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Should you really have to keep your best friend's secrets?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
August 16, 2007 5:17pm CST
Through the years I've had lots of best friends. Funny how it's worked out like that. And, I've always been a loyal and true friend to each one. I've never spilled the beans so to speak on any friend, especially if she asked me to keep her secret. Most times, I wouldn't even think to share a friend's secret with my own spouse. And, that's rare, considering that we talk about everything.
However, sometimes when I find out that friends are doing not so reputable deeds, it's really hard to keep those secrets. For some reason I am always entrusted with the type of knowledge that I think is best kept to one's own self. For instance if a friend is cheating on her taxes, I don't really need to know. Why would someone tell me a secret like that. It just makes me feel guilty and at the same time I can't do anything about it. If I tell on my friend she gets in trouble and if I don't, then I'm guilty of a crime. But, cheating on taxes is not the worst thing that I know about my past friends. There is much, much worse. But, like I said, I don't tell secrets!
Do you think it's fair when friends unload their dirty little secrets on you and expect you to keep the secrets, even if it could end up hurting you? Do you think they are just sharing the secret to appease their own conscience? What would you do if a friend shared a really bad secret with you? Would you tell anyone? Or, would you keep it to yourself?
3 people like this
14 responses
@DanaMark (807)
• United States
19 Aug 07
I think it is important to keep secrets. Unfortunately that can backfire on us. I don't think it is right for a friend to tell you about something like tax evasion, or some other illegal activity, expecting you not to say anything. That puts undue pressure on the friendship and makes you an accomplice. I know people who have been driving without a driver's license for years. I am so tempted to report them anonymously. Why should they never have to pay for a license or car insurance?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
20 Aug 07
See, that is exactly what I was talking about! These are not ordinary secrets...this is not like keeping a secret that one friend has a crush on another. When friends tell us secrets (like the driver's license issue) they are not sharing, they are unloading to ease their own conscience. They are sharing to make themselves feel better. It's not fair at all. And, then we end up tossing and turning at night feeling guilty over something that is not even our fault. And, why should the friend assume that we share their lack of moral conviction that allows them to get away with whatever criminal act they are perpetrating. Friendship does not give people a license to burden like that. Not at all!
And, about the car insurance, license, if that person ever got stopped by the police they would most likely end up in jail. In our state, there is a statute that provides for up to six months in county jail for drivers who are caught without proper auto insurance or license. Very serious penalties indeed.
And, if they hit another person's car and someone ended up seriously injured in the hospital, how would your friend pay? He (or she) doesn't have insurance. How do they think they are doing the right thing? You might be doing them a favor to turn them in. It could make them get their act together. Some people just slide by in life doing the bare essentials until they are required to excel.
Ultimately you have to do what your own heart tells you to do. And, then you will never go wrong. Be well. Thanks for dropping by.
@youless (112561)
• Guangzhou, China
17 Aug 07
I will keep my best friends' secrets. As the secrets are very private and important. I shouldn't tell it to others. When my friends tell me their secrets, they are trust in me and think I am trustworthy. I can't disappoint them.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
17 Aug 07
I'm very careful to keep my friends' confidences, but on the other hand, they don't usually have secrets that could cause anyone any harm.
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
16 Aug 07
i'll keep that to myself. i dont want to talk about it when that freind is not around coz other people might think it is just a gossip. if they say keep it a secret then i will keep it a secret. but sometimes it ends up that she herself cant keep it a secret. when a certain freind of mine tells me to keep it a secret then she cant keep her own secret then i wont tell her any of my secret deeds. for i know she cant keep it. she cant keep her own secret so therefore she cant keep my secrets too. i keep my mouth shut and let her broadcast her own ugly side.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
16 Aug 07
Honestly I don't think it is fair for someone to burden you with a secret. I think it is selfish and burdensome upon the other person. I would tell her in the future that you really love your friendship but you just can't be a party to these types of secrets anymore because of the guilt you feel. If she is a true friend then she wil understand.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
18 Aug 07
Hi beautyqueen26! I do keep secrets that are entrusted to me, probably I'll bring them with me in my grave. Just like you, I am very much open to my hubby but I never tell him my friends' secrets. I do however, think that it is somehow unfair if they tell you dirty little secrets and you can't tell anyone about it because the deed is wrong and you are sworn not to divulge it to anyone. When friends tell me about some wrong things that they did, I usually tell them to promise me that they won't do it again. I guess, they say it to unburden themselves and somehow have you console and comfort them, I guess that's friendship and that's life. Take care and have a nice day!
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
17 Aug 07
The only time i have ever told anyone's secret was when my friend was being raped by her step-father. That secret needed to be told. ALl other time, i have kept the secret.
@AuthenticPeach (283)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Like yourself beautyqueen26, my friends and others tell me everything and I keep their secrets when they tell me things. I really don't think it's fair for someone to tell me something that could eventually hurt me in the process. I really don't know what I would do if a friend of mine told me something really horrible but if it could possibly put me in jail for not reporting it, I guess I would have to loose that friend to the system.
@myliezl0903 (2726)
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
well, for me i'll just keep that secret in myself because i know that if somebody shared something on me it should be kept especially if its a bad secret.
@larskie23 (866)
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
its trust and confidence they gave you when someone shared a secret to you. but im not a good secret keeper, i know it and so i told my friends. but i know which one to keep and to share to my other friends, too personal problems, then i wont, but if indeed needed another help from someone, i ask our other friends opinion about it. :-)
@orbeltadz (506)
• Baguio, Philippines
17 Aug 07
It depends on some cases. If its too harmful and might hurt anyone, then you should keep it. But as long as it is not, then your best friend will understand your side.
@PLATOANDPIG (46)
• China
17 Aug 07
I will keep the personal secrets of my friends but refuse to screen his or her illegal behavior.
@EZhang (165)
• Singapore
17 Aug 07
When my friends tell me their secrets, I always keep it a secret due to the fact that they are my friends and they trust me to keep my mouth zipped. But some of my friends don't necessarily keep my secrets secret. Back in school, there were these 2 girls who were supposed to be my friend. I knew friend A when I was 8 and friend B only became friends with me and friend A in secondary school when we were 14. Before long, friend A & B started trading and sharing secrets among themselves and leaving me out of the discussion. When friend A had a crush on someone, friend B told her not to tell me coz I've go around telling secrets and she said it to my face. And the disappointing thing is that friend A listened to her even though I knew her longer. Soon enough, I stopped telling both of them my secrets and whatever secrets they tell me, I make it my mission to tell everyone I knew or didn't knew. What's the point in keeping secrets for my "friends" when they don't treat me like one. I only keep secrets for people and maybe friends when they don't tell on me. Ultimately, if there's a secret, it should not be told to anyone because it's a secret and supposed to be kept a secret. BY telling people, you have the good task or worrying about them spilling the beans on you.
