Minding my own business
By Shannon
@visitorinvasion (7709)
United States
August 18, 2007 12:21pm CST
I've been married nearly 14 years and have done everything I can do to stand by my ready-made family & try like hell to keep us all together. I was sitting in here fighting a heller headache on basically no sleep because one idiot neighbor is out of crack or something & has been screaming at the top of his lungs at whatever neighbor might dare come outside and attempt to do whatever (one lady was walking back from the mail box & I don't know who he was yelling at in the place behind him). My hubs went outside to finish the window he and his cousin installed a few days ago (caulking, trim, etc)and the little creep starts going off on him for who knows what. My husband is not a small man & has a big problem with people and their attitudes. I hear him outside shouting & I go outside and told the little boy (probably 22 tops) to go on. My husband just told me to mind my own business. Well, I guess he's not my business after 14 years. I'm livid.
Ladies, have you dealt with this? How do you keep from packing your stuff?
3 people like this
10 responses
@pismeof (855)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Shannon,Don't let what your hubby said to you upset you !I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded.He was just being a MAN,he apparently was wound up by the insollent neighbor and wanted to handle him like a MAN.Maybe beat his head against the wall.
Testosterone and adrenaline does that to us guys sometimes and we missdirect those emotions at our loved ones.
I'm sure he really didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
19 Aug 07
The hubs admitted to me hours later that if I hadn't come out, he'd have went after that little punk and very well might have ended up in jail. All is well now. He used a poor choice of words & I reacted to them quite badly.
We've both been lacking sleep and under a lot of stress lately, so as they say, sh|t happens. All is well now.
I'll check Worldwise1's discussion later. Still have a bad headache and just came to do responses before lying back down.
Thanks for being a friend.
1 person likes this
@CEN7777 (855)
• India
18 Aug 07
Hi friend, U r right that as U r a life partner and this not only his own matter, it is the matter of u r family and U r one of important decision making partner in this case, U r husband has done mistake by keeping U out this matter or he had just said this in anger. In fact U r most important member in the family. He should not take decision alone as any such decision may hurt, It is his responsibilty to talk with u in all such matter. U r his life partner not just a bed partner, Whatever happens in life will have equal effect on U and him. Impact of any mishappening or misconduct will be same on U and him, so U r interferance is equaly important in this matter also. Every family matter is equal for U and him.Pls talk to him and resolve the matter. This attitude from him may be momentarily in fact he may respect U more than what U think.
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
18 Aug 07
You are right. He was just angry.
He came in here and apologized to me shortly after I made this post. Normally we get along well, but one of our sons has brought a bunch of drama on the family recently and we've both been stressed and lacking sleep because of it. Thank you for saying what you have said. I am feeling better, and I won't be packing anything. I was just mad. He used a bad choice of words, and I anger easily when I haven't been sleeping right.
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Can't say I've dealt with that specific kind of situation, but hopefully I have an idea or two that may be helpful.
He is your business. I understand he was angry, but he should not have taken that out on you. Maybe he was trying to somehow protect you from the other neighbor?
When you both cool down, you two should sit down and talk. Don't approach him in anger, but do tell him his remark hurt you and see where the conversation goes from there? Good luck!
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
21 Aug 07
Thanks, Melanie.
We resolved it shortly after I posted this anyway.
Both of us are over-tired & stressed out. He chose a poor choice of words & I exploded. LOL Thank goodness we get along most of the time. It's all good now.
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Well, I can more than advice off my sympathy. I would ask, is this a very rare occurence, or does he yell/berate often? If this was a rare occurence just brush it off to hormones, anger, and male pride--if this is the norm then I don't think you deserve to have put up with it.
dr...
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
19 Aug 07
No, he's a pretty mild mannered individual until somebody starts trouble, then he's the kind to finish it. We normally get along great. He came and apologized to me shortly after I posted this discussion. He used a poor choice of words & I reacted to them just as poorly. Thanks for the support, David. It's all good now.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
18 Aug 07
My s/o and I have been together for 6 years and have three children. I think that entitles me to some say so about things...but apparently it doesn't. I can't count the number of times he's made big decisions or plans without even consulting me or thinking about how it would affect me. Some days I also wonder what keeps me from leaving...
I wonder though if in your case your husband was actually doing the right thing. Talk to him and ask him why he said that to you. It may have been that he thought he was protecting you from this creep and from any future retaliation from him. Thee also may have been a bit of "man's pride" thrown in too. He probably figured he was handling the situation and didn't want his wife to fight for him. If it was something like that, I think you are both right...he is right for trying to protect you but you are right for wanting to do the same for him.
Hope you can work things out with your husband and your neighbor!
2 people like this
@Tsferrets (421)
• United States
20 Aug 07
Hi Visitor. Now that your calmed down you can have a chuckle at the neighbor. He's making an as- out of himself. I'd go off on him to if he dare to harrass me about anything. But as you now know your husband just talked to you inappropritely because he himself was still boiling. People like your neighbor don't deserve to have neighbors. They should be where the sun don't shine. And miserable by themselves until they can act like a human being.
Ignor him and try to have a great day... Tammy
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
21 Aug 07
Thanks, Tammy.
The little creep stopped my 16 year old yesterday and told him to "apologize to your dad for me." Little punk didn't even have the guts to apologize to my husband's face.
It is kind of funny now that it's over.
@mansha (6298)
• India
27 Oct 07
I wonder that too a lot. My hubby of ten years -that was five years back told me that I come and cry over his shoulders all the time but where should he go if he needs support. I was zapped- I had thought we were there for each other and then I realised I tell him everything about whats going on in my life and what I feel but he always just keeps things to himself and never shares. I started keeping mum too after that- i don't know why I still stick around may be he is a habit to me and Its convenient and familiar. Now I just take a day at a time and wonder in the mornings if it will pss without any arguments. Sometimes I feel we alk on egg shells all the time. Now he has gone to different city and I am not following him because I prefer it this way. I can be more of me when he is not around-cheesey isn't it but sad too. I am not cheating on him or anything but I just prefer staying alone with kids to staying together.I often wonder why?
1 person likes this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I wish there was something I could say that would help, but I'm not sure of your situation.
Do you still love him?
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Can't say I've dealt with that specific kind of situation, but hopefully I have an idea or two that may be helpful.
He is your business. I understand he was angry, but he should not have taken that out on you. Maybe he was trying to somehow protect you from the other neighbor?
When you both cool down, you two should sit down and talk. Don't approach him in anger, but do tell him his remark hurt you and see where the conversation goes from there? Good luck!
1 person likes this
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Can't say I've dealt with that specific kind of situation, but hopefully I have an idea or two that may be helpful.
He is your business. I understand he was angry, but he should not have taken that out on you. Maybe he was trying to somehow protect you from the other neighbor?
When you both cool down, you two should sit down and talk. Don't approach him in anger, but do tell him his remark hurt you and see where the conversation goes from there? Good luck!
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I'm not a lady, I'm a WOMAN; and your question is something that I have been dealing with for the past several months. After 25 years invested in a domestic partnership (after all gay people can't be legally married); I keep hearing the song, "Should I stay or should I go" playing in my head. I have gone as far as to call Senior Apartments and requesting applications. My daughter in Indiana wants me to come and live with her. I am having words said to me in a tone of voice that would NEVER be used on anyone else. I am so tired of it; but at almost 60, is it really worth it to pack up and leave? And darn the antidepressants~ I would love to have a good cry but the hot tears that I would like to feel on my cheeks just won't fall out of my eyes. My heart is with you baby.~Donna
1 person likes this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Sounds like it is time to hit the door.
You're a good woman and don't deserve that crap.
If it helps with your decision, I'm in Indiana.
Come hang out with the Hoosiers in nowheresville, lol.
Seriously tho, don't go feeling bad for me, this is an old post and the apology came to me shortly after I posted.
It's never too late to be happy, if you're unhappy, it's time for a change of scenery, especially if this has been going on for a long time and doesn't look as if anything is going to change for the better.
Are you speaking of the daughter you were having communication problems with a few months ago? If so, I'm really happy that door has reopened for you.
You're totally welcomed with open arms in this state, Donna. Please do keep me posted, even if you need to do it via the pm service. I don't like--no I hate thinking about you being so unhappy. You're a good woman, Donna, and don't forget that. You deserve happiness...and thanks for reminding me to take my meds, btw.
