Can a Secret Love Affair help your troubled legitimate relationship?

The answer is obviously plain and simple - it does not help at all. In fact it is worsening the situation between her and her husband. Her married life is in trouble, and she's stirring up all the more the turmoil. but then of course, it takes two to tango just as it takes two to spar. and your friend cannot be 100% put to blame. the husband had a weakness too and just as well contributory to the failing relationship. It's just that your friend had the more contribution to the already belaguered situation. she is responding negatively to an already negative situation. what's worse is that she's trying to justify what obviously is a big mistake, she refused to see the negative consequences, and she's not apologetic about it - looking at it, you as a friend is the one seeing this as a problem rather than her enjoying the situation. she even think she's doing her marriage a favor by fanning on her passion, which i think is downright selfish and irreposnible. ask her, what does she really care for now? what's the more important thing for her to work on for. is it keeping her marriage and giving the children a complete family? or is it her claim to personal happiness or passion with another person? i'm not saying that this latter is a bad idea, since the pursuit to happiness is a universal drive too to keep us surviving. but in the light of all her personal needs and motivations she has to make a decision or a priority of decisions- ones that are morally right and benificial in a longer term to everyone concerned. going around this question, she might be able to come up with the right and more responsible and mature solution.

If she is madly inlove with the other guy she probably has no buisness at all with the husband. Set him free and let him find someone that can be true and respectful to him instead of cheating and betraying him. I have been cheated on and it hurts like hell. I do not belive that it is good for the relation at all!

I think she is kidding herself. She can't have both men. She has betrayed her husband's trust. I doubt she can ever get that back. She has two young kids. If she doesn't want a divorce, then she needs to stop seeing that music teacher and get her priorities in order. If her home life is that boring then maybe she needs to spruce it up a bit. She needs to treat her hubby with respect and stop treating him like a fool. What happened to her marriage vows?

How can it be for the best in her relationship with her husband when her passion and fire if for someone else? How can she be a good role model for her children when she is ready to lie and cheat in her marriage? It sounds like the marriage had gotten to that inevitable point where the "romance" wore off. This is the time when love can grow if the partners work together. Love is not about passion and fire. Ever heard the term "too hot not to cool down"? That is what is going on with her affair. After awhile she will get to the same point with the music teacher that she got to with her husband. Does she plan to hop from man to man in order to stay passionate? She is hurtin everyone involved here, most of all herself. I doubt if you can tell her anything, because she is not in the mood to hear you, unless you ok her behavior. I do hope she comes to her senses soon, before she loses out on everything. Tell her this message comes from one who has been there, done that and regrets it!!!!

I think when you bring a third party into a troubled relationship that you only add to the trouble. Once trust is broken then it is very hard to get back. I would say that for your girlfriend it is probably more exciting but for her husband, it probably is not. It takes two to make a relationship work. Eventually he will get tired of the doormat role and as much as he loves her now, i don't see it lasting unless she gives up the other guy. Now she will not only have to add excitement to their relationship but deal with trust issues etc. She does not sound remorseful at all...this will no doubt blow up in her face.

doing something bad cannot fix something that is already bad.. it's actually up to her... she might suffer the consequences at a later time.. hopefully, her heart can take the pain in the future.. it is not easy to betray people... for example, if she is the one to be betrayed? can she take the feeling? let her put her shoes on her husband's end...

I think what she did to her husband is the worst thing someone could do to someone they love, she's probably injured their relationship beyond repair and should let him go,, if she's so in love with the cheater.It isn't fair whatsoever.

What kind of a question is that? How can an affair help a relationship? How can cheating on the partner you have help your relationship with that partner? Cheating is just avoiding the problem, while feeding your own selfish needs for physical or emotional closeness. If you want to be with someone else, break up with the first partner first!!

Now its(affair with music teacher) not at all secrete your friend should stop seeing the guy and try to work on her marital relationship. It will help really have a good impact on her children too in future.

I noticed that this discussion was 8 months ago. I hope your GF has worked this situation out. It is never good to have a relationship like this outside of a marriage. It puts a lot of stress on the marriage itself. She talks about passion and fire. The passion and fire she had with her husband at first can be rekindled. There are things she can do to make things better in bed. Do different things. Don't do the same thing all the time. If she is not one to take the initiative in the bed start to do this at different times. Never letting him know when you are going to be the one in charge. Her saying that it is best for her relationship with her husband is a lame excuse for having extramatrial relationships. It sounds to me as though she wants her cake and be able to eat it to. I am not judging your GF just saying she can't have it both ways.

I would think your friend is playing with fire. She is putting her own marriage at stake, betraying her husband and children. In my opinion, if she loves her family, she should be putting her effort and love on her family and not for herself. Afterall, she has been "warned" by her husband whom I feel has a big heart not to kick up a fuss over her affair.

If she felt that way, she should of maybe brought it up with the husband. There are couples who sucessfully have open relationships. It depends on the two people mostly involved though. She should rekindle things if she really wants to be with him, and get over it. If not, divorce. Its not going to be easy for them or the boys but its better than wasting your life with someone you don't love.

just be true to herself no matter how hard and whatever the consequences is...