If you were me, would you let her borrow money?
@Zelmarq (12585)
Cebu City, Philippines
July 31, 2007 5:56pm CST
The trauma of not been paid by friend who did not pay their debts to me has affected my judgement when it comes to money and lending it to freinds.
I have this classamte from college that I have resmused contact with some few months ago through friendster and have been asking me to let her borrow a good amount of money.Those previous months I have politely refused her because we need the money for the house, mother had repairs and i gave my share for the house. And she said it was ok.
The problem now is that she never stopped asking me about the issue, she messaged me on frienster, email,and even texted me many times but i never answered her. She is far away and I find it hard and i am having second thoughts. There are anumber of my friends who borrowed money from me and thats a good amount and now i dont know what to do.
6 people like this
26 responses
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
1 Aug 07
If you don't want to then you don't have to and you may need to tell her in one good email. I know she is a good friend of yours but you just need to tell her straight or just let her know that you are in no means of being able to help her out at this time because you have your own family commitments.
3 people like this
@keerthinarayan (63)
• India
1 Aug 07
well you are in a fix but i have been in this situation with my friends & it's quiet hard to refuse them so i broke my frienship with them
@jeweledbluerose (3061)
• United States
1 Aug 07
All it took was one friend to break my trust when I loaned out money, that it caused me not to lend money to friends openly anymore. Now days friends have to fill out a contract that states they will pay it back on such and such date, and if they don't they are no longer allowed to ask me for money. I hate doing that kind of stuff, but at least it gives me proof that they did indeed ask me for money, and have or have not repaid me.
3 people like this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
1 Aug 07
It is a difficult situation to be in but maybe you just have to be firmer with her.
IE Dear XXXX,
You have asked to borrow money from me on several occasions and each time I have explained why I could not lend it to you. You said that you understand, but despite this you keep asking. You need to understand I am not in a position to lend you this morning and repeating your requests will not cause this situation to change.
3 people like this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
2 Aug 07
In my dictionary, a loan is as good as donating money. Once you agreed to the loan, you have to be prepared not to be able to get it back. Otherwise, life would be miserable it keeps worrying you. Treat is as a windfall once you get back your loan. lol.
1 person likes this
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
1 Aug 07
I tend to trust people alot. When I was in high school I lent this girl some money, and she graduated and never gave it back to me. I mean it wasn't that much money or anything, and i didn't really need it. But she never mentioned it to me or told me that she couldn't give it back to me at least. I mean if she would have told me that she didn't have money to give it back to me i wouldn't have cared but she just never mentioned it again. I just don't tend to trust people that much anymore after that.
3 people like this
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
2 Aug 07
No—just politely tell her that you cannot afford to lend that amount to her- You just found her again and she doesn’t live close- sounds kind of fishy to me- I’d have to say no- unless you have so much extra money and you don’t care if you ever get it back- Lending money to friends is a tough one- I mean I would if they were close friends—but not someone who keeps asking and the only contact I have is by computer- Your call though- but be careful.
1 person likes this
@Bar3000 (57)
• Israel
1 Aug 07
Just forget about it! If you have doubts she will pay you back then don't give her the money! You are not Bill Gates. I think you check how reliable this freind of yours is and what does she need the money for... Is she working currently. Has she any means of returning the money to you. If not then I guess you politely tell her that can't give her money. Unless of course if she is a very good friend who you know would have givven anything for you. I have some friends and family I would give monet to without ever asking for it back. Do your colculations and see how important is it really for her to given that money.
Hope you make the right dicision.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
1 Aug 07
I would tell her that you are not in a position now nor will be in the foreseeable future to lend her any money. and to please not ask again, You are not a bank nor a lending institution and that is what she is counting on you to give her money. this is not the act of a friend this is some one who is desperate, and is treating you like a last resort. Do not go for it,there are too many miles and to much time between you to take the risk. If she was a good risk I am sure there would be people a lot closer to her for her to ask. No this sounds like you will get scammed, and you will have no way of getting your money back ever.
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
1 Aug 07
Do not lend her money it seems she just wants to use you !
1 person likes this
@littlemissh (235)
•
1 Aug 07
i wouldn't because you know the person she used to be not the person she is now so shes probably not a close friend. Also you need this money yourself so why should you miss out because of her. Secondly although a good friend may ask to borrow money a true one would only ask once and respect your decision it sounds like she is trying to bully you into it and wear you down so eventually you say yes. Stand firm and tell her there is no way you can lend her the money and for the sake of your friendship could she please not ask you again because it makes you feel uncomfortable. It is possible she will stop talking to you but if that is the case you don't need friends like that. stand firm.
@shadaab491987 (181)
• India
1 Aug 07
I still have a nightmare.
Once i had lend some money to one of my friends
all he did was never even said a word about giving it back to me. If the amount would had been some hundreds it would had been fine but he owed me 6000 thousand rupees(INDIAN Curreny) all i could do was wait for him to give it back now its almost 6 years but nothing has changed. Now he dosent even talk to me .
we are no more Friends.
@wilykat (13)
• Philippines
1 Aug 07
I do have that problem and it never go away. I had an office colleague before that until now from time to time would ask for money that I had to turn her down from my experience with her. I'm soft on people when they ask monetary assistance even if I don't have much either as long as I could feel they really need it badly. I don't even bother to remind them to pay me but I do assume they should and those who do remember will always be vendicated but for those who are irresponsible will never get another chance.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
19 May 08
Ms. Zelmark, your problem is so easy to solve. Tell her pointblank that you are not in the financial position to lend her money and tell her that she should stop bugging you about this because any further insistence will lead to nothing. In the first place, she is so far from you and how could she has the guts to borrow from money from you and not from her other friends who are not that far. Maybe she already lost her credibility, so beware. Don't be ashame to reject people like them. Don't make a problem out of this kind of situation. The only real problem is that if you lend the money and then you don't get paid. Now if you are not really sure why this person is borrowing from you and what is the assurance that she will pay you back then why take chance. Reject him!
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
1 Aug 07
well the thing is make it a policy to not loan money to freind s for they will turn around and say it was a gift I dont know why it is so hard to get money back from friends that you have loaned money too but ti is. and for sure I wouldnt loan her money as it seems like youwont get it back just tell her you dont want to break you frienship by loaning her money that you dont loan money to friends!
@okwusman1 (2247)
• Abuja, Nigeria
1 Aug 07
yes, i would let her borrow money. you shouldn't borrow an amount of money you cannot afford to give willingly to somebody. you should be ready to forfeit to a borrower the amount you are borrowing incase of default otherwise don't borrow.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
1 Aug 07
If I were you, I would not lend money to so-so acquaintances. I will lend it to my best friends who are reliable. We have a saying in China, 'it is easy to lend money, but hard to get it back.' Therefore I seldom ask my friends to borrow money. If I had to, I would only ask my best ones and I would try my best to return it to them as soon as possible to make my friends think that I am a reliable friend.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
1 Aug 07
nope, think you should stand firm on not lending her the money. unless you have spare cash and can forgo the return of this loan. doesn't sound like you do, since you jsut paid your mum for your home. and also doesn't sound like she is likely to pay you back.
my rule of thumb is, if i can afford to give away this amount of money, and i think she needs it badly enough, then i might do it. but if not, then i wouldn't. we all have our own responsibilities and sometimes they have to sort out and take charge of their own.
@michaeldadona (5684)
• Malaysia
1 Aug 07
....means you are telling to mylot friends that you're the good bank to public. Anybody can borrow and will never return. Better close your bank before it going insolvents.
Your have fallen into unnecessary sincere. Help yourself before you give help to others.....UNLESS....your are the kid's of Zillionaire.....spending a million like spending a dime/pence.
JUST CLOSE YOUR BANK, ITS GETTING INSOLVENT.
@doweili (12)
• Singapore
1 Aug 07
If i were you , i would not be even deciding whether to lend her or not. Just politely refuse her again , another rejection won't do much harm too. she can always get a loan from either a legal money lender or her family members.cheers.
There are always alot of people who would always delay payments giving many excuses. Do not fall into those traps again =)
