housewives and sahm - how do you work finances?

I come at this problem with two views. The first is that whatever money either of us makes is our money. My husband has been the primary worker for the past 9 years while I raise our children. I have worked at night waitressing again as I did in college just to get that adult time and some extra money. I found on the days after I worked I had a lot more patience with the kids. I went back to school and got my teacher certificate so that now that both are in school full time this year I am ready to start my career. The second view is that although my husband has never made me ask for money or feel as if the money is his, I feel better knowing I have contributed money to the house and don't feel as quilty buying new shoes just because. One of the things we do is all the money goes into one account the bills are paid then whatever is left goes into an account with a debit card and either one of us have access. Noboby knows whether it is his money or mine. We have done this years even when I wasn't working. Also, he never felt quilty dipping into my cash tips the mornings after I worked for coffee money. Also, you will never just be Amy again you are forever Mommy. Which is not a bad thing.

I guess you just have to figure out what works best for you and your family. When I got married, we kept everything separate. We still do for the most part. I have my credit cards and my own bank account. My hubby has his own stuff too. It was hard at first as my hubby saw us as a team and thought we should share everything. I kept my stuff so I wouldn't lose myself. I haven't worked since we found out we were going to have a baby. That baby is now 5 years old. Basically, my bank account became a savings account. I have total and complete control of my hubby's bank account. I don't ask him for money, I just take the money as I need it. I handle all the bills so he never even thinks twice about how the money is being spent. I am better with the money than he is. It works for us. As far as spending the money he earns on him for bdays and stuff, I figure as a sahm and housewife, I earn way more than he could ever pay me. So I don't feel any guilt or anything about spending the money on him. Heck, I usually spend a couple hundred on myself for my bday or anniversary. He prefers it that way. I get what I want and he doesn't have to worry about forgetting the dates or having to go shopping in those "awful women's departments".

I think your husband might feel differently about this than you do. You are a team, and he, too, would want what is best for the whole family, rather than being worried about whose money it is. My mom stayed home with us, and it was really good for us, I think. We needed a lot of attention, especially one of my sisters who had a learning disability. Why not talk to your husband about how you feel? Maybe you should get a card on the joint account? You are also providing for your family, by staying home and looking after your child, and you are probably doing a lot of the cooking and cleaning, too. Then again, I can totally understand about wanting to talk to people about adult stuff. It's such a difficult decision. Right now, I make more money than my husband does. (A lot more, especially while he's in school). He still spends money, because it's his, too. We don't differentiate.

You have a couple things going on here... First of all, you should talk to your husband and let him know that although he is providing for you, you feel awkward spending "his" money. Since you are married, it's really everyone's money and he may understand that. I really dont understand the whole my money and his money thing, but it works for some people. Instead of going back to work and leaving your baby, have you considered working from home? There are some great opportunities out there, but you need to do your homework and be careful. I have a work at home that I do part time for additional income. You can have the best of both worlds - stay at home with the baby and also bring some cash into the house.

I went back to work when my son was only 5 weeks old. We had a hospital bill from before we got married that we still had to get paid off (we were paying $400 a month, it wouldn't work into the budget if I hadn't gone back!). I worked until my son was 14 months old. I hated it. When he turned 6 months old, we had that hospital bill paid off, and I cut back to just working Saturdays, so it wasn't so bad. My husband was home with our son, so we didn't have to leave him with a baby sitter. But it really took away from the time that we spent together as a family. When I cut back to just Saturdays, I felt guilty at first, too, because my husband was making so much more money than I was. But I soon got used to it, and realized that it was more important for me to take care of our child than to work. Now I do work from home part time, but it's still not much money. I don't feel guilty about spending money, though, because I know I take good care of my family and my husband appreciates it and doesn't mind that I don't make more money.

I am way past all of that now but if given the chance again I would opt to work part time so I would be Patsie not Garland's wife or Robbie's mother. Although I loved takingcare of house and kids so many times I wanted to talk to another adult about adult things. Maybe a part time job would allow you to be home part of the time with your baby and still let youfeel like Amy again.