why would the person who claims to love and care for you begin to pull you down?
By aikastacruz
@aikastacruz (187)
Philippines
August 3, 2007 3:19am CST
even if your boyfriend begins your relationship the sweetes, and most uplifting and complimentary partner, eventually the compliments will dry up, only to be replaced by criticisms.. they'll start to criticizing the way you look, the way you dress, and the way you do things or you character rather.. any insecurity that you have they'll seem to sniff out and will begin to compare your flaws with the perfection of celebrities, people walking down the street or even your friends, family or whoever..
your partner might also begin to tell you that no one else will be better for you except him..why would the person who claims to love and care for you begin to do this? maybe because they dont really love you? well no one can say they really dont unless they'd say it to personally.
boyfriends are so insecure and self hatred that they try to elliminate your self-worth in order to feel they are superior than you.. they mentally abuse you because thats what they wanna do.. our feelings dont matter that much to them, what matters is 'theirs'..
the loss of self esteem would really compels you to stay.. thats life. thats love (for them)..
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!personally, love is not for me.. understandable and now accepted!
3 people like this
11 responses
@kming52 (280)
• China
3 Aug 07
It is obvious that you've met some conflicts and you may feel frustrated and anoyed.There is no need to exaggerate about the bad feelings.Time is required ,and both of you should calm down firstly while sperated at best.I hope you could learn how to commucate with and understand each other more efficently but abusively.Best wishes
@aikastacruz (187)
• Philippines
3 Aug 07
i love what you've just said, thats what i was telling him.. talk nicely.. calm manner and communicate well.. but thats not happening.. i dunno how id convince him to calm down and talk to me nicely,.. so that we'd understand everything that we're going through.. sometimes, he'sa bit stubborn and just dont wanna listen to me..
but guys, i love him and i know he also do love me.. i think we're just afraid of losing each other
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
4 Aug 07
What you describe isn't love. Love is when two people care about each other and celebrate each other's accomplishments and successes. It isn't competition and dragging each other down. I had a relationship like yours and it was very destructive. I lost my self esteem and could never do anything right it seemed. Then I realized, if he really loved me, he would love who I AM not who he wanted me to be.
I went on to marry a man who to this day loves me for me. And sometimes I am not easy to love. We are happy for each other when something good happens and we are proud of each other. It's not a bed of roses but just knowing you have the unconditional support of someone is so comforting. When you feel that, you will know it is love.
The things you are describing sound like insecurity and immaturity (and that can be at any age). Don't give up on love. Just give up on taking crap from guys who try to bring you down! You're worth more than that and I think you know it.
Hugs.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
4 Aug 07
This matter has occured to me recently, I cannot understand though why this things happen. I guess as time goes on, both will get used to the usual and look for another way to thik or talk about. It is one's fault and not the other, if they could just hang on to love and not look more further on what they have then life could've been easier for the two.
It's always good to have a talk about it, ask one another's expectations over the other then lower down each one's pride and then adjust so issues can be settled..
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
4 Aug 07
Well, I don't,know how old you are but I hope you change your mind as you find out not all guys are like that. I really feel as you get older, most guys are not like that. I know I'm not.
By the way, as far as compliments dreying up and is replaced by critisizm - woman do that too.
@kevsgirlalways (5883)
• Malaysia
3 Aug 07
maybe he forgot what makes him attracted to you in the first place? because you guys understand each other and are so close, he probably tends to take you for granted. i don't know why someone would say that no one else will be better for you except him. lol. maybe because he thinks that you love him so much and can't live without him and hope that you won't ever leave him or something like that. if the person you love causes you to have low confidence about yourself, then the relationship is not healthy. the person who loves you won't ever put you down or let you feel so lowly about yourself, but will just accept you as who you are, in spite of all the flaws.
@r00tkiller (51)
• Macedonia
3 Aug 07
of course it happens but maybe you can find boyfriend who wont do it to you? maybe you have to say:"Stop doing it i hate it!"
@neon2000 (2756)
• Philippines
3 Aug 07
I guess your boyfriend is so insecure. I also think that he wants to love you for what he wants you to be and not for being what you are. Why? He is becoming unreasonable and when a peson is becoming like that, it is not true love he feels because if he loves you, what is good for you and what to please you should be his main concern.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
3 Aug 07
The way people think is very complicated, I don't think anyone will ever understand the workings of peoples mind and heart...a relationship is always good at the start and it always cools a little as it goes by that is expected but what you describe sounds very much like he is feeling very insecure and feels a need to bring you down a little but it is exactly what will drive you away...affairs of the heart are just too complicated for me, I have thought many times in my life if it is all worth it....
@vinney_143 (662)
• India
3 Aug 07
hope, your very much hurt by your boyfriend... i feel sorry for you..! ;(
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
3 Aug 07
I suggest that you just leave your boyfriend. I don't think he loves you truly. To me, if a person really love somebody, he will accept her no matter how many weaknesses she has. I am married for almost nine years now, and I have found many weaknesses in my husband. However, I understand that no person is perfect in this world. I have my own weaknesses too. So I learned how to give and take. Be kind to each other, and accept each other's flaws and learn to love their weaknesses. It works for me because I love my husband very much.
So, personally I don't think your boyfriend is the best man for you. You deserve a better person than him. I am sure you can find another guy who really loves you for what you are. You are beautiful, I can see it in your avatar, and no one could ever resist such a beautiful woman like you. Plus if you show you pure and kind heart to the world, you will get a replacement in no time.
Have faith, and good luck. I hope you'll enjoy life and be happy. Have a nice day!
@madzie09 (278)
• Philippines
3 Aug 07
a phrase for that is... "don't let them manipulate you" You and only you knows what's best for you....the reason why you're affected is because you let them manipulate you when you shouldn't have...did you ever thought the idea of a true person who loves you is suppose to be accepting of who you really are? and not who they want you to be? This is you, a person with your own personality not their doll or robot...love is for everyone..it has no exceptions. If you just be open and positive on life despite of it's flaws..right now if your really hurt and feeling betrayed give yourself a time to heal...just don't end up to some conclusions you might end up chewing in the end.....it's still a long journey and maybe just maybe it's not time yet to find your "love"....as what they say "you may have to kiss a thousand of wrong frogs until you find your prince"...they're not just quotes..they can actually inspire.. :)
