Send home because of his tantrum!
By lvmybz
@lvmybz (125)
United States
August 6, 2007 1:01am CST
Last thrusday my son's school called my husband from home and said he was having a tantrum and screaming for 30 min. straight. The school thought he might be sick or something, so my husband picked him up. Then for some reason my mother in law wanted to take him out to eat. When they got to the restraunt he was fine, then my husband said he started acting up.He began throwing his food. He would back up into people at the next booth. I guess they were sharing a booth. When my husband told him to stop, he lost it. He ran screaming in the restruant, rolling under other peoples tabe. When my husband said he picked him up, my son bite him on the shoulder. He also said he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Everbody in the restraunt stopped what they were doing and looked at my child. My mother in law took him out in the stroller so my husband could finish eating with my other son. He said our son was screaming at the top of his lungs and did not stop until they got in the car.
I was in complete shock when I heard this. My son does have tanrums, but my husband said this was the worst he as ever seen it. I wasn't there but I was shaking when I heard this story. Also he has not done well at all in the summer school program. He has the same teacher and one of his aides from the regular school year. His teacher tells me he as been crying a lot and gets really mad and screams if he has to do a structred activity such as sorting. They say he just wants to be left alone. He does have to be at school at 7:30 instead of 8:45 during the school year. I am also upset because the aide in the summer really liked my son, she said my son was one of her favorites. Lately his teacher seems to be indifferent towards him. She doesn't smile when she sees him and seems to be annoyed when I bring him. I suppose I can't blame her if all he does is scream all day. I think I am to blame for some of his bad behaviors. I have been very upset that he is screaming at school and throwing tantrums at school and at home. I don't know what to do. I can't really communicate with him. On Wednesday night. I told him he cannot have any tanrums or scream at school, I was very angry when I said this. Then because I don't think I get through to him, I very stupidly said if you throw a tanrum I will kill you. I am to ashamed and much too embrassed to tell his school or my husband, but I believe that is why he had such a major melt down as school. Thanks for reading, sorry it is so long.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@helpingmomsathome (88)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Boy, sounds like my life!!! My son (age 5) got in trouble at school a couple times last year for temper tantrums. He would cry for no apparent reason for 30 minutes or more. The director would call for me to come get him. I am totally clueless as to what to do. We've tried talking to him, punishing, grounding, threatened spankings and nothing works. We've tried everything that anyone has suggested to us. I completely sympathize with you!
My mother-in-law tells me that he's just having a bad day, but he's got to learn it's not acceptable to throw temper tantrums. He can go to his room and cry, scream, whatever as long as he doesn't hurt himself or others.
I don't know what to do - he starts full-time Kindergarten this year and I'm worried he'll do it again. If you get any ideas I'd love to hear them also!
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Hi, just curious is your son also on the spectrum? It is very frustrating because we usually don't know what brings on his tantrums. It seems to be when we tell him not to do inappropiate things. Such as jumping on the booth at a restraunt. I really don't like yelling or spanking my child when he has tantrums, although I have in the past. I have lost my temper and end up doing or saying something I should not have. I know you are suppose to stay calm and to be firm. I just wish he could stop throwing tantrums. It sounds like you have been going through what I have. I guess we will have to hang in there and keep reading more post for any ideas.
@helpingmomsathome (88)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Our doctors won't say even consider it, they say he's just being a kid. My son's teacher and the school's director have suggested I get him check out for autism. It's hard when my doctor only sees him for 10-15 minutes and totally dismissed everything I say and his teacher says and we see him all the time. I'm glad there are other kids and parents going through similar situations.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Hello again, I would really suggest going on austism speaks website to see if your son has any of the signs of autism. The biggest red flag for me was his way of commucating. He would mostly talk in familar phrases, such as if we were going somewhere he would say lets go in the silver car. He would not answer questions like what is your name and how old are you even at 3. Although now he is better about saying his name when you ask him. Also he doesn't answer yes or no questions. Another red flag for us was when he developed fears. For a while he was deathly afaird of public bathrooms especially the hand dyer. We don't know what triggered it because he use to love going into the bathroom. Luckily now he has gotten over that fear. I don't know your son, but I would strongly recomend getting him evaluated for autism. He might be fine, but if there is a problem it is very important he get the service he needs. I hope all is well and keep in touch if you need to.
@RCook04 (4)
• United States
24 Sep 07
Sounds like your son may be getting sensory overload at school right now. First thing, sounds like you guys need to get some counseling to learn to deal with this situation. IT IS VERY HARD! My daughter is also almost 5 and I get so severely frustrated I have to leave her with my husband and go, anywhere just go for a few hours. What state are you guys in?
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
25 Sep 07
My son is back at his regular school and his teachers tell me he is doing better he doesn't have any tantrums at school. He still does at home, but I am learning a new way to deal with it such as ignoring it and leaving the room. Maybe for some reason he didn't like the summer program school. We are from Vegas how about you?
@RCook04 (4)
• United States
25 Sep 07
We're in CA. We went through all the same stuff before Jo was diagnosed. I was ready to pull my hair out. When they gave me the diagnosis it was almost a relief, at least I wasn't crazy or a bad parent. Now I still have moments but I know when I', reaching tht point and I can put her in her room (safe room) and close the door and scream into a pillow or something. I commend you for asking for help, it took me a long time to do that.
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
6 Aug 07
When my son was in 4th standard, almost 2 complaints a week of some quarrel, some problem. I told my wife that the matter has to be handled carefully and without giving any punishment, I told my son that he need not go to school since he is troubling other children. For 3 days, we did not allow him to school and from 4th day, he was ready to school, promising that nothing untoward would happen. We even showed him the application for boarding school. This has worked and now we have no problem. We also ensure that all he is at peace in the morning before leaving for school and express our love and affection.
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
7 Aug 07
You may be having some perks like buying some toffees, chocolates, potato chips, coke, ice creams, buying a new type of eraser, scale, or some school stationery including bag. For giving any of these things, you take a promise of good behaviour or orderly living. With great amount of patience and persistence, I feel children can be brought on the track.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
6 Aug 07
You don't say how old your son is, but since he goes in a stroller, I'm assuming that he must be fairly young. If that's the case, it might be a simple case of him being overly tired which would definitely bring on a tantrum. He might be missing a nap and maybe he doesn't get that in the summer program.
However, the fact that he gets frustrated with sorting and other activities might be a signal that something else is going on. You might want to get him checked out, but check with his pediatrician first. He should probably have a hearing test and be tested for speech for any delays. Any of these things can cause frustration and tantrums. At the very least, try not to react to harshly although I know you must be frustrated too. Try offering rewards for good behavior in the summer program like stickers or other treats. If the tantrums persist also ask his pediatrician to be checked for any food allergies which can impact behavior as well. Good luck to you.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
7 Aug 07
My child is 4 1/2 I know that sound old to be in a stroller, but I also have a 16 month old and I use double stroller to go places with them. Althoug my 4 1/2 does pretty good walking to. He does not take naps, but I do believe he was tired. Today we took him to the dentist, no cavities or any thing like that. He did give us some advice on other issues that might be going on. Perhaps he does have a food allergry to milk or something.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I'm sorry if you have told us in another post but there are so many on here it is hard to keep everyone's story straight. Has your son already been diagnosed with something? How old is he?
Please don't blame yourself. from the sounds of it you are under alot of stress and have been dealing with a lot. We ALL say things that we don't mean when we are upset and angry. We are human. Don't beat yourself up over it. I know...easier said than done...but don't. It is obvious that you love your son and just want to do what is best for him. Hug your son and tell him that you are sorry and did not mean what you said. Kids are very forgiving.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
7 Aug 07
My son is 4 1/2 and has been diagnosed with autism as of march 2006. I know we are human and we say things we don't mean when we are angry. He is my special little guy and he doesn't need his mom to lose control nor to make him fear me. I really appreciate your response, i did tell my son I was sorry. He needs me.
@Daelin (683)
• Brazil
7 Aug 07
Never threat your kid if you can't go until the end with the threat. You will not kill him and he does that, so it is a empty threat.
The best thing to do is to leave him alone when he is acting this way. Don't say anything, don't touch him, don't give the attention he is wanting.
At some point you can tell him that when he stops he can come to you and you can talk to him.
Give him attention only for good things, never for bad behavior.
Don't feel embarrassed about the school. They are used to this. The teacher is trained to deal with that.
I don't know your kids age but if he is younger than four it is useless to tell him how he has to behave in the future.
You have to act at the moment, not say the child he must behave in a certain in the future.
Good luck!
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
8 Aug 07
You are right I should never threaten my child. I know I need to be careful on what I say. Of course I would never hurt my child I just feel very ashamed of what I said to him. Also I do agree that I should follow through on a punishment. He should only get attention for good behavior and not for bad.
@calico79 (173)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Dont worry! Your son is most likely normal. There may be something bothering him. Try spending some one on one time with him and see if he will talk to you about what is bothering him. Maybe he had a run in with the teacher and hasnt gotten over it. You should punish your son though when he does wrong. Everyone has different methods of punishment. Children need to be taught that there are consiquences in life to their decisions that they make. They wont learn that if you dont punish them in some way. I dont recommend telling your son that you will kill him. That may make him afraid of you and then you will not have a good relationship with him. You may want to apologize for telling him that, and let him know that you really love him.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Thank you for responding. Your are so right about needing to aplogizing to my son for that horrible remark I made to him. I know saying these things to my child will cause him to be afaird of me, so I did apoloize to him. And told him I love him very much. My son is not able to tell us his feeling or if something is wrong. We mostly have to put the pieces of the puzzle together ourselves.
@mermaid911 (798)
• Philippines
6 Aug 07
Hey, this is a normal thing with kids. They do have a certain stage in which we really do not understand their erratic behavior. I will not explain to you why your son was acting in such manner because this is really different. There are times that children just feel like they don't want to do things. They might be in need of attention or something. I've handled kids in school who cried for half an hour but I just let him cry until it was time for him to go home. I was also surprised because he wasn't normally like that. I think he was just acting out or there was something he wanted. The thing with kids is that you can easily shift their attention to something. That's exactly what I did and I was able to stop him from crying. Just give him some extra attention these days. That is the only way they can express their emotions -- through tantrums. This will come to pass. Don't worry. Just don't repeat saying the killing thing because this will have lasting effects. Just make up for it but not too much to cause jealousy from his siblings. Good luck.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
7 Aug 07
OMG your are absolutely right about the horrible statement I made to my child about killing. I know our children can't express and explain what they are feeling and going through. Perhaps his tantrum is a way for him to get attention. I will keep working on it.
