My mother was in an accident today
By avonrep1
@avonrep1 (1862)
United States
July 31, 2007 12:31am CST
I wonder when she will learn. I am angry because it could have been avoided, if her and my father would be responsible and relieze that having seizures while driving is just as deadly and as irresponsible as drunk driving. I love my mother she suffers from epilepsy.
She was the first person in the state of Indiana to undergo brain surgery for it. For almost ten years she was seizure free. Then she started having them again. She went under the knife again for some new device that is suppose to stop seizures before they happen. It works most of the time, except for when she has no warning sign as she had today.
Thankfully, she wasn't hurt badly, She didn't hurt anyone else either, but did run across two lanes and up a curb into a parking lot, and slammed into a parked car. Thankfully noone was in it.
My sister and I are going to confront our parents tomorrow, either she stops driving or we will go to the courts to make sure she doesn't drive. I love my mother dearly, but my kids are not allowed in the car with her driving.
I know that even though it hurts her, she also understands. I wish though I could get her to understand how dangerous it is when ever she gets behind the wheel, because it can happen any time and this isn't the first time. She has hit another park car, a tree, and a guard rail that stopped her. So you think my sister and I are doing the right thing?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother having an accident. I totally understand your concern for her saftey. Nobody wants to loose a parent and sometimes for their own good we have to act like the parent and parent them for a change. I hope it works out for you both.
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Thank you I appericate that. I know they are not going to like what I got to say, but I have to say it. She is gonna end up killing someone if she continues to drive. It scares me, and I don't want her killing herself either. I wish my father would do something. I have three children I am trying to raise, I am so tired of having still be the one to tell her and him what is best for her. I have been doing that since I was able to talk. I was the one with her out around town when she would fall. Her doctor taught me what to do in an emergency and I wish my father would finally learn. If I have anything to do with it he will.
1 person likes this
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I hope they both are able to see it your way and understand how serious a problem it is. It can be hard sometimes when our loved ones act in ways that can be self destructive. I hope that they can see you are only doing it for their own good.
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I can see it now, I know how it is going to go. My father is going to get really mad and start yelling at me, then I will yell back. My mother will listen and have to calm my dad down. In the meantime, he won't speak to me for a month or two.
This is what happens anytime, he disagree's with me.
My mother listens to me, she reliezes that I only say what I feel and alot of times, when I say something, she knows I am telling the truth. I tend to know when things are going to happen before they do. I warned her last week that she didn't look like she was feeling very well, that she should let dad drive her for the next couple of weeks. I told her I was worried about this, and now....
So I see her listening and him getting mad. He don't like that I seem to know things and thinks I am going to go to hell because I know things, without knowing why.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I don't have any experience with this but I do think you are doing the right thing. Next time she could kill someone or herself and you will regret not doing anything. I'm sure it will be hard but you said she will understand so it should all be alright.
Just a thought...and maybe it depends on state laws...but I thought that a person automatically had their driver's license suspended for a year after a seizure? Maybe you should check into that if you haven't already (I'm sure you already know more about this than I do). If your state has the same or similar law it might not even be up to you and your sister anyway...not that you two are wrong but there would just be less chance of hurt feelings or resentment if it was in the state's hands to decide.
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
you would be amazed at who is allowed to drive. People with seizures are given a liecenses here in Indiana if their doctor has their medications controlling their seizures. I know two others that also suffer from seizures, they both have a liecense, though one is restricted to emergancies only.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
31 Jul 07
I"m sorry to hear about your mom and glad that this accident didn't have more serious consequences.
I completely understand you and what you need to do, and I know it will be hard to discuss this with them, but needed nevertheless because it's not something you can control 100% - even with the surgery as it is proven by your mom.
I understand how hard it will be for her to loose the freedom of being able to drive her car, but the next accident might not be as consequence free as this one. She can seriously hurt herself or others and I"m sure she will be able to understand that after you talk.
It is sad but needed.
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I talked to her and I didn't believe her promise that she wouldn't drive again. I am gonna call her doctor, in just a little bit and threaten him. I am gonna basically tell him, he better take her license or next time I will get a lawyer and hold him responsible. He know she has been having seizures and he needs to make sure she isn't driving. He has the power to take her license from her and he will or he will lose the right to practice medicine, and he is a really good doctor, he taught me how to take care of my mother, before I was the age of 3. I knew what to do, when ever she would go into a seizure. You would think by now my father would know what to do, but he don't.
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@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
1 Aug 07
So check this out I called her doctor and told him to take her license. I don't know if he will or not. Anyways she just called me and he didn't say anything about me calling him to her, but now she is saying it wasn't her seizures that it was her stimulation she had was is called a VNS inplant, she says for some reason it stop working. I say BULL Crap if it wasn't working, your seizures did cause the accident. I can already tell she is planning on driving again.
If she does, I can see it happening, she will get into another accident but only this time she won't be as lucky, she will end up killing someone or herself.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
31 Jul 07
I can understand her reluctance, for her it is like loosing a bit of freedom and the major problem is that they always think everything is under control. But it isn't and you do well calling the doctor.
SHe will have to accept the fact that it is not safe for her to drive. Not for her, and not for the others.
1 person likes this
@abroji (3247)
• India
31 Jul 07
It is better it ended up with some small damage. I think your dicission is right. At the present state of her health it is not at all admissible for her to drive a vehicle. She should definitely be restricted. If necessary you and your sister should go ahead with your legal plans. If your parents realise the situation and take some favourable dicissions it would be fine though.
Thank you avonrep1.
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I hope that this isn't what ruins our relastionship, as you know from my previous posts, I don't get along very well with my father, because our belief clash with each other, He don't want to accept who I am. I have this feeling he is gonna be ticked off when it is all said and done. But I have to do what I feel is right.
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@bhappy2 (327)
• Australia
31 Jul 07
I feel very sorry for your mother. Having seizures I bad enough but it is the limitations it puts on her that must really be frustrating. Of course she should not be driving as it is dangersous to her and other people but isn't it sad that an otherwise healthy active person had to give up something that the rest of us pretty much think of as our right. In Australia she would not be able to drive legally because of her illness. Is this not the case where she lives?
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
She had surgery and after being seizure free they let her have her license. She lost them after having seizures again, but has lied since, so she don't lose them, by saying her blood pressure medicine made her black out, which is bull crap. I am really said it has come to this. If I have to I will take it to the DA and make them press charges on her for something, though I don't know what yet.
1 person likes this
@MonAmb (126)
•
31 Jul 07
I am sorry to hear about her accident. Yes i do agree that you should somehow stop your mother from driving. She could seriously hurt herself, someone she loves in the car with them, pedestrians, other drivers...Although it might seem tough, she cannot risk lives every time she has a seizure...I know somebody with epilepsy and from the stories that i have been told by him, they are terrible....Good luck and i hope your mother is well soon.
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@MonAmb (126)
•
1 Aug 07
Yes, however, if you leave it for another accident, it may be more serious than previous crashes. Although you could sue the doctor for malpractice, i expect you would probably prefer your mother to be in a healthy condition becuase she hasn't had a chance to drive again and perhaps crash again. I do not know if you could go to the state straight after the doctor has not taken any action and tell them he is risking lives.
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
1 Aug 07
I think you and your sister are doing the right thing. She could seriously hurt herself or someone else. The doctor should also be notifying the powers that be that she shouldn't be driving. It will be hard because she will feel that her freedom is being taken away. Maybe if she is seizure free for 5 years she can get her license back then.
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@9thwonder (52)
• United States
31 Jul 07
very sad news. you have the right to be concerned.
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@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
1 Aug 07
I assume that Mom has also tried all all the available medications for seizures, there are new ones coming out all of the time.
What does her neurologist say? I would think, that she would lose her license as a result of controlled epilepsy. What she is doing is deadly, she is taking a chance with her life and everyone elses when she gets behind the wheel.
You have a right to be worried and to forbid your children from being anywhere near her when she is driving, she is dangerous.
She will not learn, my father has macular degeneration, he says he can not watch TV yet he drives, my sister has talked with her doctors and they will not do anything, therefore my father continues to drive because the doctors have not told otherwise.
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@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
1 Aug 07
She is one that has tired anything and everything new throughout her life. She has undergone surgeries, and testing and has been a lab rat. Still she suffers from the seizures. I think it is deadly, and I am so worried. I hope that my effort go heard.
@candiec2005 (828)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Well you don't want her to drive becuase you're concerned about her. SHe can hurt hurself or someone else. There's nothing wrong with that. I'd do the same thing if I were you. I'm sure once you and your sister confront your mother she will probably be upset at first but deep down inside she'll know both of you are right. Don't worry, she'll get over it.
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
After talking to her today, I think she is lying, she promised not to drive again, but I am calling her doctor, and telling him he either revokes her driving priveleges, or next time she is in an accident, I am gonna sue for medical melpractice(?sp)
That should do it, I think.
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
31 Jul 07
Yes, you and your sister are doing right? Just go with it. I feel that if she is not listening to you then you have to force her to do it. Is is for her safety and she should understand your feelings. It is really risky to drive. I hope you both manage to make her understand and that she never drives again. My prayer for your family and that everything will be fine. Take care.
1 person likes this
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Oh yes!! I am glad she is alright also. Definatly talk to her. Tell her if she needs to go some where you or your sister would be happy to take her. Explain to her that her daughters and grandchildren love and need her here on earth and how much it would sadden everyone if she would to pass on because of all this. In other words scare the love of family into her. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Hugs
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@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
31 Jul 07
She knows that I will take her anywhere she needs to go. I have before and always will. It makes me angry she is so stubborn. I understand wanting to drive, I love to travel and to be behind the wheel myself. But if I had seizures, there would be no way in h E LL that I would risk it.
I will let you know what happens. I am about to leave to go get the Police Report, fax it to her insurance, and to confront them. Update should be here in a couple of hours.
@tak22thegoat (4)
• Japan
1 Aug 07
aww i cant believe wat happened!
Im really sorry about your mom
1 person likes this
@little_angel (2458)
• Australia
31 Jul 07
Hello avonrep1
I am so sorry about your mother's accident.
I think you should told your mother very gentle just to make sure hot hurt her feeling. And she should have someone that accompany her just to make her safe.
I hope she will be fine soon.
God bless your family
*angel
