Is it wrong to judge a family member?
By ang_2906
@ang_2906 (76)
July 26, 2007 5:35am CST
My brother and his partner have always had a good relationship or so I thought. This week however they have hit quite serious money problems that almost led them to losing their home. My brother managed to sort things out at the last minute but he swears he didn't know anything about the problems.
Rightly or wrongly he probably should have been more involved in the family finances, however he wasn't and it's done. His partner swears she didn't recieve any letters stating that they were in financial trouble etc, however I can tell my brother doesn't believe her though I haven't had this confirmed.
She recently lost her mum, and her dad passed away ten years ago. When her dad passed away she went off the rails slightly with building up a bit of debt that my brother helped her out with when he eventually found out about it.
This time round however there are two kids involved. I personally think it's likely that she did know about the problems and perhaps even caused them herself but I haven't said anything to anyone about this and probably wont as I value my relationship with my niece and nephew too much.
I feel bad for what my brother is going through, but should I say anything to him about my suspisions or at the very least speak to him about it in case he needs someone to talk to about it. I don't want to embarrass him any more than he probably is already.
Any advice would be gratefully recieved.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
26 Jul 07
I know how we feel about the happiness or sadness of those close to us and I can see clearly that your brother's woes for now, are truely bothering you! I guess he would feel the same if you were in the same uncomfortable family situation with your spouse! My advise is that when lawyers go into the bussiness of passing judgement, they will have gathered what they call prima-facie evidence to pass judgement, especially the guilty or not guilty veridict! Most of these could be wide ranging, some are even forensic evidence! That is why, when it comes to passing judgement of whatever kind, without tangible evidence, i would be very affraid to move! Look at it this way, your brother knows very little or even a lot about the genesis of this problem-he is staying clear of pin pointing at his wife for being the generator-instead he believes, keeping quiet and fixing the problem is cheaper in terms of family peace than trying to diagonise the roots of the problem and tear apart the home! My advise is let the sleeping dogs lie! Dont judge any body if you are not armed with evidence! To me what you hae is probably circumstantial evidence, let your brother deal with this problem his own style! Support him, the two kids between would grow well to see their parents together and seemingly happy!
@babostwick (2036)
• United States
26 Jul 07
This is a very tough situation. What I think would be to find out if there are actual problems in the family. When it comes to money issues, the only way to best understand it is actually be in it. It's like you'd have to walk in there shoes to best understand anything.
I think just speaking to him about it could work out so that way a solution could be figured out. I think that's about all I can possibly think of as far as what to do.
@vonn1378 (706)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
Same as the saying goes don't judge the book by its cover because most of the time it turned out to be not. In your brother's family case I think don't give a word to your brother about your suspicions. In the first place you don't have evidence. It will just add burden to your brother. Let them solve it alone and if ever your sister in-law was lying let her deal with her guilt. Let the time do the talking and just ask our Creator to help your brother and his family. It will sure helps than adding burden to your brother's mind.
@rinkub (231)
• India
27 Jul 07
This is something we all need to learn. Why do we desist from judging family members especially if they are from the same bloodline? Are we scared of hurting them or plain simple scared of jeopardising family relations? In either case we must be objective. Agreed, it isn't good to be judgemental, but then why are we considering ticking them off as passing a judgement? If something is said which might improve family relations or family situations and if we feel that a particular member is responsible in having disturbed it, I think it is imperitive to let that person know that what he/she is doing is not correct. It is not passing a judgement but being fair especially if others are affected adversely.
What do you all think?
@rinkub (231)
• India
27 Jul 07
This is something we all need to learn. Why do we desist from judging family members especially if they are from the same bloodline? Are we scared of hurting them or plain simple scared of jeopardising family relations? In either case we must be objective. Agreed, it isn't good to be judgemental, but then why are we considering ticking them off as passing a judgement? If something is said which might improve family relations or family situations and if we feel that a particular member is responsible in having disturbed it, I think it is imperitive to let that person know that what he/she is doing is not correct. It is not passing a judgement but being fair especially if others are affected adversely.
What do you all think?
@miketomeo (124)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I come from a family that doesn't argue (I know a rare one!) However, we can't help judging eachother by nature. Patience is important.
@ayseteyze (214)
• Turkey
26 Jul 07
if i were to reply this discussion according to the ethical way, i would say what is best is to tell him that he should talk to his partner about it and he should start to be careful about this relationship. but i won't!!! becuase he is your brother for god's sake! do anything to open his eyes! sometimes people can be so involved in a situation that they lose their personal perspectives. i don't know if this is the case with them but if so, you can be sure that he will thank you for this.
