Do you really think its my fault?

i don't think you are doing anything wrong. i'm kind of in a similar situation. i haven't been with my daughter's dad for almost 4 years now and she is 4. but i don't talk bad about him but i don't like to talk about him at all. but when my daughter asks about him and says stuff i feel like i have to stick up for him and i hate having to talk him up to keep their relationship good. anyway i think he needs to do his part to make the relationship better but i'd also not want my children to hate their dad, until they are way older and can decide if they want to have anything to do with them on their own. so i'd probably still try to help bridge the cap a little but i'd let the dad know he needs to be more responsible to fix the problems then you. good luck

assuming you are a housewife, my suggestion would be to handle the circumstances you are, in a very delicate way. You should plan your husband off day in such a way that all of your kids & your husband have a great time at home or outside. You are the only person who can create such an environment. Everything is in your hands.

Yes what you think is correct but from your hubby part it is also a point but ask him whether it is necessary for to do double jobs and if atall you find the other job not so important theh withdraw it and what i think is happiness,feelings of kids and kids are the most important and precious in the world than others,so all the best.

Your husband needs to make more of an effort with the children as one day he is going to turn around and they are going to be grown and they are not going to have time for him . I am sure he loves them and he loves you but it is not your job to make sure that everything runs smoothly on his day off . This should be the day he spends time with his family and is happy about it , not mean and cranky . He is the one choosing to work two jobs and the truth is that money is nice but family is worth so much more .

It's not your fault. It sounds to me like your husband needs to either quit one of the jobs or at least take some time away and spend with his family. You should never talk bad about their dad but you shouldn't have to defend him either. He needs to be the one that explains to the kids why he is so angry. It is sad that they hate it when their dad is home. My boyfriend grew up in a house like that and he still doesn't like to be around his dad. Due what you think is right and that's all you can do. The rest is up to your husband. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells when he is at home.

no you are not at fault. Your husband is probably feeling defensive and it is easier to blame you than to own his own poor attitude. Parents really can't turn kids against another parent. It just doesn't work. Kids are very faithful to both parents. If one parent were to even try to badmouth the other...the parent doing the badmouthing is the one that ends up on the bad list. If the kids are not wanting him to be around ...that is because he is not much fun to be around. So thats my thought on it.

Yes, I definitely agree with you. He has always been mean to his kids, and he never cares about their feelings. This shows that he is selfish and irresponsible. I think he must have something going on in his mind right now. Maybe he regrets about something, I am not sure about this but that is what my instinct tells me. Maybe you could just sit with the kids one day and tell them that your husband is being angry because he's tried and all. And ask them they should forgive their father. But the rest of it depends on your kids whether to accept your idea or not. And it is your husband's job to bridge the gap between the kids and himself. It's not your job. You are not at fault at all, toe_ster.

You shouldn't have to be put in the middle of your husband's relationship with your children. Unfortunately, this sounds like an abusive man who expects you to enable him to continue to be abusive. Part of the problem might be that he only has one day off, but there might be other issues that are causing your husband to be so angry. If he won't get counseling, then you might consider getting some to get a handle on the situation and to empower yourself, not to enable him. Also, your children shouldn't feel afraid to be around him on his day off.

hmmm tough one. It's not our fault that the children don't like it when their dad yells at them. That is a normal feeling. I do think that both parents should help their children to appreciate the other parent. Most people don't do that, but I think it's the right thing to do. That doesn't mean your admitting it's your fault. It isn't. But maybe you could just tell the kids that Dad works really hard and gets tired and grouchy. Of course, it would be nice if dad wasn't such a grouch when he does choose to spend time with the kids. Good luck and take care.

I think nobody is really wrong in this aspect. But your husband is so hard working, so perhaps he really needs the sleep. When people are lack of sleep, they will lose temper easily. I do think that parents should spend more time playing with their kids. However, sometimes since work, we have to give up the time with our family. So we have try to squeeze our time. If it's OK, maybe your husband can consider to have one job so that he can have more time with family.

I don't think that you're at fault. If he wants to have a better relationship with them, then he needs to work at it. Not really being around 6 days a week doesn't help. But the fact that he either sleeps or is a jerk to everyone on his day off makes it worse. No wonder the kids don't want to be around him. There's really not much you can do. If you go out and let him spend time alone with them on his day off (or suggest that they go out together) and he's surly all day, at the end of the day he'll say it's all your fault.

It's a pity to hear the words said by your sons. I think your husband must be very sad. I understand the feeling, It's so bad. Hope you can help them to eliminate it. It's not your fault, and it's not your husband's fault too. Maybe your husband should spend more time together with your children. All things they need are more time ,more communication, more laugh, more joys.

Yes u r right... he also have some role to play.... but u also have to do something

I don't think it is your fault, if all they see of their dad at home is a grumpy person that yells all the time, i wouldn't want to be around him either. Your husband probably doesn't see how his negative attitude is damaging his relationship with his children. I honestly don't know what to tell you, but he has to be the one to make the effort for the relationship with the kids. As long as you are not bad-mouthing your husband or giving the kids a sense that 'dad is mean when he's home', i think you are doing all you can. I'm sure the kids see for their selves who has the problem and who doesn't. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Maybe you could talk to your husband or try to get him to take a week's vacation. Let him get one or two days just for hisself (because he probably gets no time between home and work and that can mess up a person's attitude as well), Let him have him time to relax and unwind and then the next couple days think of something fun you can do with the whole family that also let's your husband unwind and have fun, maybe like an amusement park. That might soften him up a bit.

I completely agree with you. He should be putting in the effort to be the kind of dad his kids deserve. If it were me in this situation I would talk to him when he is in a good mood and just tell him how the kids are feeling and how you feel about it all. Does he NEED to work 2 jobs??? Could you maybe get one so he has more time to spend with the kids??? just suggestions

I think it's his job to put forth an effort with his children, and with you. Your son said that he didn't like when Dad was home, because of something HE did. It had nothing to do with you. Unless your husband realizes that he has to put in an effort when he is home, and make the most of his time with his kids, there's really nothing you can do.

It's kind of a two way street. Your husband probably needs to quit the second job to spend more time with the family and the kids need to remember that even when their Dad is cranky they still shouldn't be rude. It probably isn't easy when he's home and cranky, but if they start talking bad about him at a young age it will only get worse as they get older. Good luck with the problem! AT PEACE WITHIN

I dont think its your fault at all! Boys can get very anal about their days off. I remember my ex (not exactly the same situation but kinda similar) he wouldnt wanna see me if he had a day off because he needed to relax. Although I worked alot and had looked forward to my days off to see him. Dont let yourself think that this is all your fault whatesoever, you were just simply repeating what your child said. Im no expert in marriage considering im 17 but im sure if he loved you he would listen to you if you had a calm talk with him. Ask him whats wrong, how it actually happened, and maybe you guys can possibly find a way to lighten his mood. He just seems stressed and maybe you can plan a little alone time and send the kids to the granprents for a weekend or something.

My sister has the exact same situation. I was lucky, I guess, because when my kids were little, my husband was pretty decent even if he was cranky or tired. Hmm, actually he was pretty nasty when he worked all those hours and still is. It's just that my kids are 21 and 16 and don't much care now. ANYWAY, my sister's kids are 6 and 9 and she is desperate for her husband to form a good bond with them. All he does is yell at them and they actually like when he isn't home. When he pulls in, they are sad. That hurts my heart because fathers should put forth the same energy mothers do. Yes, they are tired and they work but those are their kids! Your husband needs to figure out how to juggle his work life and his time with you and the kids. You can always talk to him about this and you probably have many times but the only thing you can do is to not put him down to the kids as much as you want to. That won't help matters. But he needs to take responsibility for being a good father. Someday his kids will grow up and want nothing to do with him. Play "Cat's in the Cradle" for him and tell him that is his future. You're a good mom to want your kids to bind and have a good relationship with their dad. My sister got so fed up that they are now going to family therapy and things are a TOUCH better. Not much but a tiny bit. Good luck. I hope things work out.