Would you let your child do this alone?

Well I do not have kids, nor did I have a younger sibling I watched grow up (i was the younger sibling) but I don't think it was too big of a deal. I don't know, I think that sometimes people think the world is a lot worse than it is. That's not to say the world isn't perfect and that's not to say you should think "that'll never happen to me" cause you never know. But that is to say that you shouldn't be scared all the time of everything. Most 9 year olds that I've ever known (family, friends siblings/kids, neighbors and complete strangers) seem to have a pretty good handle on themselves that they can use the bathroom by themselves. I mean, from what I remember when you're in school...Kindergarten has a bathroom in the classroom but once you go to first grade you have to use the bathroom by yourself... and sure you're in school but these days we've learned that school isn't a safe haven. I wouldn't have been so rude about it and if the child wanted me to go with them I would have, but I don't think it was necessarily a bad thing for the kid to go to the bathroom themselves.

By American standards, we Indian parents are always tooooooo overprotective of our kids but even this was way beyond my expectations. My idea was like OK you people have different cultures, different perspectives but the basic is definitely similar to ours, give or take a few hiccups more or less (this is from whatever posts on daily experiences I have gathered at Mylot). I was sure that parents the world-over were protective of their children, some show it some don’t but you have to draw the line somewhere. Why, even insane people have some thoughts of protection over their children. I don’t know whether your bro-in-law was plain nuts, or lazy or trying to bring up his kid as the next David Livingston or what, but my opinion says you are absolutely within your sanity to be scared and jittery about this incident. No child should have to go through this in order to ‘grow up’.

By American standards, we Indian parents are always tooooooo overprotective of our kids but even this was way beyond my expectations. My idea was like OK you people have different cultures, different perspectives but the basic is definitely similar to ours, give or take a few hiccups more or less (this is from whatever posts on daily experiences I have gathered at Mylot). I was sure that parents the world-over were protective of their children, some show it some don’t but you have to draw the line somewhere. Why, even insane people have some thoughts of protection over their children. I don’t know whether your bro-in-law was plain nuts, or lazy or trying to bring up his kid as the next David Livingston or what, but my opinion says you are absolutely within your sanity to be scared and jittery about this incident. No child should have to go through this in order to ‘grow up’.

What we have is two views: 1) A child must grow up and learn to find his/her own way (undoubtedly true) 2) A child should be protected wherever possible (equally true) At sometime, like in the example, these views are going to clash and a judgment must be made. The father made a judgment, you would have made a different one. Although I would tend towards protection, you have to allow parents to make their own judgments, so there is nothing to be gained and a risk of embarrassing the child if an argument breaks out. The only good remedy in this situation would have been maybe to say 'actually where are the bathrooms?' and follow at a suitable distance as if you were going as well. If any harm had come..... well... enough said!

You are not wrong at all! Even as an adult, I always try to get a friend to go with me.... OR I ask the waiter to point out the bathroom before wandering around. I don't think "growing up" necessarily means doing things alone. I'm 26 and I still don't go shopping alone at night unless I absolutely need too AND someone knows I'm going. You can never be too cautious... well unless you actually sat in the stall with him!

As a grandmother, I will address your question. There are always going to be times when we disagree with relatives over the way they handle their children. The hardest thing to do is believe they are doing the best for their child. There is no child that I know of who comes with a book of directions at any age. Each child is different and so are parents. I have two grown children with children of their own. To hear them talk I was a terrible parent, but to watch them with their own children, they are repeating the same things they thought were so terrible. The older they get the smarter they see me as being. The older their children get, the more they ask me for advice. Funny, how things change. One of the things I learned as a parent, who had an older brother with children, we all disagree as to how to raise our children. Sometimes the best thing to do is agree to disagree. Trust me, your sister and brother-in-law were probably well aware how long the child was gone from the table and would have been the first to check on him had it been too long. Don't bring bad things into your experience. There is a spiritual principle that I learned a long time ago and it says "We bring into our experience that which we fear the most." Don't spend your life being afraid or you might attract it. Enjoy life, and pick your battles carefully.

I think a 9 year old boy should not be going to the bathroom alone in a public place. Someone should of at least walked him to the bathroom and waited for him outside the door. Something could of happened. You never know. I'm glad everything was okay, but dang, what if?

My son is 7 and there are some places I will let him go to the restroom by himself and some I do not. If it is a restaraunt we know and he knows where to go then I will let him go by himself. But if I can't see the restroom area from where we are sitting, I don't let him go by himself.

Definately you are not over protective. I will never ever let my daughter alone ( she is 8 years old ). especially in a strange place. well we don't know what will happen but all I know not all people are good what about if they kinnapped the kids, I don't want to regret it for all my life. try to secure the child is good and that's not meant that you are over protective. I let my children alone if I already knew the place and the peoples but I still remind her if something happen run & scream and always wear your hand phone. in my country kidnapping a child is a one of the hottest crime right now. I guess if you had a child you are a good parent since you care a lot.

I dont have a kid that oud yet but I would not have let my child go alone or anyone elses for that matter, I understand your position (you didnt want start anything with your brother inlaw ) (who by the way seems like he might be a bit of a jerk) I would understand having a kid go to the restroom alone if you all could have seen the bathroom from your table, but h%!! not not thru the bar!!!!!! That wouldnt even be in my opinion if it was a teen age boy! Especially not in a area or resteraunt that you dont know at all! I think you were right to worry and be to be ticked at your sister. If I were you maybe you might want to hae a 1 on 1 talk with her maybe theres something going on that would make her "scared"of her husband. Maybe not but I dont think she was that hungry that her food couldnt have waited 5 minutes if it ment her son not having to go thru the bar alone!

Hi, it does sound scary to me too, and i think i would also have gone along with the child. No, i dont think its over protectiveness or anything like that. Had it been another place which he was familiar with, then it was alright to let him go alone as they ought to learn to fend for themsleves that age, provided the areas safe and known to the kids. But this was out of the blue in total wilderness and anythig could have happened. I for one, would have taken my kids to a safa distance, even half way if i had to and stood out and waited nearby, for his return, just to make sure, as what if something had happened, what would they have done. Your sister too should have gone, or maybe shes following what her husband felt right for their child, after all they are the parents and know whats best for their child, we are no one to interfere. But, personally i would never have done a thing like this, after all they are still kids and need to learn a lot about the outside world yet. And there is a lot of time for them as yet to learn to be all alone too, agreed training needs to be done, but that should be at a different place and where the kids are safe too. Each person to their own views and opinions, but this is what i feel personally.

I would have made sure he got to the bathroom ok. I think one of our jobs as parents is to protect our children. If I'm in an unfamiliar place with my kids and I don't even know for sure where the bathroom is, how can I expect my 9 year old to know??? Sounds to me like your brother in law just didn't want to be bothered and was more interested in eating than taking care of his kids. Hell, a NINE year old doesn't need to "grow up". He's freaking NINE! As a father I'd be sending the wrong message to my kid by sending him looking around a strange place for a bathroom by himself. I'd be sending the message, "I care about ME more than you and I want to eat." Besides, you are near a bar, and I've spent more time in those places than I probably should have. I sure don't want my 9 year old in a bathroom alone with a drunk. There are so many things can go wrong with that, it scares me to think about it. You are right to be worried. His parents should be ashamed.

NO. It's that simple - No I would not let my child or anyone else's child that is with me, go to a public toilet alone. It is not being nervous or overprotective. It is being cautious and responsible. If it means taking 1,2 or 7 children at the same time, so be it! Children are just that - Children. It is our responsibility as a parent to make sure they are safe whenever and wherever possible, even if the child is a sensible one. If you are not the child's parent, but are available for parental duties, then you just do it - no questions asked. Excuse yourself and go to the Bathroom too if need be! Yes children do need to "grow up" and they will - in time. Note to self: A visit to a public toilet for a child should ALWAYS involve at least 2 people - The Child AND an Adult the child knows well.

You are not over-protective at all! And I agree with alot of what everybody else has said! But really the "father" needs to grow up. Sure a 9 year old can go to the bathroom by himself if you were at a place you knew well, or a place where you knew it was safe enough to go alone, but in a place like that (where you were) - the "father" needs to get his head straight and grow up.

I think I've heard of way too many stories where kids have had bad encounters with strangers in bathrooms, or just plain been snatched, to feel comfortable with this. Luckily for me, when we do have kids, my husband is really patient with kids. And very aware of how paranoid I am. Kids do need to learn to be independent, but I'd be more comfortable with this in a controlled environment, ie., I could see the door of the washroom.

I have a 10 year old nephew so I can relate to this. My brother is also simular to the brother in law...always wanting the kids-my nephew mostly-to do the "grown up" thing. I don't think you were wrong or overprotective. Had it been me, when I realized they were going to send him alone I would have said Hey, hold on, I have to go too. And went along too. I've had to do that before. My brother will let the kids go off to ppl's houses to see their friends that he doesn't even know. I don't know if its just they want them to grow up fast or if they just don't realize the dangers but I worry about the perv's out there. HAVE A GOOD DAY!! AT PEACE WITHIN

I agree with you! Life is way too short to take chances with your Little Boys. I raised 4 boys and they are precious! At that age a boy needs to know someone cares. And these days you never know whats going on, especially when there are people drinking at the Bar. If I had been you, in that situation I would have taken my son to the door of the mens room and waited for him to come out. You are not over protective at all, just cautious. I think you are a Very Good Mother!

I think that in that situation I would have accompanied the child (or been irritated that the parents didn't). How would they have felt if he went outside thinking maybe the bathroom doors were outside (some places -- especially rustic places do that) then got lost in the mountains? Or worse, fell down a crevice or something. If it's a familiar place, somewhere that the family eats regularly I can understand that attitude. But I think that in the situation you were in it was irresponsible.

No you are not being overprotective. You are being a smart and sensible aunt who knows the world is not the same when we were younger. As you know, Dannie is now 10 years old, and I would not have let her gone by herself in this situation. You are in a place that you don't know or know the people there and anything could have happened. I would have followed your nephew even if it was for my own piece of mind. Growing up has nothing to do with taking the chance of being kidnapped or, for that matter, getting lost in a strange place. Growing up has to do with taking responsiblities in your life. That includes watching over your kids in unfamiliar places. 7

I don't think you were wrong at all. It's a strange place, he had to go thru the bar, it was too close to the door. Does the kid maybe have to go to the bathroom a lot? The reason I ask is that my brother used to do that when he was a kid. We couldn't go anywhere without him having to check out the bathroom and he'd spend a long time in there. I'm wondering if that's maybe the source of his dad's irritation. It would be different if it was a place close to home where you went often and were comfortable with, but only a little different. It does seem crazy that you have to follow kids around everywhere nowadays to protect them from creepos but it's just the way it is. I don't think I would have let my nephew go alone and would have been really nervous as well. I totally agree with you. I wonder what's up that neither of his parents thought there was anything wrong with that. The world is just too scary a place when you think that kids get stolen right out of their own houses and yards by pervs. No sense letting them have it easier by letting kids wander around in bars all alone. I'm really glad it turned out OK, Patty. Enjoy the rest of your vacation :) Funny that you should bring this up today as I was walking my SIL's dog yesterday in a very nice city park. It's brand new and beautiful and oddly enough only me and Misty (the dog) were there. She got thirsty so I took her porta bowl and head toward the bathroom house thingie and some guy came out from around the corner and just stood there looking at me. I was so glad I had the dog with me. I calmly walked into the bathroom with the dog and locked the door. I was so mad I left my cellphone in the car which was on the other side of the park. I waited there for a while til I calmed down and then we ran the heck out of there and back to my car. It was very scary and proves that scary things like that happen when we least expect it.