do you ever feel inadequate?
By jodenton
@jodenton (222)
July 29, 2007 1:07pm CST
Hi, we've just bought a house and had to do a lot of decorating and renovations and garden landscaping etc as you do when you first move into a place. I love working with my husband on this and the sense of pride when we look round the property every evening is great. My problem is that my husband is really good at everything and I've just about realised that I don't think I have many skills....except perhaps tidying up after he's done some work! I'm quite a cocky tomboy at heart and always prided myself at being able to more than match a lot of men at most things be it playing sports, driving fast, drinking alcohol etc etc etc and before we bought our house and were renting etc and had a lot more time for hobbies and travelling I realy felt like my husband's equal.
Since we've bought the house I've discovered that I'm really not and most of the time just "submit to orders" about what I should do etc etc. This is the most productive way to go about things I know but it just really narks me!
Has anyone else gone through the same experiences or has anyone got any advice?
3 responses
@mrs_lidwell (115)
• United States
29 Jul 07
You know, I feel like that a lot of the time. But I think the reason I do is because partly because of my sever depression, and partly because he is much older and has more experience in a lot more stuff than I am. He is 12 years older than me. That being said, I do feel as if my place in our marriage sometimes is just to learn from him, and follow orders. lol. But... I try not to let it bother me too much because I do know that everyone has things they do better than everyone else. Just gotta find what it is... whether its cooking, taking care of the kids, whatever... just gotta find that thing that you do better than him and have confidence in that instead of worrying if you are better than him in everything or most things. I am still trying to find that "one thing" I speak of though heeh.. hope this helps!
1 person likes this
@jodenton (222)
•
30 Jul 07
Thanks for your post! My husband is 10 and a half years older than me so we are in a similar position although luckily I do not have severe depression. That must make it extremely tough for you. You are right of course. There are presumably things that I am better than my husband at, he isn't afterall perfect but we shall see. I often thought that perhaps I'd make a good mum but I am also cautious of this because he has had three children of his own so I can foresee not being able to make my own mistakes when/if we have children. Oh well!
@mrs_lidwell (115)
• United States
30 Jul 07
You are welcome and I do hope I helped. Dont worry about being a good mommy or not. Being a mommy comes second nature to us... and I am sure it does/will get easier when you two have your own children. Everyone makes mistakes when raising children. The object is to learn from those mistakes and move on! Once you have learned from your mistakes with your first child... then you will know what to do and not to do with your future chidlren! I am sure he will understand that you are/will be a new mommy and mistakes are inevidable(SP) and I am sure he has made some mistakes raising his other children as well. Like you said, he is not perfect... no one is. But, since he does have other children, my advice would be to learn from him and his mistakes as well when you start to have children. Let him show you a few things. There is no such thing as the "perfect mom" or the "perfect dad" Everyone makes mistakes. You will. I have. He has. My husband has. Everyone does when it comes to raising children because there is no book to follow. My point behind all of this is just dont worry about being a good mommy. that will come with time, and it is a learning process for everyone. You will see that there will be things you do with your first child that you refuse to do with your second. You are partially lucky though. You get to "test out the waters" with his kids! Most new mommies dont get a trial run lol. Parenthood is hard. Probably one of the hardest jobs we will ever have. But it is such a rewarding job too! Just relax and stop worrying so much hehe.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
31 Jul 07
oh all the time lol!! i am working in a job that requires me to learn a lot of skills and sometimes i just feel so useless! but they are patient and great and in another way, i feel inadequate is because my knees are bothering me so much, that i am almost crippled and cannot do a lot around the house, fortunately hubby is a wonderfull help!
@silvermoonmyst (943)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I understand how you feel. I often feel like im playing second fiddle to someone. My husband makes a comment how so and so does this or that better. And it really bothers me. For the most part i just try to ignore it, and consentrate on what makes me feel better no matter what that is. I know im good at photograpy, so i work on that. You have to look for what you do well and focus on that. Its whats helped me.
