Can you really be friends with your EX?
By matt24
@matt24 (25)
Philippines
September 6, 2007 2:05am CST
You just broke up with my boyfriennd of 4 years. And for quite some time now, you have moved on and bump into your ex. Its a small world. You both stop and say your hi's and hello's and decides to have a cup of coffee to talk about how each ones doing and just updating each others status. During the conversation though, it flashes in your mind the break up and how hurt you were when he left you as well as the bad exchange of word you had with him, the pain you had to go through getting over this guy. And then you snap out of it and notice how casual and comfortable you both are just sitting and talking about anything.For me, this is a complex issue about friendships. Ive been in that position and gone through the friendship process with my ex but I realize I cant be friends. Eventhough things change, what didnt is the memories you had and if ever i consider being friends with my ex, it'll only be possible if im in a relationship at that moment. then it would be easier to accept him. and vice versa.
3 people like this
25 responses
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
6 Sep 07
If you allow the emotions of the past to burrow into your present relationships, yes you will have problems. I have been friends with a couple of ex-boyfriends and we even make jokes about when we were dating. It's not that bad, after a few years, time kind of heals those old wounds and you can move forward and be friends. Sometimes things happen that are so bad that it takes many years to get over or you just can't fathom a friendship with that person and that is completely understandable. It all depends on how it ended and how badly you were treated.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I guess with me the difference is that there would be no "flash" in my mind of the break up and how "hurt" I was when we split...it'd been 4 yrs ago...I'd have moved on by then so it wouldnt be an issue....
I'm friends with all my ex's minus two (for domestic abuse and guilt reasons) and I wouldnt have it any other way....I was fond of them originally for a reason...just because things didnt work out in an intimate sense for us doesnt mean I should completely forget, ignore etc that original fondness....
1 person likes this
@kevsgirlalways (5883)
• Malaysia
6 Sep 07
well, if you've moved on, then why not? Show your ex that you're over him and that you're strong and can be happy without him. Unless you're still head over heels with him then it's rather hard to be friends because of the history that you guys have had together. to me i can be friends with my ex, it would be hard and akward at first but i wouldn't want to lose a friend. i guess if we can't be lovers, we're better off as friends, whether we like it or not. unless the breakup was very very bad then i might not want to be friends anymore.
1 person likes this
@Sunny_Fighting (1)
• China
6 Sep 07
Absolutely impossible!
When we are together, I will try my best to keep our relationship.
If unluckly, I will fade all about him from my memory. Let it go!
Treasure our current love!
1 person likes this
@clocks123 (1225)
• United States
7 Sep 07
no i don't believe you can be a friend to your ex too many bad feelings and remember they are your ex you have been through a breakup nope
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
7 Sep 07
I am on friendly terms with most of my exes. Of course there has to be some time for wounds to heal...almost always one wants the breakup more than the other. Still there was a time that you were very close. Even with the most bitter breakups , i always try and most often succeed in reaching a point where we can be friendly should we run into each other in public etc. As for remaining real friends...that can be done too but its a bit harder & depends on the relationship. I do have a couple of exes that I can honestly say are really really good friends. We can hang out and both of us are in agreement that intimacy is over but we genuinely care about each other and make an effort to keep in touch.
@claire03 (1443)
• United States
7 Sep 07
i tried but it didn't just work cause there's no more trust and i lost respect of him already for what he did. Even if i already forgiven him, we still can't just be friends cause it's too complicated. there's a gap in the relationship and it will be awkward to still be hanging out with him. i just think we have moved on and just let go. have a nice day matt24. :)
