How time plays games with you...
By Leca
@lecanis (16647)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
August 22, 2007 10:08pm CST
Completely unthinking, I responded to a couple of discussions recently about either suicide or coming back from the dead... without even thinking how close to the anniversary of the event that caused me to do both these things it was. Strange how sometimes things sneak up on you like that. I wonder perhaps if I could have missed this 11th anniversary of the death of my best friend/sometime lover had those discussions not reminded me, or if I would have woken up tomorrow and sometime during the day realized, or perhaps just dreamed of him tonight.
Time plays games like that. Time loves to play those sorts of games, make some days crawl while others fly, make some things sneak up on you while other pound towards you with the sound of a herd of elephants. Oh mischievous time.
Do you look up some days and just realize it's an anniversary of some sort, of the death of a loved one, or the beginning or end of a relationship? Have you ever missed these anniversaries without realizing it, or been reminded of them by complete coincidence? And how long exactly is a lost love supposed to hurt, even when you've moved on and created a whole new life for yourself?
3 people like this
3 responses
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Yes this has happened to me. There has been times I have anxiously waited for an anniversary to arrive and when it gets here I forget it or almost forget it.
I tent to forget our wedding anniversery that one goes by so fast. We will be celebrating our 30th maybe we will acturally celebrate it. LOL Our kids are gone and we do not have much money so we will not be able to do much. OH well we made it to 30.
2 people like this
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
24 Aug 07
It took 23 years for me to finally allow July 13 to pass me by without thought. That is the anniversary of my brother's accident. I was 13 years old the night my brother was struck by a drunk driver tossing him over the family van and landing him at my feet. He lived for 11 years in a coma state after that, then finally he passed. It was one of two very traumatic days in my life. However two nights later this year, an ambulance pulled up at my neighbor’s house with their lights going. This is a trigger for me, and well I was quickly aware of the date and the events, even though it was two days prior.
I reckon time heals almost all things, but somethings will never leave completely to allow us peace. I did ok that night this year, no tears, no panic attacks, just a flash of memories screaming through my head, then they were gone. I owned them and controlled them. A few years ago I would have collapsed into them. I would have lost my breath in hysteria of reliving that moment and unable to come out of it. I would have had to swallowed a few mouth fulls of straight Wild Turkey to quickly numb myself. Then I would have retired to bed to drown myself in hate & sorrow filled tears.
My point here, yes I have one, is in time we heal some and we gain control over our pain, but it’s always there. However eventually we have a choice to either allow them to continue to take us over or we take them over and we just let them be. That’s what happened finally, I said no more. So now the day can come and I am OK. The triggers can go off and I am OK. Thing in life happen that will tear our hearts out, but one day we will be OK.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
24 Aug 07
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, sunshinecup. I'm glad to hear that you are healing and gaining control over your pain. I think for the most part I am doing so as well... but right now with all the other things I have going on in my life, like my health issues... it just hit me harder than usual.
I think I have so many triggers at this point I could make my own arsenal... but slowly I am weeding through them. It's just that the whole first 18 years of my life was like one trauma after another... and this one in particular hit hard both because I found him after he shot himself and because he had been my hope for the future at that time. But I guess from the perspective of myself all those years ago, my future now is so much better than I could have ever imagined it, even counting my health problems, so I guess I can't help but get better. =)
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
28 Aug 07
I think you have had way too much sorrow to bear and I 'see' your spirit is bruised and dented. At some point you will come to understand that while time may seem our enemy; sneaking around and dropping memories in our faces or racing ahead when we want to go slowly and cruising nonchalantly along when we're in a hurry; you have to take charge and make it work for you. Keep yourself busy, invest your energies in thoughts and actions that will steer you away from the pain and hurt and sadness so that your reflections will be joyous and happy. It IS a choice you can make ...it's YOUR life after all. You own everything about yourself. Sweet thoughts, pleasant dreams and happy times to you my friend.
