Emotions and an 11 year old...HELP!

I think this is one of those cases that letting your daughter find out for herself is the best way. You say that she totally looks up to your mum even though you think she doesn't seem to deserve it, I figure if that's the case then your daughter will think your just trying to put her off being friends with your mum or just trying to trash her. It's one of those things where if you talk to her about it, it may just make it worse. I think the best course is to let her find out for herself about her grammy and be there to hold her when she sees the truth.

First and foremost I had a big laugh when I say your avatar. It’s the same as I have on my desktop LOL! Now coming to your discussion, I agree that it would be best for your daughter to find it out for herself. Her grammy is your mother and she holds both of you in extremely high esteem. It would further confuse her tender mind if one started bad-mouthing the other. Max you can tell her that grammy is a bit miser on showing emotions and if she wants to please grammy, it would be a waste of time. but that doesn’t mean that grammy will not love her, its only that she (your daughter) should have better things to do than just pleasing grammy. Also when the baby is born, maybe grammy will give it more attention and then you will have to tell your child that its because the child needs more attention and gradually and slowing you will have to wean away your child from your mom. This will not happen overnight and any rash action or harsh words against your mom will only aggravate the situation and you never know, your daughter may even hold this grudge against you when she grows up.

KIds at 11 are pretty smart and she probably know for she get s the feeling but may not know how to handle it just right. You may try to point out something your mom has said or done to you that she said to you maybe that would help her get the point of your mom and what she can do to hurt yours or her feelings hope this helps

Hi, Yea u r right she needs to learn the lesson herself. Anyways u got a tremendous display image, u have any other like these? Cheers, Tutul

This is a sad situation, but so common. My heart bleeds for your girl, because nothing she ever says or do--or for that matter, nothing you ever say or do--will ever make your mom take the focus off of herself. I don't exactly know how to approach it myself, but I think it would be a good "anchoring" process to tell your daughter that the best road to happiness is self acceptance and not needing somebody else to validate one's worth, and not to ever allow anybody permission to whack at your self esteem. That's surrendering your power! I guess it is pretty crummy behaviour for a grandmother to play off one's own daughter against a granddaughter, or another granddaughter with another one. That is SOOO petty manipulation. Anyway. With regard to which team to play for: Ask your daughter where she feels she will grow more, where she will be challenged more, where she feels good if she were to succeed, more. Tell her that the best way to grow is to go where no one else will gauge how far you've gone but yourself. In the meantime, I will try to keep a wide berth when it comes to your mother. She sounds pretty toxic to me, pardon the bluntness. Life's rough enough as it is without having to court more unpleasantness. I guess in my old age I have found that if I am not happy where I am being dragged off to, I'm sitting on my haunches and braying "Hee-haw!!!" And bite the arm of whoever is trying to drag me. And I wouldn't care what others say. I don't already anyway. Tell your daughter that true love is unconditional. "Pretend love" is used as a weapon by people with tiny minds, shrunken hearts, and stunted emotions. Ask her what kind of love she thinks her grammy is handing out. Your girl may be smarter than you think and surprise you. May the Force be with you, dear SM, and tell your daughter that she is all she will ever need. Ever.

I am so sorry to hear about that. Look, this is how I feel. If your mom does that to you, it is one thing. Doing it to an 11 year old child is another. I would call her and tell her to stop doing that to your daughter. It breaks her heart and you won't allow that from anyone in the family. Your daughter deserves an apology that's for sure. Other than that, I think your daughter already knows the score on your mom. She just needs your reaffirmation that she is a good kid, she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment from anyone and explain to her that grandma has SAR's disease (She Ain't Right) lol.

Tell her the truth for the sooner she learns of it the better. Also be open to the idea that she may not like what she hears but tell her the truth anyway. She's old enough to know so she can be better prepared for anything her grandmother might say. Tell her it's ok to still love her grandmother but to keep tight lid on her feelings because she can be so brash and hurtful. If she learns it for herself without your telling her then it could come back on you with a "why didn't you tell me?" and I'm sure you don't want that. It still could come back at you but at least you warned her. Just talk to her alone and explain things to her and being that it's coming from you, she'll be more recepticle to the information but then again maybe not but at least you told her.