Some advice needed
By mommaofgirls
@mommaofgirls (6)
United States
August 8, 2007 7:57am CST
I have a serious problem with my in-laws. They have no respect for me or my husband. They treat our children like they aren't as special as others. They expect us to do everything for them, but they can't lift a finger for us. We are branded the bad guys, because we don't spend every day with them. They always want us to go over to their house, but they can't come to ours. When we go to the bar with them, they pressure us to drink, and when we say no they get angry. My mother-in-law is famous for her late night drunken phone calls to our house. She has even called us at 1:30 in the morning to play a joke on us. Their world revolves around the bar and alcohol. They seem to think that we can't go out with them and not get drunk. My sister-in-law and I do not get along at all. And I don't think we ever will. Her fiance has some bad history with my family and I don't respect him one bit. She seems to think that everyone has to love him and respect him or else she'll disown them. Yet, she treats me like crap all the time. She blames me for not getting to see her brother or her nieces and nephew, when she's the one who refuses to make an effort to see them.
What I want to know is this. Am I being selfish to think that my husband and I don't need to make them happy all the time? But that we need to do whatever it is that makes us happy? I've just gotten to the point where I don't want to see my in-laws anymore. I want nothing to do with them. They are horrible, selfish, back-stabbing people and I can't deal with it anymore. I don't feel like I should give them all this respect when I'm not getting any respect from them. I believe it is a two-way street.
Any advice would be appreciated. I don't want my husband to lose his family, but I do want his family to start respecting us and accept the fact that we are a package deal. I go along with my husband and our children go along with us.
Thanks for listening!
2 people like this
8 responses
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Aug 07
Do you want your husband and your kids to be influenced by these types of people?
For me, if I were in your shoes, I'd rather cut-off communication with them. I mean, they're no good. They're not doing anything that would make them productive and would make your kids and your family better anyways. Yes, I'd go to their house once in a while but not when they're drunk. If they don't show me respect then they don't have my respect either. I don't care what they'd do, as long as they keep themselves away from my family.
You're not being selfish. You're being a good mom and a parent. So that your mother-in-law couldn't call in the middle of the night, install the answering machine. Or better yet, change numbers.
If you have to, go away from them as far as you can, or keep yourself busy and successful. You can live without relatives specially if the relatives are like them.
I know you don't want your husband to lose his family. But the question is, would you rather lose yours?
Good luck. And hope you'll not be influenced by those people. Don't let them drag you down. They're losers.
=)
1 person likes this
@amber_rhys (100)
• Philippines
8 Aug 07
you need to beware to them... u may think of it if you need to listen or see all the things that they did which you got hurt...
1 person likes this
@fn187zbabe (174)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I think your exactly right. It is a two way street. To me it sounds like your inlaws have never really grown up. I don't think your husband should lose his family but I think he should tell someone in his family how your family feels. He isn't a child anymore and can voice his own opinions. If They cannot respect your family, and thats the choice they want to make, then you have done all you could. You don't have to make them feel happy. It also sounds to me that unless they are drunk they aren't happy with themselves. That is not good behavior for your children to be around either. Good luck to you and I hope things get better one way or another.
1 person likes this
@alpha7 (1910)
• France
9 Aug 07
Hi,
May i say that you are a woman of great value,my own special advice for you if you truly love your family is to arrange for a transfer or live very far away from them.Remember that no matter what you do,you can never satisfy someone that does not have respect for you.
However,money answereth all things.
@celovich (26)
• United States
9 Aug 07
I'm glad to know that Im not the only person who strongly dislikes my husband's family members. Its a very difficult situation to be in when your inlaws make you miserable, but your husband still wants to be around them. You are definitely not being selfish, but rather human. I think that's why there are so many jokes about in-laws. Honestly, if my husbands mother called me all the time drunk, I'd let her have a piece of my mind. Just remember that you love your husband very much, and he probably loves his family very much. Unfortunately, being with him kind of means being with his family. I dont go out of my way to talk to my husband's rude father, but when Im around him, I still greet him with a smile on my face. My husband knows I don't like his father, but it makes all the difference that I try. At the end of the day, if all else fails, just remember that it was your husband that you fell in love with and married, NOT his family. So try not to fret too much. Its even kind of comical if you try and think about how crazy his family really is. Just love your husband, and try and not to sweat the rest. I hope this helps some!
@sangeetaD (24)
• India
24 Aug 07
Many of us have been inthe same boat as you.
Please go for a change of mind-set. Think that they do not deserve you, you are better off without them.
Any relationship takes alot of effort to keep it going, and such as yours with ILs will always go downhill as there is no respect, fear or appreciation. Take it from me, any of the three factors work. The loss is theirs not yours.
Opt out before it gets further bitter.
@vankae (447)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I so sorry to hear this, but I understand your situation, I was married for 27 years and seperated the divorce the last 7 yrs of the marriage, It will be you husband who need to handle this situation, hopefully by bible principle, that nothing come before god, than next ones spouse, then kids, and family. I know that this is the cause of my break-up, jealous family member eventually won. I hope this does not happen to you. A divided household don't stand. Bottom line your in-laws need to get a life. Socialize when you can, and when you can't don't feel bad. This is you and your husband life, and you have the right to socialize or not. don't let any one make you feel bad.
@nemesis1 (98)
• India
9 Aug 07
hi there,
i have two ladies here who have exactly the same problem as you!
so i think, what you should do is let your in-laws live there own life! you live your own!
only obligation here is your husband, whatever your feelings are, only if he respects them, you are going to be happy in your life! if your husband thinks the same as you, you can kick your in-laws a**es and live happily!
