Shold a child be privy to family discussions?

When I was a child, I remember I was always told to go outside or to another room when adults are discussing something. Only when I was in my late teenage years when I was allowed to join my parents or relatives' discussions. I guess they have discerned that I am already in the right age to relate to the situation or at least handle whatever I will hear or say. I am not a parent so I think I am not in the position to suggest something in your case. The paragraph above is just to tell you what my parents did. I hope it will help.

I was never involved in family discussions, none of the children in the family were. Mom and dad always used to set time aside when we were gone to bed (bed time was 9 PM until you were 15 years old then it increased by an hour each year until you were 18 and then you made your own bed time). Mom and dad would stay up and have a coffee/tea together out in the kitchen and I think that was their time together to unwind, relax, and talk. At the time we were young and didn't realize. We just knew it was bed time. As we grew up we found out it was parental discussion time and that's how it remained. We did have "family discussion" which included ALL kids and all ages. We would sit at the table on a Wednesday night and each of us would get our time to speak. We would discuss everything from homework and choores, to extra curriculars, babysitting, etc... We would also be able to discuss any beefs we had with the other kids at this time too. Please keep in mind that I had 3 siblings but my parents also fostered 5 children and we had 3 cousins living with us too. BIG family. My parents would not discuss their family finances not matter what age we were. Also, when visitors came over, us kids would go into the living room and watch tv or more than likely we'd be outside playing (we were like wild monkeys hanging from trees at all hours of the night until mom would call us back in the house for supper). But we knew that when mom and dad had company we were quiet-as quiet as 12 children can be. We would only go out to the kitchen/dining room when we REALLY had to.

I believe this depends on what topic is being discussed , if he is old enough to hear what you are talking about but you would know what he could or could not handle and what he shoudln't hear because of his age but as he gets older then he would be able to participate even more but if you and your husband are fighting then I don't believe he should be a part of this only because this will scare him as he won't understand why you are fighting and will feel bound to pick a side when he shouldn't have to pick sides when it comes to parents . But as his parent you should be a pretty good judge on your own child and I woudln't worry about how you are doing things , there is no where that you have indicated that it seems to be affecting him so I would keep going with your own instincts as each parent knows their own child better then anyone else and each parent can have different idea's about what their child should and should not know and the truth is none of them are wrong as their is no rule book on how to raise our children so their is no right or wrong way to do this unless your child was being hurt somehow .

I'm thinking it can't be good. You don't say how old your child is. When children are involved too much in personal matters such as what you mentioned they take on the stress as an adult. Also they tend to repeat things they hear at home and often they repeat them wrong or percieve things differently than how they really are. money matters? well I have always been honest in telling my girls that we can't afford certain things...they know we are not well off but I don't discuss my stress and worrying about paying the bills etc....they don't need that added stress in their lives.

Well i am not a parent but if the discussion is clean and will not worry the child, i think it is important to involve the child in discussios, this will helphim socialise and the child will not feel 'left out' from not being allowed to be involved with their parents discussions. It my make the child feel 'less important' in the household and it is not nice to feel 'left out' in your own family, believe me, i know. I also agree that the child is part of the family and he/she has a right to be involved to a certain extent.

I understand how you feel. As for me I think it's good and ok if your child is there when u having discussion with your spouce. This will help him to open his mind and make him to think and understand what you discussing but ofcourse the child wont be giving you any kind of opinions but it will make him to know how about his family and surroundings. Moreover, he won't feel left alone. Having discussion with raised voice should be avoided when your child is around. As you know the kids easily absorb whatever they see or hear. Therefore, its always better to have a decent conversation even its a serious matters when your child is around it will help to educate him indirectly. I'm sure you want him to be the best for both of you so both of you.. give him the best of you.

May be discussing finaces and grievances could be the topics the child can be kept out of maybe visits if positively being discussed should be the thing child can be involved in to. Kids are sensetive and I agree the conversations do stay with them and there's always a chance of their blurting out something in front of others and that could be embarrassing. They tend to copy adult behavior and style unconciously so its best to watch your tongue while speaking in front of the kids. I remember as a kid I heard my parents joking to each other about who will die first. Both of them wanting to be the first ones. I spoke to my cousine just a year old to me about it and she said who do you think should go first and then both of us excersied our seven and eight year old brains that led us to believe that okay mom should go first as father is more important as I can may be learn to cook(like they show in movies) and fahter can continue to bring money home as that part seemed a bit difficult to us. I still smile when I remember that discussion with my cousine. Still that day was a very tense evening for us. Imagine tyhe guilt I felt as my father passed away few years later. Somewhere I thought may be We wished so thats why God punished us. That is why I always feel may be we can spare our kids that guilt and that stress if we can keep them away from such stressful discussions.

I think that it's a good idea to involve them to a degree. But you should try to keep it positive. Sleeping arrangements when a family member is coming to visit or where to go on vacation. Maybe even on where to cut back if you need to save some money. But if it's something that could be frightening (like the possibility of losing your home), those are the kind of discussions that the child shouldn't be privy to.