My mother never wants to take care of her only grandchild...

Some grandparents feel they put in their time raising their child, and now it's your turn! Of course it's nice to have time away from your child, but I know several loving grandmothers who would rather have their time to themselves and enjoy their grandchildren while not having the responsibility.

I think the best way is to just come out and ask your mom. I think it would be best if you just went right to your Mom. It doesn't sound like you have any doubts of her love. Is he really young? Not sure of the answer why. That's why I think you should just ask your mom. Do your inlaws take him on over nights? Let me just say with grandparents that would be a way to perhaps get the results you want. I have two mother in laws I know lucky me. My hubbys dad wants very little to do with us pretty sure it is because of my step mother in law. But oh well. Anyway as soon as they get wind of something my hubbys mom is going with my boys they jump right on board. @@ It's sad but its true they compete with her. Good luck I still think the best way is to just come out and ask her. There could be a very simple explanation, or you could go with plan B

This is just a thought (and only a thought...) You said your Mom was not the best of Mothers. Could it be that she knows that's how you feel about her, and she's afraid to be with your grandson for fear of accuisations that she's treating him poorly when you're not there? Speaking as a gramma myself, you could not pull me away from watching my grandbabies while my kids work, or for special times. It sounds to me that the unspoken unresolved issues are getting in the way, and not letting her feel free to offer. Feelings of guilt does strange things to people. If you want to move on, and provide a good example to your kids, you and your mother need to discuss it all calmly, and move past it so she can feel like she's worth it in your eyes. The only reason I say this is because possibly she still feels/senses your resentment over the past, and the way she handled you. Forgiveness works both ways and would draw you closer together. IE: she would feel forgiven for her past 'sins of motherhood' and she could forgive you for not letting the past die and getting beyond the past hurts. (Just my humble little opinion...you're not the first who's had that kind of a problem.) Sorry if I'm not too helpful, but I'm trying to see it through different eyes looking from the outside to in:-) Good luck!

Boy is she missing a great opportunity!!! I love having my grandkids and when they see me they come running! You didn't say how old he was. When my youngest granddaughter was born I was just a little hesitant to bath her etc. as it had been 7 years since the last grandchild was born. Now she is two and even stays overnight! Have you asked her? Maybe she is holding back because of the issues you two have. Maybe instead of waiting for an offer, just ask her to!

I knew a lady who had 5 kids & nothing to do with her grandkids unless the family was over. With her it was because she was a very selfish, stuck up person who thought the world owed her everything. It was sad. Your mom apparently has some issue that she either isn't dealing with or dealing with in her own way by not wanting more time with the child. It may have nothing to do with unresolved issues with you. Most grandparents I know want to spend time with their grandkids. Maybe you could talk to her about it. Bring it up nicely in a conversation about the child. Let her know it concerns you.

Maybe because your relationship with her hasn't been fab she is scared to take the initiative to take care of him for fear of upstting you. It is possible she feels you may think she is interfering or she is scared you will say she is doing something wrong or by her looking after him it will remind you of how she let you down in the past. Why don't you take the initiative and introduce it slowly, perhaps next time you are at your mums say you need to pop to the shop and that you willl only be a minute and qould she mind watching him. This will subtly let her know that this is something you encourage. If she agrees slowly introduce more opportunities for her to be alone with him. However you know your mother better than anyone so if you really do think she is doing it to make your life more difficult then talk to her , lay it out that her spitful behaviour is not hurting you but is spoiling a fabulous opportunity to create a bond with her grandchild, chances are she desperately wants to but is to pround to admit it. Hope you find some solution and please let us know if you have any sucess.

Whew! What a discussion!!! From an intensely private and painful discussion, we all went to God knows where. I sympathise with you babykay coz I somewhat understand you. Our reasons maybe different, but even I have many unresolved issues with my mom and things come to such a pass sometimes, that for weeks we are no longer in talking terms. But the ‘umbilical cord’ can never truly be broken, as both you and I know too well. Parents and children may not get along together, many of us have unhealed scars inside, many parents think their children to be ungrateful, but eventually there is no escaping the fact that we share the same genes and traits. But your case is somewhat unusual. I have seldom come across grandmoms from the mother’ side who don’t want to look after their grandchildren. Grandmoms from the father’s side often do. I would advise you to be civil and responsible towards your mom…leave her to her antiques, visit her once-in-a-while and if you ever do leave you son with her, make sure you appoint a babysitter so that she would not have to do it physically. This is life..no matter how much you want to, some issues are best left unresolved and some bridges uncrossed. Dont attache too much importance to her, ignore her if she becomes intolerable. Parents have been known to wreck marriages of their children, intentional or otherwise. As for Crazyhorse, I feel sorry for her. She might be a perfect b*tch, but so are many women with far less grudges than her. She has every right to be bitter towards one and all coz, while she never became a mother herself (a crippling reality for many women), she was conveniently used as a babysitter by relatives. And you know how relatives are!!! They will take advantage of you, but the moment you speak your mind, they will start bad-mouthing you. I believe she had to take in a lot, silently or otherwise. Just forgive, forget and move on!!!

Yes I can see where it's kind of sad to you that your mother does not have the "need" many grand mothers have to be with their grandchildren for quality time. Maybe when he gets older she will, it could be to her he is too young right now. BTW Don't let the fruit loops get to you, they get their undies out of place all the time, just ignore them.

My mother lives 1,000 miles away and my mother in law a bit further, so it's hard for the kids to have a great relationship with them.. though we do try. Keeping the children simply is not a way we can establish a relationship for them right now, as even when we do visit, or they come and visit, my boys simply have NO IDEA who their grandparents are.. as they get older it will get better. My sons are almost 3 and almost 1. HOw old is your son? I know many grandmothers are quite hesitant to take the baby too far from his mother when they are very young. Also, you said that you and your mother had some issues, maybe she feels like YOU don't trust her? Maybe she doesn't think YOU would WANT her to take the kiddo.. Honestly, you'll just have to suggest something and see how she reacts.. It really depends on the age of the kid, but a simple.. "mom, you want to take my son to the park, library wherever for an hour while I get groceries?" will at least help pinpoint the problem.. if it doesn't help.. then you'll have to be more direct with her, and see what's going on. You and your mother must work out any issues you have in order for your son and her to have the relationship you want for them. Grandparents can be such a gift to their grandchildren, so for his (and your mother's sake) you've got to get to the bottom of it, regardless of how uncomfortable or awkward it may be. WIsh you all the best.

Have you ever asked her to take him overnight? Maybe she thinks that you think that she isn't the "mother of the year" so you would not want to leave your son with her- Just a thought- I'd ask her- Hey mom- I want to run some errands- Can I leave him here for a few hours- Start small and then maybe ask for the overnight- Could be she is just worried.

I would suggest that you sit down with her and ask her about it. Find out from her why she doesn't want to spend time with her grandson. Maybe she's afraid that something might happen when she's caring for him and then you would blame her. You said she wasn't the best mother. Maybe she just doesn't know how to be a mother or caring person. Some people have a real challenge with it. I would recommend that you invite her to lunch or something and find someone who can take care of your son or go out while he's in school or whatever and really ask her point blank why she doesn't want to care for your son or spend time with him alone. Even if it's uncomfortable, you need to stick your neck out and find out. Be prepared not to take anything she says personally. From what you've said, this is her problem not yours so whatever she says or however she may try to blame you or make excuses, remember that she is the one with the problem not you. You need to choose ahead of time not to be hurt or offended by whatever she says. She may surprise you and everything may work out to a wonderful conclusion. Expect the best but don't be thrown by whatever she may say. Just go into it with the best interests of your son in mind.

Don't feel hurt. Its not that your mother doesn't love your son or you, its just that sometimes parents can be quite beyond anyone's comprehension. Firstly, I don't think she avoids taking care of her grandchild because she feels that you'll be relieved. And maybe, she's not so child friendly. My mother was somewhat like that initially when my baby was born. She used to crib and complain and since I had to spend a lot of time at her place those days, I had quite a terrible time. I've known friends and acquaintances who have proudly spoken of how their mothers do everything for their children while they are freaking out. It was unthinkable in my case, as the few occasions that I did leave the baby with her I felt guilty. But things are quite different now. Give her some time, I'm sure she'll get more warm. Also why expect? Our parents are under no obligation to babysit our children. If they do appreciate it. Don't push any relationship. Everybody is not dying to cuddle babies. If you really want your mother to take care of her granson why don't you straightforwardly ask her to by telling her how your son loves her lap, touch, smile etc, how you would like your son to imbibe her values, how you would love her to tell your son all those stories that she's told you as a child. (And there's no mom on earth who's not told her children stories). Make her feel good. Don't let your ego come in between and you see how her attitude will change. Please respond and let me know about the progress.