Are your friends older, younger or the same age?
By Amy
@artemis432 (7474)
Abernathy, Texas
August 19, 2007 4:13pm CST
My husband and I have moved a lot with work and have lost touch with many. We have friends are base, a couple, and the husband is about our age and his wife is younger.
As a teen, I was always drawn to adults. My mom had friends from all over the world and friends from here who had traveled the world and they talked to me as an equal - actually even when I was a kid. When the adults talked world issues, politics, development, they included me and listened with respect not condescension to my opinions even on topics I was just learning about. They talked to me about books and philosophy and spiritual issues. One of my first crushes was on an older man Dan Bradbury - in his thirties - who likely knew but he was an ethical man and even when I'd blossomed into a swan (not that I knew it then) he never tried anything. Not the same when I tagged along to Africa with my mom and Cape Verdians and Senegalese offered my mom livestock for my hand in marraige.
The exception has been my niece, now 17 going on 30 who is a highly intelligent, sensitive and gregarious girl. My brother and his wife never talked down to her and include her in discussions. Like me with my son, they talked to her as a baby, explaining things. There were few cut and dried no's but whys and wherefores. She says she likes talking to me beause although her parents include her, they don't always stop to listen to her views. She has amazing ideas about philosophy, of life and the universe.
Despite this, I'm afraid I have a prejudice against teens. I have always assumed they're just boy crazy and only interested in shopping. So although I've always wanted to adopt and older child, I've always been like, what will we talk about? I can give eyeliner pointer - but I'm clueless as far as other makeup tips.
Yet, still everytime I hear a story about an older child, preteen or teen my heart breaks. I hear tell of kids who still lie awake at night wishing or praying for a forever family. I am fairly empathetic and try to put myself in other's place. Although I don't subscribe to organized religion (too costly), I imagine them kneeling them kneeling on the floor beside the bed (okay so I know this wouldn't be the teens) saying, "Please god, send me a forever family. A parent or parents to give me unconditional love - forever."
Someone here on mylots has helped me a lot. I'd assumed she was far older yet she turns out to be 16. She made me see that I was stereotyping young people. Like my neice, she is intelligent, funny, bratty and interesting. And we can talk and joke. I don't want to adopt her, she's actually mature and independent and on her own to some extent and even were she not she has fantastic parents. From how she described them they're just the sort of parent I want to be!
However she's shown me what I've been saying but maybe not believing fully, one, age doesn't define a person and you can't make blanket statements about any age group, culture, or social status - any group.
So, were I talking, I'd need to take a breath -that was a long thought! Are your friends older, younger, same age or a mix? Is it random?
7 people like this
29 responses
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
20 Aug 07
My husband have just started hanging out with a bunch of couples from his work. There are couples that are 10 yrs younger than us and couples that are 10 yrs older than us. So we are in the middle. It is great because when we get together, it is like we are all the same age. We have a blast together.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
I think that's great. Its funny my sister-in-law was saying how difficult it was to find couples to hang out with. Either one of them likes one of them and hates the other or vice-versa. Maybe they should try just hanging out in a group!
2 people like this
@Aurone (4755)
• United States
20 Aug 07
All of the above. I look for compatibility of soul rather than age. I have a friend who is my mother's age, I also have some college friends who are younger than me and of course I have friends my own age. I figure as long as we get along, and each gets something good from the relationship whether it be a confidant, adviser or a lunch buddy, then why should age matter? I was drawn to older men when I was younger as well, but I ended up marrying a man only one year older than me. I never look at age with my friends on mylot either, I just answer the discussions I find of interest and pay special attention to the peoples who "voice" I like.
4 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
I'm the same. Whatever the age, I'm interested in what people have to say and mylot allows me a venue to do so. I too have a friend who is more a mom's age. In fact its an old friends mom and she stays in contact more than him. She calls and writes letters - not e-mails and makes things for my baby. My husband is one year younger. I always joke that women live longer anyway!
Thanks for your reply
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Aug 07
Good Post! I have found that age has nothing to do with maturity or intelligence. I have found answers given by a member of 18 years age better than her senior members. I conclude...that age necessarily does not bring maturity. YOu intelligence depends upon lot of factors and age may be one of them. My friends here and in real life are younger, older and similar to my age and I enjoy company of all of them.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Aug 07
Thanks for your comments! I find no difficulty while communicating and bonding with my friends, irrespective of their age (and gender).
Have a nice day!
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
I think thats not only wonderful, but of vast importance when moving about in the 'real world'. Its important to get along with people of varying social circles. Being able to communicate with people of different ages is a valuable skill.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I have a lot of friends and they're all a big mix, meaning, of different races, both sexes and all different ages. Everyone has a different view on things in which has broaden my horizens a bit in my way of thinking. Not to say that I was narrow minded but that I didn't have as broad way of thinking like I do now.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
It is true, we learn so much from our friends, and by gaining others perspectives, we do broaden our own. I think its great that you don't let these things limit your choice of friends.
2 people like this
@vijay1wdv (357)
• India
20 Aug 07
Almost all of my friends are of the same age as me. The reason is that, we study in school, in college and meet a lot of people in our age and generally the chance of meeting someone younger or older might be likely but you socialize with those of your age easily. But there are exceptions like, relatives, juniors, etc...
@Malyck (3425)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
My friends have always been a mix of ages, because I was in the same boat as you when I was younger (and still now, at 16)
I have younger friends who are interesting, intelligent people who i don't judge or dismiss just because of their age.
My closest friends are within my peer group (give or take 2 years), but I have always gotten along with my parents friends and older people who give me the time of day.
I have friendships with many of my teachers because I'm always up for learning and discussion, and I'm not "the typical teenager", whatever that is.
My parents have always spoken to me as an equal, and I think it's important for others to. I hate being a book judged by its cover -
an 'alternative'-looking, pierced teenager.
I choose to express a certain area of my personality through my appearance, but that doesn't influence my personality or intelligence whatsoever.
I might have wandered a little off topic =P
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
You win the prize! But its all related. We shouldn't ever judge or make assumptions based on age, colour, creed, religion, backround - or anything of the like.
I think for me, I knew not to make blanket statements, but sometimes there is such a wide expanse between knowing and truly realizing something as I replied to someone else. I think the fact that I was an altie too as a teenager - mainly the bookworm type - invisi-goth though as I term it. Some goth sensibilities, but nothing that can be plainly see, if anything, I've always dressed more artistically.
Its frustrated to be judged by appearance. You know how older women will say they're younger? I would do the opposite - should've have put that in your honesty discussion but hadn't thought of it. I would say I was older - and you know what - no one questioned it. Its not that I looked older but...
Interesting what you say about your appearance reflecting your personality a bit as I wrote a post about whether appearance is a true indicator of work ethic or competancy, laziness etc. You know, like computer geeks, brilliant guys going to interviews in ripped pants and such. And the different ways I'm treated one day to the next depending on how I'm dressed. I guess I just talk about things I'm interested in finding out what others think of in 'real life'....
Okay I stole the prize from you! :)---
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
omg give the girl a tiara and a kewpie doll. You and your fiance should go to massage school. You can just wear scrubs. I hated it though. If they had been dark red or black it would've been different.
1 person likes this
@Malyck (3425)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
OH MY! You darn prize-stealer!
Unfair! "referee, red card her!... she called me a bad word"
LOL.
=D
Unrelated: have you checked your myspace today? you should.
*nods most sincerely*
yeah, I've always hated the idea that you should dress to suit a certain style so that people treat you with respect.
i go to a public high school in Australia where we have a uniform, but it's really only a guideline that they couldn't force upon someone.
this guideline is extremely ambiguous, too:
black pants, a white tshirt and a black jumper if necessary.
there's also a tartan-ish-print skirt.
obviously, no midriff or too much exposed flesh is required, but all the same,
I show up to school in some black cargo pants, a big white tshirt from my parents work (Coat of Arms Tattoo Studio) and a little eyeliner.
another group of girls come to school in 10" long skirts, low-cut white tops.
I get called into the office and spoken to for my appearance because I'm "a smart girl and should know better." The way I dress didn't reflect my intelligence, and I gave the school a bad name because I didn't look like every body else.
When I ask about the other girls, who are in all the lower classes and certainly shouldn't be anyone's rolemodel, I'm told that they meet the requirements.
What a joke, right?!
So, I decided that I'd purchase some of the skirt material and make a knee-length pleated skirt and personalise it a little. I come to school in that and the button up white blouse.
I got called in again, being told that the skirt is only allowed to be an A-line or pencil design.
yeah, because all of us can walk and sit so easily in those things!
Nowhere in the uniform code does it mention this, and yet I'm the one who's in trouble again.
what really made me laugh after this was the quarterly newsletter that came home not long after this: (i paraphrase)
"we're hoping to improve the uniform, as this will earn us more respect within the community and will better the behaviour of the students. after the uniform is in check, people will be able to focus more on individual students and their academic achievements."
I mean what sort of drivel is that?!
Next year, I'm definitely bringing my pleated skirt back out, it's just so cool!
*rightfully takes back award, prize money and title*
=D
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
Sounds like you have lot to say - pass on to others and also you're likely open to receiving information. I think its great the wide range of ages in your life!
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
20 Aug 07
I am on the older end of my friends - I have a few that are older, but most of them are a year or two younger than me. Just a coincidence, I think.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
My husband is a year younger, but as you get out of your teens, this means less and less - a year or so. Thanks cute penguin! I just adore penguins.
1 person likes this
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
20 Aug 07
To your dismay ... most of my friends are older than me by at least five years . This has helped me quite a lot in arriving at decisions when I am unsure . The mature mindedness of my elderly friends saved me from many a hardship.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
Why to my dismay? I think its great.
1 person likes this
@scarywhitegirl (2766)
• United States
20 Aug 07
The ages of my friends vary pretty widely. Before we moved, I was almost the oldest of the group, with just one friend who was older than me and all the rest in their 20s, generally speaking. Since we've moved, I think the majority of my friends are probably older than me, though I'm not 100% sure on some of their ages.
I'm always in an odd position when it comes to friends because I look so much younger than I am, that I tend to attract younger friends. My fiance is quite a bit younger than me, and he's my best friend. :)
@bharatibajaj (133)
• India
20 Aug 07
Hi!Well, when it comes to 'Friendship'as such, the age is no bar.The bond is so unique that it is incomparable to any other.Thus the saying...True Friends are rare,so keep them with care!I have quite a many friends who are of all age groups & I must say that they have been of immense help to me in all walks of life,have stood by my side at times of distress.GOD bless them with all the happiness required for whatever & wherever they are.
BEST WISHES,
www.creatingcolourfulfuture.com
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
I love that saying - I've never heard it but will file it away. Can you e-mail that web address - I want to check it out but I'm busy answering all my discussion and may take hours!
1 person likes this
@ayseteyze (214)
• Turkey
20 Aug 07
my friends are generally from my age. because i really find it hard to communicate with older people. and by older i mean like 20 years older. on the other hand, there is a friend of mine who really thinks that the people at those ages can be really good friends. actually she has a couple of friends at those ages. and while i contnue to believe that there can not be really a lot of things that we can have in common, she insists on the opposite. i don't know but it still seems to me that i wouldn't enjoy such a friendship.
@divinelight (90)
•
20 Aug 07
Well from my childhood till today(now im married)..ive had many friends who changed from time to time..ive had friend of all ages..they tend to get along pretty well with me..most of them are of my age group..but i do have friends who r elder to me..my hubby is elder to me..n he is my best friend.even in my office i have my boss n elderly employee as my good friends.my english teacher used to be my good friend too..its all about how we connect with them..
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
you are so right divinelight it all how we all connect to each other that determines friendship!
1 person likes this
@janacck (5)
• United States
20 Aug 07
Most of my friends are 4+ years older than me. I don't really relate to people my own age. I am 23 and most of the people my age that I know are single and are still out partying every night! My late 20's friends are on the same level as me and my husband.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
I can understand that. I finished my last leg of school when I got pregnant (I have a nine month old ) and even the ones who were parents - and there must be something in the water because most were - and they were young -starting at 18 years mostly to about 24 on average - and even the 18 year olds had one or two kids already! - even these were more interested in partying then studying - every night. Thnks Jancck.
1 person likes this
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I have friends of all ages! I teach nursing at our local college. Many of the students are young enough to be my children and others of the students are my age. I end up being very good friends with some of these students and continue to see them after they graduate. I have good friends who are the age of my parents. To me, friendship has no age limits!
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
crazynurse, I think that's great. Its not good to put limits on friendship like age.
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2075)
• China
20 Aug 07
all friends online are younger than me, now more and more youngers surf online everyday, and most of them are 18-24 years old.
in real life, all my friend are older than me, some are my classmates and some are my boyfriend's friends. Frankly, i like making friends with some people who are younger than me or much older than me.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
wonderfulone, I think its great that you don't limit your friends by age - I hope you don't have other limiting factors, like religion - or lack of, colour, gender etc. Have fun fun fun.
1 person likes this
@annkenline (337)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I think it is just a "connection" you have with people and age doesn't matter (especially when you are over 40...maybe even 30) I have so many friends who are my mothers age which seems wierd at times because we have so much in common. It is like we are in the same place mentally.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
Again, I'm pleasantly suprized to find yet another who feels the same way. With most discussions, both disagreement and agreement is interesting, something like this is so nice to hear that one more barrier doesn't exist with most people, there are too many barriers to communication already. Thank you annkenline.
1 person likes this
@beekay (421)
• India
20 Aug 07
Does it really matter whether your friend is of your age, younger or older ?
For me , It does not really matter. Cus almost all my friends are of my age and almost all internet friends are either older then me or younger then me.
What matters is the faith and loyality and Responsibility you have towards your friend.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
beekay, those are excellent points. It seems we are in agreement. The nice thing is, although I haven't yet gotten through all of my responses - is that so many seem to think the same way. This discussion and ones like it are ones I will think of when I hear negative things about the world and its denizens - when I hear stories of the lines drawn between souls of age, creed, religion and such.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
Are you happy with the friends you have? That's what's really important crinne. :)
1 person likes this
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I've found that I've always had friends that are older. Whether it be a few years or many years older. I have friends the same age, but many of them don't have kids and are not married and can't relate to my life at the moment. They don't understand that I can't just go out on a whim & that I have to find a baby-sitter and its not always easy.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
20 Aug 07
Yes, I just had a baby - I used to be that friend. But I understood - not from first hand knowledge but empathy and cut them a break. The rewards and adventures to having a baby are well worth the sacrifice I think.
Do you find you're pulling away to the ones who're your age?
1 person likes this
