My niece is staying with us, and i need some avice

Sweetie I know I am a bit late on this one and no doubt you have had lots of advise on it I have been busy with Gissi web Anyway I would try time out with her as that normally helps but you have to be strong and patient on it

Oh my goodness....Sounds like a rough situation..I have trying times with my seven year old because of her attention seeking antics....The best thing that works for me is to take the things that she loves off her until she behaves and uses respect....

I'm so sorry, Kay that in my absence amidst my own problems, I missed this discussion. However, late as I may be, I would like to offer you a couple of ideas to toy with. Naturally, you have to involve your own kids, and hubby if he's back at home, to make this successful. Maybe initially, have a family meeting, either including or excluding your niece whichever you think most appropriate, and explain how you need their help and understanding to work through the little one's problems, and welcome her as a family member. She may be a little young, but kids take on board more than we know sometimes. Always involve your own kids though... you're a good Mum and I know you have the strength to do this. They will feel a need to be involved and help you in any way they can, so keep them aware of your love at all times. So, she wants attention... well, give it to her, but regulate it to show that you're not willing to give in to bad behaviour but that you will reward improvement or good behaviour with individual attention, by giving one treat per one week's good behaviour. She's testing you because she's had a rough trot with your sister and she wants to know if you will go the same way... I think you realise that. Ok, here goes nothing... these are my suggestions... Show discipline by making up a chart and putting it on the wall, either in the little one's room, or a more common room in the house, for everybody to see. Make the chart on a seven-day rota, and have a red and black pen for marking daily progress. Firstly, when she does wet the bed... make it known that she will help you to strip off the soiled bedding, and cleanse the mattress or protective covering, without fail. There should be no let-offs on this... she has to appreciate the extra work she's creating for you, and how much time and effort it takes. You could also incorporate the wetting between school and home, by asking her to wash her own underwear. Put a stool to the sink for her to stand on and let her wash them by hand. Then, on a daily basis, take her to the chart, and mark with red if she hasn't wet and black if she has. You could even let her mark it herself if you trust her with the pens. Involve her as much as you can. At the end of the week, count up the red and black marks, and put a total in the weekly column. If she goes a week without wetting the bed, then reward her with your time and total attention for three or four hours. Take her out, just you and her, for a treat; give her your total attention, go for walks exploring nature... perhaps buy her a cheap magnifying glass or something as a reward, so that she can look closely at flowers, leaves, bugs and such. Teach her about nature and the seasons and what happens during each season. Sometimes, you could perhaps give her a special treat, like a trip to the park or the seaside, collecting shells and pebbles. Buy her a bucket or a special bag to collect these in. Nothing expensive, but a treat nonetheless. Get her a sketch book, writing book, pens or crayons and ask her to write little stories or draw and colour pictures related to your trips. This may help you get to the underlying reason for her misbehaving or point to the amount of progress she's making. Kids write and draw their "thoughts" much more easily than speaking them in discussion. You could, if you can afford to do so, buy her a little inexpensive trinket as an extra special award on her monthly achievements. I feel this may take her mind off misbehaving and strengthen the bond and trust between you and she will feel more secure in being a part of your family which matters to you. She will also learn the values of life and good behaviour. Well, that's it, for what it's worth. I'm no child psychologist but I brought up two sons, worked as housemother in a home for socially deprived children and also was childminder to a few young children in the village, and went through this learning curve with a little one I once childminded. I had to be strict with her, but she learned how far she could and couldn't go in the end. When she ate her breakfast and lunch properly, I rewarded her. If she turned her head away and wouldn't eat, I would leave her in her high chair and come back to it, even to the point where she fell asleep one day. So, I put her, high chair and all, out on the patio and resumed the feeding process when she awoke. But, it worked... she now doesn't pass my house without wanting to come in and see me. Your trial is a little more difficult because I minded Niamh from seven months to three years, and with your little one, there's a lot more water gone under the bridge. But, you're strong and if you can persevere with this, I really think you will see some good results. It's all a battle of wits. lol. But, strengthen the bond, give her security and love but not without rules and I think you'll win through. Brightest Blessings, my dear friend, in the hope that this, together with other people's advice will help you to accomplish a happy family unit including your niece. Please come back and let us know of your progress. Kids are our little treasures in life... I love them, and am very interested to see how they journey through life. :) Good luck, Kay. xx

It sounds like the child has some serious issues if she's being manipulative at this age. Children need love, discipline and consistency, especially at this age. They need to know who is boss because trying to run the show is too much for these tender hearted little ones. She sounds as if she's had a really rough time. Try to ignore the bad behaviour. If she wets the bed, do what needs to be done without any conversation. When she comes home from school ask her if she's dry, if not, help her change and wash or batheas if it's a normal thing. If she misbehaves just tell her "we don't do that here" and show her what to do. Your own kids will be effected by her prescence and naughtiness as well. Its such a shame. She's still just a tiny tot. I think you may need outside help but I dopn't know what to suggest. Sometimes we can go overboard in situations like this. Meanwhile, what is her mother doing to fix things?

This may sound a little bit simplistic but can you sit down with her her and talk to her. See if she will talk to you, tell you what she is feeling and thinking, see if you can find out what is in her mind. My son was very similar at that age and although it might not help you much, I found that by getting him to talk to me helped.