How could one make a CHOICE between your partner or your family?

Thank you for your reply SarahRuthhbeth22. Believe me, I have talked and talked and talked for hours and even days with my partner, and he wont change, and he keeps saying how much he hates my dad. And I kept asking him to change his ways because he is hurting my feelings more than he could imagine, but it's all for nothing. he cannot leave, as he works, and he can't go anywhere else, than stay at his home. I wish I could find a place for my dad, but I was unable until now, and the situation is only escalating

Hi Danishcanadian, thanks for replying. The problem is that no one wants me to choose anything. The problem stays however. My partner knows that my father can't go anywhere else as he is without anyone else here than me, and cannot afford to go and stay in hotels or whatever. It will be also shameful to expect that from him, that he has a daughter where he can't even stay at her home for a week or two.

Thanks for the reply Rosie. My partner can go nowhere, he is working, and where we live - he has no family living, so he cant moove somewhere else for 2 weeks. The same thing goes for him too, we cannot afford hoteld, just as my father cannot afford to go and stay in a hotel. And it's not for 2 weeks a year , but it's 4 times a year for 2 weeks at the time. Last time that my father was here he stayed for 4 weeks, and when he left we had such a fight, my partner and me, that we almost broke up. And I said this in an earlier reply - if we break up and go our separate ways - we will be totally broke as we have a mortgage and many loans, unfortunately, and no savings whatsoever. This situation is really bad and i trully wish to find a solution and soon. thanks

Since my previous answer had a psychoanalysis that was way off (sorry I get carried away at times), I shall not analyze again. Forgiveness is very hard to instill in another person. I have a sister that is very unforgiving towards other members of my family. She absolutely avoids them..won't have anything to do with them. Hard for your partner to do, since your father comes to visit you regularly. Since both you and your partner get upset in one way or another when your father visits, perhaps he shouldn't stay at your home when he visits. I hope you can figure something out so that you don't have to go through this each time your father visits The Netherlands. PEACE

Thank you for your reply Fpd1955. No, my father does nothing on purpose to upset my partner. My partner however acts very cold, unfriendly, and doesn't even talk to my dad. So much so that I have to ask him and than tell my dad this and that, like what will be there for dinner and such. And if my dad coocks something that I love my partenr demonstratively DOES NOT even want to touch the food, which is delicious just to make me mad, and make him feel like nobody, if you know what I mean. Than gets upset why my dad hasn't cooked earlier (before my husband gets home, which is unreasonable because it will mean that my father will have to eat in the late afternoon instead of in the evening...)And many more of this kind of things. It build up, and I am about to explode with each and every day more and more. The hate my partner feels for my dad stems from a happening of like 15 years ago,when my father did not help me in a situation. My partner cannot forgive him for this matter while I have forgiven it long ago. isn't this a stupid reason? It was something that concirned me, so I am the one that should have been upset, if I chose so, but i haven't - so my partner is acting on purpose here, and whatever I say in regards he only gets upset with me, and states that I am crazy to love my father still etc.etc etc. For everything else my partner and I have a terrific life together and are best mates and all you want, but he doesnt want anyone in his home for more than a few days, and especially my dad he doesnt want here, which is absurd really, as I said - this home is as much mine as it is his.

Good luck. my family disagreements going on 4 years with no luck in a solution.

Hi Raychill, and thank you for answering and I appreciate your views here. And I will not focus myself on choosing but rather on a solution, and am hoping to find it soon enough. Thans and God Bless

Hi Orchefall, thanks for your reply. My partner feels that he is already doing too much by accepting my dad 4 times a year here, and staying for 1 2 weeks at the time. he will not and is not acting friendly however, and I have to put up with it and so my dad. I replied also earlier - my dad has no one than me. My dad is not rich and cannot afford to go to a hotel, as the cheapest one here in the town is at $80 per day, can you imagine that for 14 days will be the amount that my father has for a month with his pension, with which he has to do ? And what am I supposed to tell my dad while talking with him? "Dad, I am sorry but do not come here as I am risking my realtionship with my paartner for you?" I'll be damned if I do that to him - he is my dad and he needs me, and it will kill him. He is ILL - and could get an other stroke from it, besides he is coming here to be checked and get his medicines etc when he comes every 3 month. Thanks

Thank you Liranglo for your reply here. And I think too that I don't have to choose at all in this situation, and that somehow a solution will be there this time.

Hi Susieq and thank you for your reply in this discussion. And yes, we will be both at a big loss, my partner and me If you check my earlier answers you'll be able to read that we are toether for over 26 years, a life time, huh, and the reason why he hates my dad is that my dad didn't help me years ago in a situation, and my partner cannot forgive him for it, even though I did, and it concirned myself only. And leaving him, breaking up with my partner will ruin us both and we will end up on the street due to loans and the mortgage. We are not youngsters any longer, as I'll be 43 in a few weeks and my partner is 20 years older than me... Thank you and God Bless

Hi Whyaskq, thank you for dropping by and being part of this discussion :) I explained in one of my answers that it is indeed my partners problem with what my father didn't do years ago to help me. Rediculous really, but that's him. No way that them two could go and do something together as my partner wont do anything together with my dad, I explained earlier in one of the anwers that he doesnt even wants to touch the food if my dad has cooked. And doesnt even wants to exchange a word with him. Very un-civilized behaviour of him, if you ask me, and I hope to be able to come with a solution now before SEeptember the 1st when my dad will be here again.

Hi Michecu, Thanks for your reply, and I liked it a lot erspecially the part" leave both of them on an island all by themselves and perhaps they will be able to work out their differences while in the process of finding ways to survive"... This would really be great if at all possible, it's not an option here however :( and I feel really stuck

Hi Nikkiwith, thank you for replying, and I will try to fix the situation somehow, as my partner is the one acting, and not my dad. And I hope to come up with something this time