How do I try to balance out my life?
By trickylacey
@trickylacey (67)
United States
August 11, 2007 8:53pm CST
I am the mother of two wonderful children. My oldest is my son Jeffrey who is 16 months old, and my daughter was just born on May 31. I have since gone back to work full-time and am even getting quite a few overtime hours. My husband & I had agreed that I could go back to work and he would stay home and take care of the kids while I work. Then, the 2 days I'm off a week he could work his part-time job and I would stay home with the kids. Well...my husband barely watches my son (he lets him go out and destroy the house while he sits on the computer almost all day. My mother lives with us also (I help take care of her because of all of her health problems, she would have a hard time living alone). My husband usually takes my daughter into my mom and she holds her for hours.
To say the least...nothing is getting done with the household chores. I come home from work to find the house in more of a mess than what I left it in the morning. My husband doesn't do anything to help me around the house, and barely even watches the kids. How do I get through to him that I need help with everything? I guess he just expects me to be supermom or something? Any advice?
2 people like this
5 responses
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Welcome to myLot tricky. I read your discussion and thought I was looking in a mirror, only my problem is I have 3 kids, my hubby works 60 hours a week, I work, and I can't seem to say no to anything. A couple months ago I thought I was going to lose my mind. I can understand your frustration, as a mom and wife it's hard not to feel you have to be everything to everybody. I know this is gonna sound nuts, but if you really can't seem to get through to your hubby that you have concerns and he needs to step it up you have only one other choice. That other option is to just relax. It's easier said than done, especially when you like a clean house, trust me, I've been there, and at least once a week I have to stop myself from spazzing out because the dishes aren't done or the laundry is piling up. And I have to admit I get resentful sometimes when I don't feel like I'm getting the help I need.
@trickylacey (67)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thanks for your input. It helps out a lot knowing that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. I appreciate you taking the time out to try and help me out.
@Hgateway (204)
• United States
14 Aug 07
Yes, I can feel your frustration there; you are stating the life I have in the past 10 years, and things just got worse and worse in the past 4 years.
Well, here is what I done and it seem to me that its been improving a bit from time to time.
1. Definitely find a good time, have a "GOOD TALK" with your husband. Soften your ton, explain why you work your tail off and your dream life for the family, but you got your hands full and you can't do it along.....
2. I lower my standard; yes, it bothers me at beginning, but trust me, if a house like a jungle doesn't bother him, he will not clean it up. Therefore, why not make a list of who is going to take care of what, but under the condition if whoever gets overtime, the other will help out. And, set a day on weekend to clean up the house together. Get kids involve when they can...I start my little one at age 1 1/2 to start pick up her own toys and put things away as she follows me to whatever room I go to.
3. If you can afford or really don't have time clean up things. Hire someone clean up the house once a week or twice a month or so.
Hope this helps!
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Oh my! I think you need to explode verbally on hubby! I got angry just reading your post! If he is to stay home with the kids, he should be working his little tail off!! Now I'm not thinking the house should be spotless and all because anyone who has been a stay at home parent knows how difficult that can be. Still...he should NOT be parked at the computer all day. He should be doing things with the kids, cleaning when he is able to and planning the evening meal! When you get home, you should be able to relax and spend some time with your kids and housework that did not get done during the day should be shared. Your mother should not be left just holding the baby for hours! This is way too much for you to be doing on your own. It sounds like a lot of work for 2 people even! One needs to chip in more! If something doesnt change soon, you are going to get so run-down that you won't be good for anything or anyone. I hope your husband is the type that will realize that he is wrong and do something to change things. This can't be good for your relationship.
@qudsiakarim85 (82)
• Pakistan
12 Aug 07
u should talk to him and in my opinion u shld work for part time and he shld work full time else he shld takecare of home and children becoz a person can takecare of only one thing inside or outside
@venkatkalyan1234 (15)
• India
12 Aug 07
LEt your Husband know what your doing,Do not put it forece fully .Just plesantly say your problem.Pray god deeply and ask him for help.remember you are working for god so you never get exhausted.
Hope i answered your question
