Is it possible to stay friends with your ex-husband for the sake of the kids?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
September 5, 2007 5:49am CST
Personally, I can't imagine that Britney Spears and her ex-husband K-Fed could ever be friends after the divorce. Too much animosity! But, other celebrity couples (or ex-couples) like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore seem to get along just fine (at least publicly) and they are no longer married.
I could never imagine having someone leave me and then still be their friend. Just not going to happen, kid or no kid. Sorry! That's just how I feel. So, how about you? If your spouse left you, would you still be able to be his friend, or at least civilized in front of the children. Do you think that you can ever be friends with an ex?
5 people like this
15 responses
@mummymo (23706)
•
5 Sep 07
Yes - I don't just think it - I know it! My ex and I really felt a lot of bitterness towards each other when we first split up but when you have children (or as in our case a child) their needs come first - they deserve to have a relationship with both of their parents. We maintained a civil front for the sake of our son which over the years has turned into friendship, my ex always backs me up with our son and will not allow him to be cheeky or disrespectful! Bottom Line, in my opinion at least is that once you have children their needs come before your own feelings or pride - I hate when people make their kids life a misery after they split! xxx
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Would never want to make my kid miserable. But it would take me awhile to be civilized to him in his presence. I suppose if I didn't have to talk to him after he left or see him then I could be civilized. But, I know him, it would take years for us to be friends again. Many years.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
6 Sep 07
I pray that never happens to you honey! There was physical abuse going on in my marriage which made things even harder but it is NEVER (or at least very, very rarely) easy. It has taken us 13 years to get to the point of friendship but I always managed to put on a civil facade for my son even before our friendship started to build! xxx
@khazeemee (288)
• Philippines
5 Sep 07
of course, and it's a choice that both parties should initiate because there is other young kids who also involved on their separate ways, and they should know how to handle such cases when they've decided to break-up. parents has the responsibility on their children and being a friend with your ex-wife/husband is a good chance to show your kids that you loved and value them.
@DixieP (1)
• United States
5 Sep 07
I believe if there are children involved in a break-up in a relationship that everything needs to be done to keep the child from feeling that the break-up is their fault.
I a think it can be good to be friends with an ex.
Unless, of course the break up happened because of abuse of any kind. In cases where domestic violence is a factor children and the abused partner need protection from the abuser.
I am on good terms with my ex-husband. I wanted my child to feel close to his dad. I do not regret sharing custody with him. I will say that I did not want to divorce but, he did. I was hurt and angry too. I knew that I did not want to project my hurt and anger upon my son. I did want him to feel secure and to know that he had both of his parents to rely on. For him I swallowed my pride. I have no regrets about doing that.
My ex has been a very good friend to me. I know I could have made him my enemy had I not been thinking of how it would affect my son.
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
11 Sep 07
Yes I could- You do what you have to for your kids- And your kids need you to be civil to their dad- It’s hard- it is—but I am civil- It’s the best thing for my daughter- I left him—so that may be different- But even so- I think a parents responsibility is to give their children the best- that means dealing with an ex.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I think it really depends on the couple. Hubby and his ex would kill each other if they had to be friendly but my Mom and Dad have been divorced for over 30 years and they are pretty civilized to each other now. Not buddies but they can be around each other.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I don't know if I could be friendly towards my husband if he ever became my ex. I guess it depends on how we broke up. For the kids sake it is important to at least be civil. When my parents divorced I half expected them to be arguing when they had to be around each other, but surprisingly they were civil. As time went by they became more friendly with each other, though they certainly weren't friends. They don't keep in touch, unless there is a family emergency (like when my 7 year old was hospitalized) and they aren't around each other unless there is a special occasion like my kids birthday.
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
6 Sep 07
Hello beautyqueen26,
No, it is a big NO for me. I don't think I can be just friend to my ex-husband. Even when I broke up with my boyfriend, I didn't want to know anything about him anymore. I don't think I can bear to face my ex-husband after our broken marriage!
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
5 Sep 07
It is important to at least try to be friends. It's not your child's fault that you get a divorce, and they shouldn't be punished for it. Children need to have both parents in their lives, as long as there isn't abuse or something going on.
Some people just can't find it in their hearts to get over a divorce, and that makes it so hard for the kids. It is kind of sad that parents can't stop and remember that their children should come first.
I have heard that my dad's first wife used to always talk bad about my mom to my half sisters when they were little. She also talked bad about my dad, and tried to pick a fight any time they had to meet to get the kids or whatever. It really effected their relationships with both of my parents. Eventually their mom realized what she was doing was wrong, but it was too late then.
@marymarj2002 (1769)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
I think there is nothing wrong with being good with your ex. Especially if you have children it is important that the children will see that the two of you as parents and as their role models that even if you are already separated you still have a good relationship with each other. And afterall you have good memories together and you two are part of each others lives.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
6 Sep 07
the first thing I always do after a break up, is taking advantage of single life. when you are in relationship usually there are things you can't do, so if I ever become single again, I will do these things. I won't forgive or forget what my ex did, but I won't let it ruin my chances to be happy again either. I will be civilized in front of people or children, but I will find a way to get back to him for all the hurts he caused me. So yes, I can be "friends" with my ex.
@DJ9020 (1596)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I think it has to do with priorities. If you are more interested in providing a stable relationship for your children rather than your own hurt feelings. When my parents divorced, my mother was very insistent that I call my father every weekend and go to see him on holidays in during the summer (they moved half a county apart so there were no weekend visits). Even though she had a lot of hard feelings for my father and the way he treated her, I never saw that side of her until I was older. I appreciate the fact that she did not sabotage my relationship with my father, and that he did not try to undermine her in any way. Now, I don't think they were 'friends', but the cooperated in dealing with my brother and me.
@youless (112507)
• Guangzhou, China
6 Sep 07
I think parents should be friends, at least try to be friends with each other for the sake of the kids. Children are very sensitive. It is better for them to grow up in a good family with dad and mom. But unfortunately some have to divorce and the children have to be brought up by a single parent. If they still fight with each other, it's too selfish and it'll be so hurtful for children. They already can't give their children a complete home, so at least they have to have a good relationship with the ex-husband/wife and let the children know even if they are separate, but they still love their children.
@joshboz (1209)
• Australia
5 Sep 07
beauty queen i guess that depends on how the couples broke up. if they accept together that they will/ already broke up then at least the feeling of hatred will be less or absent at all. but if the separatyion is very brutal say your partner just leave you in the air never showed up or there is a third party involve while you still have your relationship then i guess friendship will be harder to be established. another factor is if the divorce couple have already have their own life or new partners then again it will beeasier to establish the friendly relationship because both have already adjusted to a new relationship and the old realtinship could only remain as is(if there is great hatred then it rreamin like that) or it shifted to a more postive form such as friendship.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
6 Sep 07
My ex-husband and I have three children together. It took a little while but we are friends now. He knows he can still talk to me and I can talk to him as well. There was a time that we did nothing but argue, but that was a couple of years ago. We are both remarried and have young daughters with our "new" spouses. I definitely think it is possible to be friends with your ex.
@momscareer2007 (2)
• United States
5 Sep 07
I think it depends on the situation. My ex-husband and I keep it friendly for our daughter's sake. We don't socialize but talk on occasion and we are much better friends than we were as a couple. If there is a bad divorce sometimes it isn't possible but when you can talk and be civil you know that you are over that person and it doesn't really matter.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
5 Sep 07
i don't know if i could do it or not. i guess it would depend how it ended. if he left me for someone else then i think i would have a hard time being his friend. some people do it though. my best friends parents divorced a long time ago and they have always kept things civil between them. any time there is a family gathering on her dads side, her mother is invited also and everyone treats her very well.
