How important is marriage. Social Aceptance or For love
By sjchristian
@sjchristian (76)
United States
August 9, 2007 10:13pm CST
Growing up I never had that little girl fantasy of getting married. I don't know why. I was always surrounded my married couples everyone in my family over the age of 28 is married with the aceptance of one uncle.
In my family to date (well since I was born) there has been only one divorce. And that was after 20 years of physical abuse. From what I have always seen they have been long loving relationship.
I am a mother of 2 (both sons with different fathers) With my oldest son I was with his dad for 4 years before I got pregnant.My oldest son is a birth control baby. His dad and I broke up shortly after the baby because we were being pressured to get married by everyone in our family. And although we loved each other and wanted our son to have an active mother and father we truly didn't believe that marriage was a fix it all.
That was 10 years ago and he is a very active father with out any complaints from me. When I look back and think if i would have married him I think that right now I would have been completly miserable or divorced. In the 10 years since I have grown up and out and he has stayed in the same place, as friends we are compatible but as anything more we would be a disaster waiting to happen.
With my current boyfriend we have been together for almost 4 years, and we talk of marriage often but never in the immediate sense. We talk about getting married in about 2-3 years, when we will be able to afford a wedding that we want.
We both know that we love each other and want to be together forever. But we don't feel we are in a place in our lives where marriage is needed.
We live as a married couple and do everything that a married couples does together. We raise our children in a stable environment.
There is no other reason for us not to get married other than, we don't think it is necessary at this point.
What are your thoughts?
3 people like this
6 responses
@celovich (26)
• United States
10 Aug 07
I think that marriage is for some people and not for others =) My husband and I got married because it was our own personal values and something we've both wanted. It was just our way of saying "i am for you and only you" and to express our unending love. I think some people may often get married just for social acceptance (especially if they have children), which must be a hard situation to get involved in. Id say if marriage is something you want to do, then go for it. And if not, then who cares. The only thing that really matters is that you love each other =)
@akumei1269 (1749)
• India
10 Aug 07
You are happy in the given situation . So what to bother about .
But I am in environment living in which I am unable to feel what your feelings , dillema , reaction may be . Because , we Indians are not yet grown so liberal in marriage matters . I think the conservativism of Indian society is well known . However , it is losening gradually .
Right or wrong what you are doing is a different question . Time will tell . But that you are not less serious in the matters of marriage & and chilld bearing than any other nationality especially Indians is a exciting knowledge for me .
@sjchristian (76)
• United States
10 Aug 07
I know exacly what you are talking about. Thank you for your honesty.
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
11 Aug 07
I don't think you should marry because of social acceptance; I would only marry someone if I really loved not to make anyone else happy. They don't have to live with/sleep with your spouse.
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
14 Aug 07
While part of it is social acceptance the most important part is commitment.
In living together there is only the commitment that each partner puts into it. At any time one or both can walk away with no legal responsibility, only moral.
To marry is to say publicly that you are committed to this person both morally and financially. In many ways it makes your family legitimate.
If both are truly in love and fully committed to the other person then marriage is just a formality. But you have to ask yourself why either one do not want to make that commitment. What is the true reason?
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
10 Aug 07
Getting married is more complicated nowadays. Its not just the wedding paperwork, the expenses or even choosing the bride or groom. The big question is why does someone want to marry you? Cupid's arrow alone is not a good enough reason... certainly not for this complicated world that we live in today. There are so many aspects to take into consideration before one signs on the dotted line. Marry for love alone? Well, that's a bit implausible to believe in one hundred per cent. Love seems to have a price. Apart from looks, personality and compatibility are many other considerations.
Marriages and relations of convenience take place for many reasons and love is among the last factor to be taken into consideration. The reality for such arrangements is money and lust. All other reasons plausible or not, are just justifications to achieve certain aims.
@wasons (302)
• China
11 Aug 07
i think marriage is just a social aceptance, for our society marriage is mean the couple they love each other and they make a family.but for love only,it isn't necessary,if they love each other they just need trust,respect and happy to be together.someone even says:"marriage is the end of love"
