Question for the ladies....

When I was a single mother, raising my daughter alone from birth to two years of age, I dated a few men. Most were divorced with children. One in particular told me on the first date that he had had a vasectomy and didn't want anymore children. I did not pursue a relationship with this man, as much as he tried to. He couldn't give me what I wanted so I moved on. I you want to move on because he can't give you something you want, why would you wait a year? That would make it more difficult to do and more painful. By the way, vasectomies can be reversed but it doesn't sound like that is even an option. Perhaps he is not the man for you. Just my two cents.

You and your bf have only been together for a yr. right? Have you both takled about the pro's and con's to this and your feeling and his feelings? Do you think that you can roll with his decision if he decides to go for it because he already has 3 kids of his own. Have you looked at it from his point of view... Also have you had him look at it from your point of view..? Have you talked to him about alternatives so that you can have another kid. Like getting his sperm frozen until you and him are ready to start a family together if you even get there. You and him have only been together for a year and the decision to have a kid with someone should be done further done the road. Not that I'm one who should talk but I've learned from my mistakes, I feel that children isn't something that should be brought up in the beginning of a relationship because the fact the relationship is new and you need to learn about eachother more. Spend time working on seeing where the relationship is going .. If children are important to you then you have to think hard and long about this relationship... But like I said there are always other options and if you are going to discuss this make sure you look at all the alternatives ... You do have to remember that he is older than you by 17yrs and that for him he might want to get to the point that he wants to enjoy life he has kids that he raised and you have one that if he is in a relationship with you he is most likely willing to be there for but to go through the infant stage agian he might not want to do .. You have to figure out what is more important to you?

I would have a long, heart-to-hear talk with him. If he is insistent that he wants no more children, then you have to decide if you love him enough to stay and give up your dream of another child.

I think you need to have a long, deep & meaningful discussion with your partner, it's wrong for the both of you though - it's wrong for him to deny you more children but it's also wrong of you want to leave him because he wont give them to you - especially if you are going to leave it for another year. Ask him why he thinks you shouldn't have the chance to have another baby, ask him why it's ok for him to have 4 children & you only 1, ask him if there's any way he'd reconsider :) You both need to compromise & stop thinking about just yourself - he needs to realise you're younger & you need to realise he's got 4 kids & i'm sure they cost a fortune! It must be hard for you but these are the obstacles you'll always be up against when you are with someone who is so much older than you & has been previously married with children. I wish you well & hope you can sort it out but don't jump to conclusions & don't make rash decisions that you'll regret down the track. There's no point in making yourself a single parent before you've had a proper chat & discussed all the pro's & cons with having more kids :)

I had the opposite happen, I wanted no more children after I had my son. There is 9 years between my kids, and by the time is part way through the pregnancy with the last one, I knew I did not want to do this again. I decided to have my tubes tied as I am the older partner. I discussed this with the hubby first, and he was fine with it. I made it clear that if it was not ok, we would have to figure something out though. He is younger than me and I wanted him to be able to decide if he wanted more kids if something happened with us, or to me. I knew I wanted no more, but he may change his mind later on. At 17 years your senior, I can understand where your bf is coming from. Three kids is a lot. I also understand where you are coming from. I think that you need to sit with him and have a long discussion about this. If his heart is set on this, then you need to think about what is best for you. If you truly want kids of your own, will you resent your partner later on if you stay and have none? Take the time to think and talk it through. Best of luck.

I was in a similar situation..My husband and I have son together...He and I split up for awhile and in his previous marriage he has a son with his ex...When him and I got back together He said simply my boys are enough for me I don't want anymore kids..I want to get a vasectomy..I love my husband with all my heart and soul..I sat down with him and talked it over with him..I told him I understand what you are saying that you already have 2 kids..And you feel that is enough for you..But I have just our son together and I really want more kids..I feel it's unfair to me..Can we please talk more and come to an agreement..We talked it over benefits, and disadvantages on both sides...He then comes up to me one day..Gives me a kiss and says your right hun it is unfair to deny you a chance to have one more baby..So lets see what happens whatever happens happens..We now have a 14 month old babygirl...I didn't leave and chose not to because I love him so much..I guess if it was me I would soul search and see how much this relationship means to me to have the conversation I did..Or just respect his decision and be friends and move on with him undestanding your side..I hope this response didn't come across mean good luck smiles

Well as someone who doesn't have children and never wanted them, I would have been delighted! It would have put an end to all those years of taking the Pill or using other precautions, and getting totally paranoid every month if I was so much as a day late! Actually, my partner did offer as he never wanted kids either but when it came down to it he was too much of a coward to go through with it (awwwww!). I guess if your partner already has 4 children he feels very strongly that he cannot support/afford/give his time, or whatever to any others, and I respect his decision. I guess if you are not happy with it, and desparetly want more. then you will have to move on, - but surely being with a responsible guy who is the father of the child you already have together, and obviously respects you enough to be honest with you, is better than bringing up the child you do have alone? After all, you may not find another guy you love enough to want to have another child with anyway.

I would drive him to the doc myself. Sounds like a great idea. I'm most likely infertile, but "most likely" isn't good enough for me and I'm in no shape to get surgery, so it would be great to not have to worry about it as much.

I'm only 22, and my boyfriend is only 24 (turns 25 in two weeks) so it would be a huge deal if he wanted that done. I want kids more than anything in life... i currently have none cuz i feel like i'm still too young. Ultimatly it'd be his decision, but if it came down to that, i'd break up with him. I can't compromise on that. However, if i already had a couple kids, and was older, it probably wouldnt be such a big deal to me. I'd sit down and have a long talk to him about it, why he wants it so bad, is he sure, etc, etc. Good luck!

I'm fairly ambivalent about whether or not my fiance and I have children in the future. He's a bit younger than I am, so he doesn't really think he will ever want kids, though I suspect he may change his mind later on. If he wanted to get a vasectomy, though, I think I would be okay with that. If we really want kids later, we could always adopt.

i think its not practical but think before you proceed.all d best