Manic Depression - my thoughts and feelings
By zrosemarie
@zrosemarie (34)
September 5, 2007 9:25am CST
I wrote this a few years ago - to try to explain to online friends what it felt like to have Manic Depression (Bi-Polar).
Everyone's life is like being on a sea-saw - but most people's sea-saw's are small and gently rock to and fro - with good days and bad, happy and sad times - time passes.
But with Manic Depression - I have been given a very special gift of having a far bigger sea-saw on which to live - but with this gift - like many other things in life there is a price to pay - I have had to learn to balance - and it has not been easy.
I have found that the place I like to be is far above the center of my sea-saw - up in the clouds - but not quite away with the fairies.
In order to stay there - I need to constantly move in tune to my feelings - taking small steps back if I go too high and even harder taking small steps forward if I am feeling down.
I have fallen off a number of times - and it has been so hard to get back on .. and medicines etc only go a small way to help - it has been up to me to climb back up and has taken years of practice.
The way I look at lithium etc is that it is like being chained down at what ever point I had fallen off - which does not really help - except that it stops me climing right to one end or the other and falling off again.
What I want to know is why can't the doctors invent a screwdriver that I can use to control my own life?
Love & Hugs
Rosemarie
2 people like this
8 responses
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
A cure would be nice jillhill! It really is a difficult mental illness to go through.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Do I ever know what your talking about. I have been diagnosed with manic depression. I went many years undiagnosed and those years were tough. It is still tough even with medication and I have to be very careful with my emotions. Your right, it is one extreme to the other and no in between. Extreme highs/extreme lows. It's hard for other people to fathom it. I understand and my heart goes out to you sister!
1 person likes this
@zrosemarie (34)
•
6 Sep 07
Thank you for your comment - I was diagnosed at the age of 20 and I am now 45 - but on the advice of Doctors I stopped taking Lithium and after a few years free of manic episodes -I was ill again and had to be hospitalised..
But I am ok at the moment.
Love & Hugs
Rosemarie
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I am sorry to hear that, but how are you now? I hope you are doing better. I have a friend who also had that happen. She was hospitalized as well. It is a tough road that we travel isn't it?
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@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
5 Sep 07
Oh if life could be so easy as inventing a screwdriver, I think maybe the time is coming that doctors will be able to solve a lot problems, they seemed to be leaping ahead in the medical side of things. I know most of us suffer depression at some time especially as you get a little older, maybe not as much if you have Bi-Pola but we just have to try and get through the day and know we are not alone...
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@zrosemarie (34)
•
6 Sep 07
Thank you for your kind and understanding comment.
Love & Hugs
Rosemarie
@AmbiePam (92871)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I also am bipolar. I read on cnn.com two days ago that they have discovered that sea sickness patches are on their way to be the second thing prescribed specifically for bipolar, lithium being the first. It is supposed to be able to clear the fog that lithium sometimes gives us, with less side effects. More research is needed to get this approved by the FDA, but it gives me hope.
@zrosemarie (34)
•
6 Sep 07
That sounds very promising - This time I have been on Lithium for about 3 years.
I have been in hospital 3 times now with manic episodes.
Love & Hugs
Rosemarie
1 person likes this
@alamode (3071)
• United States
6 Sep 07
First off, I've given up on doctors being able to fix everything--- most of what has improved my life has come from ME!! When I realized that, I beat my depression and built my confidence.
Our son is bi-polar. He recently changed medications and is finding that his moodswings are much more controllable now. I don't know the name of the medication, but I will find out.
His symptoms began showing in his junior year of high school. We didn't know what we were seeing, and just wrote it off to teenage angst. After he married and had a child, he was confident enough to tell us some of the things he had done during that period of time... had we known, we would have been hysterical!
We try to stay out of his daily life, especially regarding his treatment, but now that we know what he faces , we have made sure that he knows we are always available to him, and always ready to help. I think knowing this has put him on a more even keel, and with the medication, he is getting his life together the way he wants.
Having people to talk to, and who understand and don't pass judgement, are vital to his well-being. If you need to talk, I am your friend.
1 person likes this
@zrosemarie (34)
•
9 Sep 07
Thank you very much for being so kind and supportive
Love & Hugs
Rosemarie
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@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Hi zrosemarie!
I am bi-polar as well and I think I found the screwdriver. It's not medication that's for sure! When I was on meds they made me worse and my lows worse, and they'd last a LOT longer. Since getting married last March, and having my daughter in June of last year though I have noticed that I don't have as many low lows anymore, and if I do they don't last nearly as long as they used to! Maybe my husband and daughter are my screwdriver that is slowly fixing the see saw of manic depression. Love & Hugzz to you!
@michaeldadona (5684)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 07
My Friend ZROSEMARIE;
Your case can be categorized into two categories;
1. intangible, &
2. tangible.
Intangible solution need your mind-set and nobody can help you unless you yourself. Mind-Set is your mind focusing that need your fullest level of concentration on fundamental. The concentration on of or serving as a foundation or core, of central importance. If you want to do something, your mind must focus on the steps towards finishing while doing it. So that there will be no transformation of energy to other applications, intangibly.
Tangible is an effect that support the intangible to be a reality. Includes all these criteria. You have to do some thing in specific, measurable, achievable, time frame, exciting and rewarding. I know it is not easy to do it, but this the only way to avoid your feeling "floating" and does help the intangible element "mind focusing" to stay at the right spot.
Normally when intangible and tangible matched, your desire will become a reality. Just like love and romance, money and vision,....., etc.. Those are the example of pairs in element of "tangible and intangible".
My conclusion is, the application is imperative as a base fir you to practice and just a matter-of-fact, practice makes perfect. Sadness and happiness is a plylfe. Just on different side to another and can be flipping within in a split second.
That is all from me, I'm fine and thank you.
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