Trust & Arranged Marriages

"IS IT OK TO DECIDE IN 4-5 MEETINGS THAT THE MAN/WOMAN IS THE RIGHT LIFE PARTNER??" Depends on what you mean. For who is it to be OK? Is that the man getting married, the community, her family? Or is it for the woman herself? To my knowledge arranged marriages were common in most societies back in the dark ages but they persist in some backward societies. These marriages are contracted to seal alliances or forge them and are done without much input from the woman, if any. Such societies usually if not always value and demand female chastity, virginity at marriage and obedience and when some or all of the above are not present, negative consequences occur for the woman. I don't believe in arranged marriages in general and I wouldn't think that it would be a good idea to decide on the basis of a few meetings to marry someone, or worse to let someone else decide for you...

trust is important in any relationship.. be it friends, married couple, sisters, child & parent...u cnat trust anyone in the first meeting.. but trust can grow as u spend more time with eachother.. and by the deeds of the other.. so trust is something u have to earn by ur actions..

Well in my opnion I have to say that it takes more than 4-5 meetings/dates to know if you can fully trust someone. It really takes a life time to truly be able to know if you can trust someone. My husband and I have been married for 7yrs now and we are still learning to trust eachother.

I agree with you completely that you can't know someone that you just met . Trusting someone takes time and getting to know the person to see if you have anything in common and how you both feel on different idea's . I think it takes awhile to get to know someone to know if you are going to make a good match or not and even doing this doesn't give you a gurarntee as we see lots of times where others thought they were very much in love only to fall out of love years later because they didn't know each other as well as they thought or one person changed where the other didn't .

First of all i do not believe in arranged marriages,but i do understand that there are some cultures that practice this so i will try and be open minded here.I feel trust is very important,and in order to trust someone you have to know that person very well,and its impossible to know that person in just a few meetings.it takes time and experience with that person to fully trust them.I do agree that arranged marriages trusting someone is not easy and i would not put any trust in then fully until i truely knew them.You are being cauious and thats a smart move on your part.There are a lot of scam artist.liars and cheats out there in the world that has to be watched.So i would suggest to you that if you are in an arranged marriage you proceed with caution and learn about this person from experience only.Good luck to you dear.

You should let people decide who they wanna choose

I very much understand you case. In my country also there are arranged marriages. I also think one should marry only if you lie the person and also have complete trust. One should never get married just for the sake of marrying. I think its areal gamble. Even if you meet someone , say for 4-5 times also, there is every possibility you still can't understand him completely. As a girl this tension is more as i am too a girl and i feel the same. Best of luck.

Preet! Hi! You will have to judge the person in an arranged marriage with your own experience, circumstances and intution in 4-5 minutes. It is said that it is like a gamble for life.......which is played by most of us. You cannot escape the possibility of being cheated, if you are going for an arranged marriage. But you do not have any other option...you cannot know a person in one day...four, five or say twenty meetings. when you start living with your partner... then only you start knowing real he/she...but at that time...you cannot change your partner...you cannot go back. (Love marriages have different angles...so love marraiges cannot be compared with the arranged marriage) and always remember one thing...'No one is perfect'...nor you neither I....so we will have to accommodate our partner with his/her negative and positive traits. I would say - Have faith, belief and trust upon yourself..... I wish...you should get a suitable and faithful partner in your life...it is your own perception...which is going to decide your partner's faithfulness to you. best of luck to you! Deepak

You know my friend i always had this type of fear in my mind when i was unmarried.As i didn't find anyone to match my thinking & my abilities myself the work of choosing partner was left to my parents.They really did a very hard work & ultimately the person i choose for marriage has been really ideal for me.I must be lucky but i trusted my instincts.I didn't give too much importance to money or a hi fi career .But i gave importance to the man his moral values,honesty,his family & his thinking .How he respects a woman ,elders as well as treats the poors.This way you can judge a person.& Now i must say i have been blessed with the most wonderful,handsome husband in the world with equally good in laws.My husband has given me full freedom .& really he trusts me a lot & i too trust him.We do have our own space but have full faith.There is no ego or jealosy between us.All this negativities really ruin a relationship.If you trust others then only others will trust you.Remamber that.

From my experience I just have to say against arranged marriages. After all it is the boy and the girl who have to look together. They should see each other and be satisfied with all information provided to them and be satisfied.

Dear Touch and Shine .... I feel Trust is something that has to be developed and u have to keep on nurturing it. If yu say that yu trust somebody and show yr trust for the person .. the person will do his or her best not to break yr trust.. Rest is all in the hands of God i feel.

Can you really understand a person even after a year or so - very difficult to say - many arranged marriages have been more successful than love ones. It is a question of luck and your destiny - you are lucky if you find your soul mate or some finds one for you.

Hi touchnshine! I agree that trust is one of the foundation of a good and sound relationship. And I do agree that trust is not that easy, most of the time you have to earn that. In arranged marriages, you actually put your trust on the people who fixed the marriage, like for example the elders and the parents and in accepting that arranged marriage, you put your trust to your partner-to-be in the hope that he or she will end up being trustworthy. In my opinion, I can't really know for sure that within 4-5 meetings I would be able to decide that he is the one for me. This is just my view...Have a nice day. Take care.

I've read your 5 paragraph of texts thoroughly so that I can get the meanings of those texts for this discussion. OK. If you are talking about TRUST it means the followings; firm belief in someone or something, acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation, the state of being responsible for someone or something. So if you TRUST your partner/boy/man, so 'he is a man in a position of trust'. Cheating is different issue because it related to attitude of that particular person. And it takes time to verify cheating cases between partners until there is an obvious 'prove of cheat'. Back to your last question, well it is not OK and very impracticable as well to decide in 4-5 meetings that the man/woman is the right life partner.

Trust develops after understanding... If you can't trust don't enter into a relationship..