Starting new relationships...why is it so hard to do?
By ctrymuziklvr
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
United States
July 26, 2007 9:49pm CST
I'm 60 years old and just starting a new relationship. I hate it! So far my track record sux....5 year relationship that ended badly...his fault...lol...recently a month long relationship, if it can be called that, where everything he told me ended up being a lie. I wasn't really attracted to him anyway so I felt no loss. Not too good huh?
So, I met a guy online 2 weeks ago. We emailed a few times telling each other about ourselves and he sounded interesting to me. We have a lot in common. He sounded very interesting to me so we made plans to meet at a nearby coffee shop. He's not the type I'm usually attracted to but at this point I'm not going to be choosy. After coffee and conversation we had lunch at a restaurant close by and laughed and talked and had a great time. He called me later that night and wanted to see me two days later. Great I thought. We went out and I invited him back to my apartment for coffee and we talked for hours. It seems we actually graduated from HS together. Small world. I actually found him in my year book the next day.
We've been out a number of times and making plans for a concert next month and everything seems too good to be true but I feel like I'm holding back. I don't even know why. He calls me honey and emails me sweet dreams at night. What more could I want from him???? Every time I see him he actually looks better to me...lol...I must be getting used to him.
Why is it so hard starting a new relationship? Do I think about it or just let it just happen? It's not easy at this age is it?
2 people like this
20 responses
@raychill (6525)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Starting a new relationship isn't easy at any age.
I think the best thing to do in any relationship is just to let it happen. Thinking about it leads to overanalyzing. Over analyzing leads to trying to hard. Trying to hard leads to.... and so on and so forth. I've always felt relationships should be a natural thing. granted it's not like I've got a huge track record of success in that field but ... that's just how I feel it should be. I think it should just happen naturally.
2 people like this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Overanalyzing is what I do best! lol....I do it to everything in my life. I always need to know the why's and how comes of everything.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I'm never going to give up! lol....I've been married two times and alone for more years than I like to think of. I'm not the type of person to be alone and need a soulmate to feel whole. I know it's not right but it's the way I am. I need to feel the closeness of someone I care about. No, I will never give up.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I hear ya! My 40 year old daughter is dating for the first time since she was 16 and hates it!
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I think starting a new relationship is never easy, ctry, but I sense that your heart is not really into this guy for some reason. It could be that you are not entirely over your old relationship... We are about the same age(and probably very different), but I wouldn't settle for a half-way relationship even now. I think you deserve someone who will still make the heart sing and set off all the fireworks at any age. I still have not gotten over my ex who I was with for 20 years, and I know he hasn't gotten over me. No other man makes me feel the way he does. I find it impossible to give up on him and hope he will get a handle on his problems. As for you, take it slow. Don't be in such a hurry, ok?
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I've resigned myself to the fact that it will be a very long time before I get over my ex but until then I'm going to look for someone who can help me and I think this guy could be it. It's been almost a month now and things are just getting better.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
It's called the getting-to-know stage once again.
I feel what you meant by 'starting new relationships is hard to do'.
I also felt that way when I broke up with my 5-year 'soulmate'. After all those time, I became too tired of getting to know people, I want to jump in the 'we already know each other' stage and not wanting anymore to try to know him better because maybe I'd end up with a creep once again.
It's difficult because we have sets of 'experiences' that would somehow spoil the getting-to-know stage. I used to tell my partner (when we were still at the courtship stage) that if ever he's a real creep, better leave me because I'm tired of that sh*t! *LOL*
He would laugh at my directness, I didn't want fuzz anymore, I felt I was too old for the cute stuff, too old to feel happy about flowers and chocolates.
Don't worry, that phase would soon disappear. Just take it slow, don't expect nor assume too much. And stop thinking of the 'end' rather think of the 'now'.
Maybe our past was just too traumatizing that's why we have a hard time starting new relationships. But as they all say, it's now how many times that you fall that is counted, it's how many times you rise up!
Good luck!
=)
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Good point but I feel like I'm always the one rising up and still end up falling down...lol....I'm going to take it slow and not assume or expect anything. That's the only way I won't get hurt again.
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
Starting a new relationship is always hard especially if you've been through a lot of pain from your previous ones. All i know is that there's no age limit when it comes to love, no age bracket.
If you're still holding back, it's normal. You guys are still getting to know each other. When we become older our standards and views on love and relationship changes. If you are enjoying his company and having a good laugh with him, then just let it be..let time and fate do all the work. Anything is possible when it comes to love. Who knows maybe one day you'll be calling him honey too..or maybe not..hehehehe. It's still too early to tell, don't rush things, everything happens for a reason. Have fun and enjoy life.
If you're scared to get involve again because of your past relationships, always remember that a relationship is a two way street. It's never all your fault or the other person
You go into the relationship together and work through it all together.
The best way to love it to love like you have never been hurt.
Good luck. I'm happy for you.
:D
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
lol...so many song phrases that are so true! I have to try to feel like I've never been hurt before so I can try to get into this. I'm not giving up on myself ever. I'm going to put all I can into this relationship since it seems like he is.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
27 Jul 07
yes I think as you get older it does get harder, sometimes I think once you get to a certain age it is easy to accept your own space and it is more like peace you seek rather than excitement, and sometimes with experience behind you makes it easy to think is getting involved really worth all the hassles, its a big step I think.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
They say I'm different than most 60 year olds. I'm a 25 year old in a 60 year old body! I still crave the excitement that comes with a relationship. The peace and space I can have anytime. I still want someone to do things with and be with when I can.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
27 Jul 07
I think all people feel like this, ESPECIALLY if you have been hurt. when my ex dumoed me i was so destoyed that I did not go into a relation for years and when I finally did it took time for me to let my guard down.. now that I have and trust him completely he leaves me, although he loves me =( so here I am . all hurt again and it will definately take a looooong time before i even think of getting involved again.
When it comes to this guy you are dating. it is possible that u get more attracted to him because of the way he is - the way he treats you. I say go for it as long as it feels right,
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
So true. It seems he becomes more attractive to me every time I see him and that's because of the way he is and not the way he looks. That means a lot to me at this stage of my life.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Hi Crty! If you both are enjoying each others company, then why not keep on enjoying it.. let it take its course and don't think that because he calls you honey that you need to either. If there are no strings attached, then I would keep dating him. It's not easy having to start over again, so I would just be the person you are and if you are holding back, then that is ok too. I probably would because of what you have been through lately with previous men in your life.
I don't think its easy at any age and it's probably more harder the older you get. If you're happy and content with where it is now and how its going, then enjoy it :)
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Lol...so far I haven't been able to call him honey or any endearments. I know when it feels right I will be able to. Right now I am happy and content and I'm going to let it just take it's course.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
In this case it's natural because you just met him online recently. You've got a long way to go before you'll really get to know this guy. So give it a shot but also keep in mind that you need more time to know each other better.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I am definitely giving it a shot. I realize we have a long way to go and I'm hoping it's together....lol
@kayrod2 (1304)
• Australia
27 Jul 07
I think you are being very sensible, and being cautious. It is best to take things slowly and get to know someone than rush in and get hurt again. But he does sound like a wonderful person.I hope things work out for you, it sounds like you deserve it.
Best wishes to you
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I'm learning to take things very slowly and be very cautious, in fact my mother says I'm too cautious and don't give anyone a chance. With the last guy I immediately had the feeling that it wasn't going to work out and it didn't. With this guy I have much better feelings.
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
Yeah, its hard because people around you may judge your lover or your man that he only want your money not your love.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing by too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take so many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you're never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
"Dont be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Thanks for all of those song lyrics and sayings. Of course they are always right aren't they? My heart has been broken so many times I'm surprised I have any left. As for wanting me for my money the guy has a problem because I haven't got any! lol....he seems pretty secure financially, not rich but he can take care of himself so that's one thing I don't have to worry about.
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
27 Jul 07
hm, i wonder i am just 23 and it really is not easy to begin with another relationship befire i met my partner.thought all guys are all the same, maybe because my father left us and i suffered much..i had different types of boyfriend like i am experimenting which one is effective but i end up loosing..now i wonder if i reach your age and if i'm all alone and would i want another relationship or let it pass by..maybe your just thinking much or rather would i say assuming things that could probably happen..sometimes the feeling of like you have known him for so long and the feeling of liking him too much you want him is not good either..when i feel like his perfect for me i ended up not at all..certain things would come in between us and things will not work like what i assumed it will be.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
At this point I'm not liking him too much...just enough to want to spend time with him. The rest of the time I enjoy my alone time. I like looking forward to seeing him once in awhile.
@SilverDragon (7)
• South Africa
27 Jul 07
I think starting new relationships will always be difficult because of the insecurities we carry with us from our previous relationships. heartbreak usually results in more caution and thus fear. So I have learnt to curb my fears and just go "all in". If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then again it doesn't. I understand that at your age it may even be more dificult since you're looking for genuine companionship and not a fling where you and your partner end up arguing about petty things and sho forth. Well all I can say is that I wish you all the best and giving up is not an option. There's nothing worse than loneliness.
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I like that..."giving up is not an option"....you have that right! I keep telling myself if it works it works if not...oh well. But deeper down inside I think I'm saying something else.
@abdulbrohi (384)
• Pakistan
27 Jul 07
ye its always difficult to start a new reletionship. but not impossible. so just dont lose it. and everything will be ok.
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
27 Jul 07
It's never easy. All any of us can do, I think, is to make the best of every moment, hope for the best, put our passion out forward, meanwhile seemingly-secretly protecting our heart.
The only reason that it's every hard for anyone to start a new relationship is due to the hurt we've learned from the prior relationships.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
27 Jul 07
Just relax, let nature take it's course. Don't worry so much.
If you think he is going a little too fast, just tell him. But don't worry about your age or the destination, just enjoy the ride. If it works out, it works out, if it doesn't, it doesn't, but enjoy the in between. Not everything was meant to happen, but some things are.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
It's so hard for me to just relax because I want so bad for this to work out. I'm tired of being alone and I want someone to be with for the rest of my life.
@nikko84111 (368)
• China
27 Jul 07
i think you just ignore it~
it depends what you feel it in this relationship~
you need sometime to get used to him~
he is a new one in your life~
sometimes you will feel strange~
or you just think it is too fast to date with him~
try it~
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
27 Jul 07
I think because it's so new that it does feel strange. After being with one man for 5 years it's hard to get used to someone new.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jul 07
the older we are the harder it is i think. I don't think much about it anymore. I am fine with my life being single but when I do date someone, I just don't think about how long it is or isn't going to last. I just enjoy the moment.
Sometimes it ends up lasting a long time and other times not. I think maybe you are just very afraid of being hurt again. I say just enjoy him and who knows? Maybe it really will turn into something lasting. You won't know if you don't give it a chance.
