My mom is driving me mad, help!!!!!
By latsmom
@latsmom (824)
July 29, 2007 6:03pm CST
I love my mom to bits, we did not speak for years and I am glad that she is back in my life, but she keeps running my daughter down as she did to me when I was younger in favour of my younger sister, I rememebr how much it hurt me when she always ran me down yet always praised my sister. I left home at 14 as I could no longer live in an environment wher I was the blame for everthing from the trouble my sis got herself into while I was not even there to the fact she had me when she was young. Now it seems my daughter is now this scapegoat, she is now only four and my mom has only been back on the scene since Christmas, she says my daughter is spoiled which she is but then is that not my pergogative, also for example today my brother was having a bath and was playig with my daughters small ball in the tub, adn my daughter said Uncle Stephen, taht's my ball as shse was confused as to why he had taken it into the tub, he has special needs and didn't know any better, but then to my horror my mom picked up the ball and threw it at my daughter and when it hit her head and she cried my mom just said, have your damn ball I will buy Steve one of is own. She also phoned me when she got home to tell me about her converstaion with my father about how nasty and spiteful my daughter is, which she is not. Her school report this year is excellent, she has many freinds, adn my freinds who have looked after her say she is good as gold and are eager to invite her round for tea and sleepovers, I do not understand why my mom is acting in this way. I know my daughter is not perfect but my nephew who is slightly younger swears, and his mom smokes drugs in frot of him, which my mom never mentions all she does is moan about how may toys my daughter has and that seh is too spoiled and is not very loveing, the thing is she has not been round for over 4 years of her life so she can't expect her to just jump in adn be all loving until she gets to know her. My mom came tonight as she forgot a few thngs when she came to stop over and I was really upset as she walked in teh house and practically ignored my daughter, I don't want my little girl to be without grandparents but I worry greatly that the constant negative input is no good for her, for example teh otyther week when i showed my mom my daughters school report and she didn't even read it, she just put her cup of coffee on it adn spoke about how my nephew is getting big and how bright he is. I am not jealous of my sister and nephew, I love them unconditionally but as a child I grew to hate my sister becaseu of the unfair treatment of us, I don't want my daughter to hate my nephew, I just want my mom to treat them the same, I can't approach her as she will turn it round or just say fine then I wont bother with her and walk away, but then if I don't say anything, she may mentally scar my daughter as she did to me, help! what do i do, she has started taking it out on my brother now too as he prefers to be at my house than at home with her, I just don't know what to do/. I don't want to argure with my mom but she is so unaproachable, please help, any advice woudl be gratefully recieved.
4 people like this
5 responses
@kykidd (6812)
• United States
30 Jul 07
Wow, this all seems tough. I myself have had to approach my mother, but only about being negative and bringing me down. Since then she has tried to watch and be more optimistic. You may just have to come out and say something. I know you want your mother in your life, we all do...but if she is not able to see how she is acting and change things you may have to go back to the way it was without her. Then again, if you point out how she is treating your daughter she may watch what she says and after a while it may become habit for her to treat your daughter with the kindness she deserves.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
30 Jul 07
I think you might just need to confront her, if she is that inconsiderate that she'd walk out of her Grand daughter's life because of you doing it, then you need to realise your daughter is better off having no Grandma at all, than having one that is always going to be rude or cruel towards her.
Your Mum's negative attitude & lack of giving your daughter a proper chance to get to know her is only making things harder, the harder your Mum makes it, the longer it will take for your daughter to warm to her - if she ever does.
Honestly, if she cant treat them all the same, then you're better off cutting your losses, as bad as that sounds but you're right, your child doesn't need that sort of negative input in her life. You know what it did to you & you don't want your daughter to have the same.
I'd be upset but still, i'd cut my Mum off if she was like yours, there's no need for it & she's old enough to know she needs to be treating all her grandkids the same - even if she has a favourite, she doesn't need to show it to everyone. That's just wrong & unfair.
Good Luck xxx
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
30 Jul 07
This is very sad. The fact that your Mum has carried on her behaviour from when you were a child, to your daughter now, indicates to me that your mother has a problem. Not you.
Why does she feel the need to do this? To be constantly negative & critical? Why would she be jealous of your daughter?
Does your Mum lack self esteem herself?
I can only suggest that you have a good talk with your Mum.Perhaps start off with a positive comment, such as you would like your children to have a loving grandmother in their lives. Then go onto to mention the negative things she is doing to yiour daughhter.
If this doesn't work, then I can only suggest that you reduce her visits to your house, until she gets the message.
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
30 Jul 07
Hello there latsmom!
I am so sorry that you are going through this unwarranted situation with your mom! I know exactly how you feel because I too am going through the same situation with my mom and her unfair treatment with my kids.
Honestly at this point, I really do think that the only thing you can do is talk to your mom and express how you feel, now if she was truly compassionate about being a part of your daughter’s life she will change!
I believe that it will take time for her to change because you mentioned that she has also been the same towards you as you were growing up, in the mean time I would suggest that you try and keep your daughter busy so that she would not have to endure the problems that you are experiencing with your mom.
I would also suggest that you come to a compromise with your mom and have her spend time with your daughter alone. I feel that given the situation you grew up in, you might be seeing things between your mom and your daughter simply because it still affects you till this day. Don’t get me wrong! Your mom is not mistreating your daughter, I am simply suggesting that it would be easier for the both of you is she spent the time alone with your daughter. I have been through this and I have noticed that being around my mom when she spends time with my kids, I tend to pick and point out every little thing that leads to an argument.
I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you mom can make a change soon, I have noticed some change in my mom but I really don’t pay any mind anymore, I simply give her time with my kids and my kids alone so that I don’t have to argue with her over every little thing that will eventually bring up the past.
Good Luck, I really hope you feel better soon!
@Clarissa163 (2)
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
it's really hard having someone around, specially moms. i think that since their lives were not that perfect they feel that if we also didn't have perfect lives, then were even. they just can't accept the fact that things are different now. when we were kids we wereeasier to tame. kids now are so different. and we are more adjusted to our children's situation than they are. so I think that the best way for you to get out of that situation is for you to live on your own. It's good to have someone around, but if you're not at peace when this person is around, then just let go of her. It's more worth keeping peace around the house most specially when you have kids around. I have the same situation as you are. I just left the house because of a disagreement with my husband and my in law. i am so messed up. I don't know what to do. i have no job. my husband doesn't have one either, so we moved in with my mother in law, which was so against my will. I've lived with her before and i was so glad when we finally had to leave. but now were on one roof again. I feel everyday is a living hell. it was just 3 days ago and I can't seem to find peace already. there isn't a day that we did not fight. my life is a hell. sometimes i wonder why this is happening to me. Maybe God was'nt that fair? But it's bad to blame God for stuff like that. it's me orthe people around me. Sometimes I juast wanna end my life. I wanna jump off a building, strangle my self or just disappear. I feel so alone, left out! I want out. I don't know where to go. Since I was a kiid, I did'nt live with my parents. I had to face adolescence alone. i matured on my own. i handled my own problems coz I was afraid to open myself to anyone. Now, I have my own family and life seems to get even harder on me. I am so fed up with life. i just want a way out. I wanna go abroad and work. i want to get as far away from the people who hurt me....i wanna live the remaining years of my life in peace. I'm sorry. It's your problem that I should give a solution to, but here I am pouring my own. i just need to clear my head.
