house. What makes me mad is that we only have a small house and i want it to be clean all the time because I don't want for others to think that we have just a small house and yet I can;t make it neat! My daughter is only two years old and I've been telling her to return her toys where they should be after she played with it. I am not sure if she is too young to understand or too young for her to obey me, but when will be the right time for her to learn? I don't think we parents are being too harsh if be obliged them to clean or at least maintain the house clean. It is still for their own good.
1 person likes this
@hermitcrabheaven (645)
• United States
27 Jul 07
My house isn't that large either. It's new, but it is very messy!! My children can tear my house apart every single day. Then they will say, "mom, this house sure is messy." I'm like, yeah, cause you messed it up!! I try and try to keep up after it, but it seems as if they are always 5 steps ahead of me, making the mess, then 1 step behind me to undo all of my hard work.
@xuguangwei20006 (3)
• China
27 Jul 07
I am a child in my mother"s eyes,though I have already been 20 years old.I also don"t like to clean my room before,but now I live in school,so I have to clean my room.So if you want to you kids to clean the room,leave them alone.Don"t take care of them.
1 person likes this
@marcialoyd (1173)
• United States
10 Aug 07
I don't think you are being to harsh at all. Kids have to learn some day. You have to prepare them for "life" in this big bad world. We have all went through it as kids though. lol. I remember when I was a kid and my mom told me to clean my room everything went straight to the closet floor Clothes Toys Games etc. and then I would close the door and say I CLEANED MY ROOM! and then God forbid someone open that closet door!
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
27 Jul 07
In our families, kids below ten are not asked to clean the room, except that they should keep their play stuff in order after its use. It is above ten boy or a girl, will be taught to clean not only their own room, but also other places in the house, or atleast assist their mother. If this is agreed upon, they definitely do it. When they are involved in the work, generally we donot see much litter or garbage inside.
