How extended is your extended family? I'm fed up of it!!
By fab315
@fab315 (1231)
Philippines
August 19, 2007 5:42am CST
I grew up having my mother's siblings living with us. My parents paid for their education and in return they worked for us, well until now. They do some errands for us and i'm used to it. We don't mind it before that they're living with us for the reason that they're our family as well and family to us is very important. I like it before but now I admit I don't anymore. I'm fed up of it.
We have at least 4 lots that are just houses aways from each other, in one of those lots, we offered them that they can build a house there temporarily to help them save and at the same time look after for my fathers cockfighters. It was fine and everything was still okay that time. But now it's different anymore. Now, almost all of them are living in the said lot and it's like their own compound. I'm not complaining nor I'm being greedy and selfish. All I don't like is that all they do is talk and gossip about my mother, they attack my mother as if she's a bad person especially my aunties or attack and create stories about each other. I have some cousins who lives with us and my aunties attacks them as well, they're jealous if I give some things to them. I love my aunties but I honestly admit I'm fed up of them now. Last time I went home I hardly even see them, coz I don't want to hear any comments from them. I was so hurt when one day my closest cousin went with me to go shopping with my baby, when my aunties knew about it they interrogated my cousin, asking her if I bought her some clothes or where did we go.. stupid and dumb questions of jealous people. The worst was they told my cousin that, that's why she went with me instead of with them was because I'm earning dinars/dollars and they're only earning pesos. GRRRR!! I was so pissed off!! they knew that my cousin is like my sister, and we're very close ever since we were little and I always give her money & things because she doesn't have a mother.
I told my mother about it, she told my grandmother and told her to tell my aunties to mind their own businesses. Am I right of being mad at them? or being hurt? i've been very generous to them and to their kids but I can't be generous for the rest of my life. Right?
Now, I can say my relationship with my aunties are not as close as before, even my mother is fed up of them as well, but what can we do? we can't just kick them out and we have no clue until when they'll be living in our lot, my father and brother told us to just ignore them but its hard to just ignore stupid comments sometimes. Am I being selfish with my reactions?
Are you experiencing the same scenario as mine?
Is your family an extended family as well? as in extended like ours?
Thanks...thank you guys for letting me out my feelings about the situation.
cheers! :D
2 people like this
9 responses
@weemam (13372)
•
19 Aug 07
I think they are maybe a bit jepous of you pal , I am an only daughter and my hubbys family are not nice people so we don't keep in touch with them , I have my 3 sons 2 married with their own teenage children and my youngest lives with us , Things are a lot different here pal , I wish you well in whatever you choose to do pal , do what you feel is right xxx
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
20 Aug 07
HellO!
I dunno why they're jealous of me pal or of my family. I know I just have to ignore them and move on. I can't change the fact that they're my family. Thank you so much for you support pal. Rest your hands...I don't want to guess the words you're writing here..LOL!!! hugs and kisses pal...take care! hope your hands would feel better tomorrow.
ciao! :D
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
21 Aug 07
First, let me say I love my family dearly and I honestly wouldn't trade any of them...even the annoying ones.
That being said I have come to the conclusion that there is such a thing as living too close to family. My Mom, 2 of my brothers and myself all live within a block of each other and it has led to some problems. When one person is mad they tend to run to the others and when that happens they expect everyone to pick a side. I try to stay out of things as much as I can and just worry about my own home. My best advice to you is just stay away from these ladies until they quit or move away.
AT PEACE WITHIN
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
19 Aug 07
We've had similar situations, but not with the living situation. My family sees each other every week for dinner, but there isn't really the giving of money or anything like that - we're all expected to make our own money and do our own things.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
20 Aug 07
family relationships are always complicated. i find that this is so especially in asian families where you never really 'leave' your family. unlike western societies where children are expected to find their own accommodation after university o rcollege. and no one really lives with their parents when they are working.
over here,for better or for worse families are more intricately linked. and thus there are more scenarios to gossip and make unhelpful comments. as with all other gossip, we can't control other people's tongues, so we'll just have to guard our own. and if you know you're doing the right thing, the best thing to do is probably to just ignore these aunties. aunties are notorious in asian cultures for gossiping unfortunately!
1 person likes this
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
HellO!
It is really a common scenario in Asian families having an extended family. All the gossips hurts me and thus affect my family and our relationship to them. They're my family and will always be, I guess I just have to ignore them and do my own thing with my life. In a way i'm glad that i'm away from them so I won't be able to hear any comments they'll say. Thanks for your thoughts. Take care
ciao! :D
@madhuri567 (302)
• India
20 Aug 07
we are 4 four mom=caring,dad=lovin,brother =helping,i=lovable
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I can not even imagine being in your situation! It is just craziness! I love my family very very much but we all live our own lives and have a short distance between us. There have been short periods of time that due to circumstances we have all had to share a roof and we were all relieved when it was over. For the most part when we all gather together for a few days it is a fun reunion and we have a great time. If it were a way of life we'd be at each other I'm sure.
1 person likes this
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
HellO!
It's really craziness. I guess living so close to them is a bad idea, well, it's really a bad idea. But there's nothing we can do, guess we just have to put up with them and ignore them as possibly as I can. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
ciao! :D
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
19 Aug 07
I suppose all these women do not work and are bored with their lives so they having else to do than to gossip. From what you say your relationships are entirely too close. You are wise to put some distance between yourselves. The best thing is to ignore their spiteful comments and not repeat them to your mother or others.
In my own extended family all the women work except two who are retired. We all live in our own houses or apartments, we visit only when invited unless there is an emergency, we all gather for important holidays and are happy to see each other on those occasions. I think a certain distance is the secret to good relationships in any extended family.
1 person likes this
@josan181237 (1204)
• Philippines
19 Aug 07
envy. that's all they feel. my mom is also supporting our extended family (my grandma, her brothers and sisters, my cousins). every month she pays for their bills, my cousins' tuition fees and all other expenses. my mom's family is poor. she is the only one in her family who graduated from college. she has 3 brothers and 3 sisters. her two brothers are working abroad and also helping her in supporting our extended family. we are one big family and we treat ourselves as families. we help each other out hoping someday we will have a better life. i know we will. my uncles and aunts are not jealous of my mom's status. on the contrary, they even show us gratitude and that's why we love to help them more. my mom is working so hard for them that's why i also want to help my mom and my extended family as well. i'm currently looking for a job right now. and i hope i can work abroad to have a higher salary so i could help them more. =)
never stop helping and doing good to others. you will see this will soon come back to you. =)
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
HellO!
It looks like your family and my family are playing the same role towards our extended family. My extended family shows gratitude to us as well but sometimes they attack us. My mother feels like she's oblige to help them and work for them since she's the eldest. I do help them until now, but it depends of what sort of help they need and before I don't mind. But things have changed and I have my own priorities, now I only help my 3 cousins who doesn't have a mother. My mother still helps her siblings despite what's happening. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
ciao! :D
@josan181237 (1204)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
thanks for the best response. my mom is not the eldest in their family. she is the third child. i do hope and pray that things will get better someday soon. =)
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
19 Aug 07
Hi fab315! We have a big family and we are close. We usually see everyone every weekend, everyone helps each one in finacial and in anything that needs the support of the clan. However, we don't live together. We all live separately. I guess the disadvantage of being so generous without limitations at first will be somehow be abused. I guess your kindness was been abused and these people that you have helped didn't know when to just stop. It is like biting the hands that feed you. And I can't blame you either if you get angry with these people because they get nasty with all those talks. They are envious of you and your family that's why they want to somehow look for impefections in you and your family and they can only do that by rumors and lies. I hope your family situation will be resolve sooner because these people are the ones who are greedy and not you. Take care and have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@fab315 (1231)
• Philippines
20 Aug 07
HellO!
I admit i'm partly to be blame as well, because I was too generous to them aside from my mother. And they always expect that whenever they need our help we will help them and if we can't they'll get mad. Even my father said that they're abusing but we just keep our mouth shut as we don't want our mother to get hurt as they're her family. That's the thing I can't understand why they should be jealous, if we helped them and still is helping them. I just hope this issue will be solve but i'm not sure when, I actually feel that it'll will be resolve when we all just live our separate lives far from each other. Thanks for your thoughts. Take care.
ciao! :D
