cliche on First LOVE

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Tomorrow will be 4th month that me and my ex-girlfirend broke-up unofficially and 2 months officially. The reason why there is unofficial and official break up's is just formality sake and simply clarity on both sides whether which the relationship could be still saved or down to drains. The unofficial break up is for the reason that she only called me on my phone a day after I left for Manila it was summer vacation here in Philippines and there was so little thing I could do but be sad, on the other hand the official break-up was when we confronted each other and try to settle arguements and etcetera...but still we see each other, and go together else where and do what usually lovers' do even if we are not being binded by the word "in-a-relationship"..She was my first girl friend in 9 months, to be clear 9 secret months. She's a single-mom which I dont mind, her parents doesnt want her to be in another relationship yet, her ex-boyfriend/father of her daughter still wants to get back with her which she doesnt want to, so here comes me i was 19 years old then single since birth then days later when we met each other we fell in love. So the early months of our relatioship was great then later good the latest now complicated. i tried to understand her reasons why she cant keep up her feeling to me and all she could answer i have many more problems than the past relationship.So i understood and i believe myself that I can move on that easy but still its so difficult, i tried to divert my attentions to many stuff ,like meeting new friends, focusing on my studies, church activities, family time, and even some drinking and smoking which still i falter when she there trying to make friends with me, teasing me which she usually do before when we were still together, and its a damned torture knwoing i'm still in love with her yet i dont know if she still loves me the way i do. What must be done so i could get over her? or hoping to be with her again helps? she's open to many possibilities of us getting back but not for now...everything right now is so complicated and when i love her so much, i also get hurt so much...that's first love, never dies, even the pain in the heart hurt's like hell...as i ponder on this thought " silent love is a torture for someone who seeks and craves for what love is"...